Job search, ongoing (July 1-Sept 30)

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, is it okay to say I enjoyed your post? Because it took me on such a journey, I really did!

First, congrats on the belt test. Woo! All achievements get double points during a pandemic.
I loved learning about katabasis, and will ponder it for some time I think. I also feel some wonderful layered meaning in I've only walked to the dumpster in the past week, to do with grieving and revisiting things. Or perhaps I'm overthinking it (overthink...moi?)

Grieving is a constant in life. I wish we were taught more about it. Or perhaps like you say, we can't even really know it. It comes to us as we are, which changes all the time. You have my support for whatever you need to do.

Here's my thoughts re job interest. When you get a job, you will buy a car, putting food on the table of the car salesperson. They will buy new shoes, shoe store stays open, etc etc. Everybody wins when someone does well. I wish you the best.

Heather

[oak]

Thanks, Heather!

Some thoughts:

1. Katabasis/descent into ashes
2. The Wound
3. The "dumpster"

1. Katabasis

I'm pleased to hear katabasis resonated with you. The book I live by, Iron John, has a sub-chapter about katabasis (page 80 of the pdf, page 69 in the book's pagination)

https://www.reidstellcounseling.com/upl ... n_john.pdf

And yeah, there is a katabasis in almost every hero's-journey story, often called a descent into ashes: Gladiator, Cinderella, Job, Gilgamesh, Big Fish, Princess Bride, Karate Kid, Down and Out in Paris and London, The Jerk. It is the first "story shape" in the following Kurt Vonnegut talk, which he calls Man in Hole:

https://fs.blog/2011/09/kurt-vonnegut-t ... f-stories/

Katabasis is a gift, but a dangerous one: it is the opportunity for spiritual growth, and some people don't survive their katabasis. I've seen it. But it is more dangerous to not have a katabasis.

2. The Wound

This goes straight back to The Fisher King, who has the Grail: every time the hero gets the boon, there's a wound.

I get my yellow belt, I sprain my toe. Odin gets wisdom, and it costs him one eye. Luke Skywalker's hand. That's the thing: there's no choice. You gotta go for that yellow belt, that wisdom, the Grail. Otherwise the journey will get stagnant. But there will always be a corresponding wound.There's no Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru to go back to: the only way is forward, and it will cost you.

3. I am charmed that we both only have been to the dumpster lately.

Having lived in fraternity houses, I've learned that dirty dishes, trash, and dirty clothes will cause any home to be unbearable. Ergo, while grieving and avoiding walking, I was and am perfectly fine with clutter, but no matter how low I've been lately the dishes won't collect in the sink, and the trash will be taken out.

Every hero, early on, will go through a swamp (Star Wars, Big Fish): it is stagnant water and accumulated dead material.

But lots of life comes from the swamp, and the rich, wet, low, earthy places.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Ah yes, I know this point in the hero's journey as All is Lost. When I'm ready to give up, I will often tell myself I'm just in All is Lost and I will emerge triumphant soon.

[manuel_moe_g]

That is so beautiful, Heather. You are a good friend to our friend Oak!

[Heatherwantspeace]

MM, what sweet thing to say!

[oak]

Yes, agreed, Manuel Moe: Heather is a great addition to our community.

1. Thanks for replies on other threads.
2. Crushing grief/depression/exhaustion.
3. Job search plan for next week.
4. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless

1. Thanks to everyone who commented on my other threads!

a. Doomscrolling: Cutting out Reddit did me good.
b. Dental agony: My oral pain has gone away. I am extremely relieved. Oral pain ruined my mental health.

2. I have been crushed by grief/depression/exhaustion. I have showered, shaved, and gotten into the sunshine a few minutes a day, but that's about it.

2020 is a time of unprecedented sorrow and grief.

3. My job search this week consisted of applying for a few jobs in my previous field. I'll be speaking with my career counselor this upcoming week, and will discuss how to conduct a job search while depressed/grieving.

4. A victory.

After re-spraining my toe this week, I dug up the courage to walk to pick up a take out order of an Italian sub (it was awesome).

I could be a really good fit with agoraphobia, so I pushed myself to walk to the next building, which has the coffee shop with all the pretty baristas. I really crave human connection, even if it is just being around strangers in a coffeeshop.

Unobtrusively, of course!

I never thought I'd be grateful to be able to walk to a coffeeshop. Until I couldn't walk. Grief and gratitude are a weird, co-dependent relationship.

[rivergirl]

Whatever you need to do to get through this time is perfectly okay, Oak.

There's a lot of grief in the air right now and I think it hits us harder if we're already grieving other losses.

Sending warm thoughts.

rg

[Beany Boo]

“Eat with your whole heart.”

Zen saying

[oak]

Thank you RiverGirl and BeanyBoo. Your advice and encouragement have made these difficult times easier. You are the ibuprofen to the dental pain that is 2020.

1. Exhaustion/grief/depression
2. Another reason for grief vibes
3. What will have to suffice for "success" today

1. Exhaustion/grief/depression

2020

2. Another reason to grieve:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/podcasts ... ace-to-go/

I am afraid we'll have another Great Depression-like situation of homelessness, soon.

I am not in any foreseeable risk of eviction, fortunately. I've already decided the criteria for going to Plan B, in my job search, should I start to forsee eviction, heaven forbid.

Stated another way, any day I am not facing eviction is a success in early fall 2020. If I have plenty of food, dental care, and air conditioning, then I am really winning, and have so much to be grateful for. And I am grateful

3. What will have to count as success today:

1. I've applied for all the open jobs, across the country, for my previous position.
2. I followed up from a colleague who has a job lead for me.
3. I completed my laundry, ran the dishwasher, and walked in the sunshine to the coffeeshop. (Any one of these are huge accomplishments)

[manuel_moe_g]

walked in the sunshine to the coffeeshop

for some reason reading that you did this made me happy, as if the rays of sunshine were hitting my own face in the middle of a cool breeze

you are great, a great example of a self-actualized man