4 x 4, what I am working on right now

[oak]

Good luck! Go for it.

Those are worthy goals for a worthy man.

Let us know how you do.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Beany Boo,

fascinating stuff about WOOP, I will do a WOOP write up later, based on my actual practice with this tool

Thanks, and cheers!

[manuel_moe_g]

Nice link on WOOP

https://www.njlifehacks.com/woop-goal-setting-method/

[oak]

I send encouragement, Manuel Moe.

Keep us posted.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks Oak! Really appreciate the encouragement, especially coming from you! Cheers, all the best!

[manuel_moe_g]

Whoa, good stuff in therapy session, around [*} melancholy [*] WOOP + R-A-I-N [*] specifically WOOP + R-A-I-N around weight loss

wish me luck taking this stuff into the Real World, will write this all up tomorrow!

[manuel_moe_g]

[* Melancholy *]

Was feeling melancholy last week. Was feeling regretful about how I was so isolated (because of my own actions) during my college years. This is how I will manage it next time I am in a similar situation.

Will use R-A-I-N (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture). First, I Recognize the melancholy about isolation during my college years. Then, I Allow myself to deeply feel the feeling without dismissing it. Then, I Investigate where in my body I feel the feeling (in my case I feel it rather like "shame" and I feel it in my face and in my eyes), and Investigate what my body is telling me it needs (this can be difficult for me because I feel a layer of separation from my body). Finally, I Nurture myself without self-judgement. The Nurture part is the biggest part in this case, so let me expand it.

In this example, Nurture means these big messages [*] forgive myself and tell myself that I am worthy of love now and my younger self is worth of love too, [*] tell my younger self "my current self is in the unique position to know the depth of your pain" because we share the same body and the same thread of consciousness over a lifetime, [*] tell my younger self that I feel admiration toward him because he never gave up, and the benefits I enjoy now are very much due to the fact that he never gave up.

The "admiration" is the biggest message, because I feel a block against the idea of being admired.

[* WOOP and R-A-I-N *]

WOOP stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. It is the smallest, most effective intervention to turn a wish into reality through action. I want to lose weight, so lets use that as an example.

[***] Wish - lose weight.

[***] Outcome - High emotion consequence of the wish coming true. I told my therapist that I would feel great emotion if, because of weight loss, my daughter would tell me that she is proud of me. "Great", my therapist said, "but don't neglect an outcome that is fully internal, and fully under your own control". So the message of pride from my daughter would be the outer outcome, and the inner outcome would be me saying to myself "this weight loss was difficult but I did it and I didn't give up".

[***] Obstacle - these are internal obstacles to my wish. In the case of weight loss, these are the inner obstacles:

[*] I eat to manage my mood
[*] I eat to manage boredom
[*] I habitually overdo it with food
[*] I habitually have an overreaction to hunger
[*] I habitually overdo it with empty calories

[***] Plan - Plans are in the form of "If <inner obstacle", then <response action>"

if negative mood, then use R-A-I-N, it is hard to nurture myself, I Nurture other people, use a "magic mirror" to do for myself

If signal that food is appropriate, then R-A-I-N, there is evidence that this is about my inner child, my nurturing should be very much about my inner child, needing reassurance, because afraid of stomach being hurt, because post-nasal drip

if eat, then do a small meal, many times over course of day

if empty calories, R-A-I-N, do a ritual, do a half portion, then meditate, Nurturing ritual, in a very small bowl

if make empty calories available, then also make smart snacks available

[snoringdog]

Hello Manny,

Thanks for posting about RAIN, I'll be thinking about it.

The saying "Haunted by your Past" just came to mind, and like in the show's intro, the fellow says "If there's a word for it, then someone else has experienced it"... so it must be very common..

Isn't it a drag that things so long ago can seem as fresh as yesterday to the point of inducing physical sensations? And not just things that might have happened to us, but even just the memories of our mental states?

Anyway, wishing you success.

SD

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks Snoring Dog.

R-A-I-N really did help me with the "Haunted by my past" feeling. Especially feeling admiration for my younger self because he never gave up.

I think I am going to try holding a trashbag at the same time that I snack, to quickly through away half, so I only eat half.

[oak]

Manuel Moe, sorry I missed your post from Sept 29. I am glad you demonstrated such courage with rain and woop. You are making real progress, digging all that out.

Also, you are not alone regarding regrets from college. What we could have been...

Lastly, knowing that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, please know that since reading your posts I’ve asked my counselor about both rain and woop. You are a thought leader.