Covid update

[Heatherwantspeace]

Rivergirl, I hope you're able to cut yourself some slack and realize that your soul got some much needed joy out of your night out. I think we've all let our guard down at some point. I know I have. It's just exhausting being cautious all the time.
Practically, being outdoors is huge in reducing risk.
Be kind to yourself for being human.
Heather

[Beany Boo]

There’s that thing people say, “if you said the negative words to others that you say to yourself in your head, you’d be arrested.”

I suggest at least trying to say them to others. At the moment you’re using them to punish yourself into silence. And anyway those feelings only had negative words attached historically.

You might find that if those feelings come out of your mouth in the present they might have better words attached. Your bravery suggests as much in any case.

Look! I just did it myself. It’s difficult for me though.

[rivergirl]

Thank you, Heather and Beany. There were other parts of that outing that were shame-inducing for me, mainly having to do with the particular friend I was with. He's actually an ex-boyfriend. I don't have the heart to go into all of it, but the whole day felt kind of sad and off-kilter. It was nice to be outside around other people, and I think I need to find more positive and safe ways to do that, and eventually new friends and potential partners.

[snoringdog]

Hello Rivergirl,

People are stupid. Taking extra precautions against a virus the likes of which we haven't seen since 1918 is smart. (This is nothing new though, there's a story in the NYTimes entitled "Mask Slackers of 1918")

I've read many stories of young people being affected or dying from this, and others who thought they were strong, healthy, etc and it wouldn't bother them, but they were wrong. And if you have health considerations that make you feel more vulnerable, that's paramount.

It's so easy to get pulled into doing things in social settings though. There've been plenty of times in my life where I wanted to leave, but had to stay for one last round, or one last game, etc. It's always the pushy types that want to influence or pressure you, for their own benefit first. And I've felt the burning shame that I wasn't resolute enough to just state my case firmly, and do what I thought was best.

I can imagine that being with the former boyfriend amplifies a lot of thoughts, feelings, and memories. And we all have a bit more internal turmoil than usual anyway, since this pandemic started, right?

So here's a chance for you to categorize those thoughts, watch them pass by as you mentioned, and practice a little self love instead of loathing.

Wishing you better days ahead

SD

[rivergirl]

Thank you for the kind words, snoringdog.

At work today I saw that one of our upcoming EAP webinars is on "Caution Fatigue", apparently a common condition at this point in the pandemic.

I struggle with seeing the value of the various forms of Metta (loving-kindness) meditation, but tonight I'll perform a Metta meditation and include both the Covid-cautious and the Covid-deniers. I will also be sure to mention everyone here on the forum, including both snoringdogs.

[oak]

Very good, Rivergirl.

IIRC, you mentioned that your biological sister was on a ventilator some time ago. I hope she has gotten better.

Having had specific symptoms of COVID in Feb/March, I can assure anyone that it is real, and it really sucks. I was totally fine with dying, and I "only" had specific symptoms.

I'm also delighted to see you availing yourself of EAP, which is just a priceless treasure. I'd put it up there, almost, with the treasure that is the public library.

Let us know how everything goes!

Also, to lighten things up, listen to some music from when you were 19-21. Perhaps a little more on the Oasis side of life than Nirvana.

[snoringdog]

Hello Rivergirl,

Just took a look at Metta meditation, and I think I get it, but could only maybe practice it in a general way. Too hard right now to extend well wishes to some of the persons in the news, or to some of the truly evil people in the world. When people are actively causing harm, not sure if I can get past that....

But I think a real benefit is releasing internal anger or hatred right?

Some days I'll start to get fixated on some injustice, ugliness or overwhelmingly-depressing global circumstance, and just feel the negative emotions building...
and then start to realize how harmful that is to me, and try to let it go...

It's very difficult to stay aware but "detached" in a certain way.

But thanks for thinking of us, and I'm awaiting the positive vibes sure to come my way..

[brownblob]

I know what you mean Snoringdog. The world is such a mess right now that it can be a real downer to pay attention. For me, there is the added stupidity I have to hear on some of these issues at work. I have honestly lost faith in mankind this year. I realize that I have no control over what is going on in the world and I have to let it go, but this loss of faith in humanity feels like I physically lost part of my soul.

[rivergirl]

Thank you all for the replies. They mean a lot to me.

Oak, my sister has recovered from Covid as far as I know, but she is in a behavioral health unit in a hospital now. She was severely underweight due to her mental health issues (5'7" and about 90 lbs.) We were hoping she could be moved into some type of group home rather than going back to her apartment, but now it doesn't look like that is going to happen. She has only state health coverage so limited options.

Snoringdog & brownblob, I feel the same way about current events. I'm heartsick. Two towns that I lived near in Oregon were destroyed in the most recent fires. I'm now living 700 miles away, but we've been breathing smoke the past two weeks from our own fires. I can send well wishes in meditation to the people who are careless about Covid due to ignorance or youth, but not to the politicians, religious leaders, media personalities, etc. who lie about Covid, climate change, etc. to serve their own greed and desire for power.

rivergirl

[snoringdog]

Reality itself is discourging. I guess I've thought this most of my life.
Hard to escape....

(Had a few stretches of magical thinking too, and I suppose this is what gets a lot of people through many things).