Blood pressure plan? Also, good news.

[oak]

Hi friends.

I am going a bit crazy. Well, my mind is racing. Can I think out loud, by coming up with a plan?

(Caveat: I fully understand it is normal and expected for the following to increase during pandemic and lockdown: anxiety and high blood pressure. I judge myself not at all. I am responsible for myself, but I don't judge myself.)

For a week or two, I've felt pressure on one side of my neck. Is it from high blood pressure? I don't know. I want to get help. I have tools. If I may, here is a preliminary plan:

1. Tomorrow I can walk to the nearby drug store to see if they have one of those blood machine test things. If the nearby one doesn't have one, I can walk down the street and try the other drug store.
2. Ongoing: While meat will probably always be my thing, I want to eat more whole foods (I did this in 2018, and it went great. It wasn't any burden.)
3. I can contact my doctor's office Monday to schedule a telehealth session.
4. Today and Tuesday: Today I can use the CBT pdf forms from my counselor for my acute anxiety. We can discuss this further during our regular session Tuesday.
5. Ongoing: I have an embarrassment of riches for home-based exercise: my beloved tai chi, nunchuck belt kata practice, bo staff strike and block practice, solo jazz dance tutorials, boxing tutorials.
6. I have low-level anxiety about my new job. My new supervisor has said repeatedly that I am doing excellent: I am catching on faster than anyone he has had in the position in his twenty years. Still: Aaaaagh!

(I already feel better, having typed this: I have a plan, and I have many tools to help me, especially this lovely forum with such dear friends. You are on my team, including my counselor, career counselor, doctor, dentist (very important!), and martial arts instructors. I am a rich man.)

Speaking of good news: I am starting to be noticed.
1. Today a young woman curiously happened to end up in the same aisle as me, repeatedly.
2. One of the young women at the coffee shop repeatedly asked about my taekwando. I had forgotten I had ever mentioned it to her, and she turned bright red when I introduced myself. It turns out we have friends in common, and she is a noted Instagram influencer.

In addition to tools, a wide and deep team, and a reason to get up in the morning and stop by the coffeeshop before working from home. I have a reason to face this potential high blood pressure. I want to start my plan, take modest action, find some answers, and report back here.

[rivergirl]

Hey Oak,

Your plan sounds very sensible, but don't be afraid to go get checked out this weekend if things get worse. I know you're so conscientious that you wouldn't want to put any further strain on the medical system in your area, or risk contracting Covid, but if it feels like a necessity then I think it's justified and pretty low-risk to ask for further help at an urgent care center or ER. That being said, I think the chance that your neck pressure is caused by stress or random body processes and will go away naturally on it's own is pretty high.

I'm glad you're not judging yourself for having normal human reactions to a difficult time. You would be unusual if you didn't feel some stress related to isolation, current Covid trends, and starting a new job.

I'm thinking of you and sending relaxing vibes your way.

rg

[Beany Boo]

You don’t have to have an answer to that problem.

No matter how compelled you feel to have one.

It’s okay not to have an answer.

It’s not to say there won’t be an answer. A sound one

You not having an answer is not like taking your hands off the steering wheel. Letting you not have an answer; it’s just you taking your foot off the pedal and coasting to a stop.

When there’s so much out of your control, your mind will force you to focus on something to occupy you. As scary as it is to ignore that, it’s okay if you do. The stress level goes up but it also comes down again.

Turning your phone off for an hour a week is magical.

In any case, travel to another part of your brain by doing a ‘dumb’ activity; a ‘smaller problem’. For me that’s origami, listening to podcasts in languages I don’t understand or my all time favorite, sorting things into piles and putting them away.

If you’re mind is racing you’ll probably bat these suggestions away. It doesn’t matter. Something will randomly interrupt the overstimulation eventually.

Also, remember this, you can truly stay the same, even in a world that is changing as much as it is.

[oak]

144/89

So not good, obviously. But not as bad as I thought!

Now I have someplace to start, when I contact my primary care physician for an appointment.

@Rivergirl and BeanyBoo: thank you so much for your encouragement and advice. Both brought me sanity, calm, and a perspective outside my own head.

Since we last met:

1. I walked to said drug store and received said result.

2. I started (but couldn't finish) my wonderful CBT forms/questions for anxiety about my new job, and asking out women. Doing so brought real calm, but also was scary and exhausting.

I'll report back after (1) the telehealth session with my doctor and (2) my Tuesday session with my counselor to CBT my anxiety about my new job.

Thank you for listening, and advising!

[rivergirl]

Hi Oak,

I'm glad that you were able to take a couple of actions that helped bring you calm, although it was understandably difficult to face your feelings using the CBT forms.

Anxiety can make your blood pressure appear higher than it actually is, and even the anticipation of checking your blood pressure can do that. I don't want to downplay your health concern and think it's good you plan to follow up with your doctor, but just want to offer a little reassurance that there could be other reasons for a higher reading than a serious medical issue.

I like the way Beany put this:

"You not having an answer is not like taking your hands off the steering wheel. Letting you not have an answer; it’s just you taking your foot off the pedal and coasting to a stop."

Will be looking for your updates and hope you feel more ease today.

rivergirl

[rivergirl]

How are you feeling, Oak?

[oak]

Rivergirl!

Thank you for your thoughtful reply, and your kind inquiry. I am touched.

First up, I am glad you survived... frankly the longest, most difficult weekend of any of our lives. Any Thanksgiving is a nightmare. Any long weekend can be a mental minefield. Meanwhile we have a global pandemic. That you made it through all that, any of which could destroy anyone, is quite an accomplishment. Please, if you get a moment, post about the plan and experience of this weekend, including home-hunting.

And yes, I think it was caused by stress. I got the familiar chest pains.

It turns out I didn't get a chance to discuss my blood pressure with my primary care physician this week: my GERD flared up (no doubt caused by stress), and that really did a number on my mental health, in addition to the physical hurt. It is scary to be afraid to sleep.

Fortunately we came up with a short term plan, which should get me through to our follow up appointment on Dec 30, when I'll surely bring up the blood pressure.

And while I'm no doctor, I'm confident many of the same interventions apply for GERD as high blood pressure: losing weight, eating better, stress management, and sleeping better.

My friends, GERD really terrifies me. While I want to face my high blood pressure soon, GERD is really threatening my well being.

I'll keep you posted!

[rivergirl]

Hi Oak!

I'm glad to know that you got through Thanksgiving and the long weekend as well.

I'm very sorry to hear that you're dealing with chest pain & GERD. I've had only limited experience with those two issues years ago, but remember both can be very painful and scary.

Good for you for being proactive with your health care and starting the process of making a plan with your physician. It sounds like you prioritized the most critical issues first, and it does seem like there's a good chance that all of these issues are stress-related and will be manageable.

I hope you're having a better weekend, and please post an update whenever you feel like it.

rg

[Beany Boo]

The thing about losing weight, eating better, stress management and sleeping better is that they are means to an end. They make something else possible.

I’ve taken to visualizing doing non-descript things that just have sufficient time and resources, that help people, but without having to please or pander.

It’s sort of, creating mental conditions for stuff to convert into action(?). I don’t visualize particular details, like a plan. It’s just a way of sensing what food, sleep, exercise and trust are turning into.

Getting ready for something next.

Rest in motion.

[oak]

Thank you Rivergirl and Beany Boo: your encouragement and insight. It constitutes most of the good mental health I've experienced this weekend.

Unfortunately my GERD/sleep apnea continues to keep me up half the night.

With all that is going on in 2020 I'm astonished that so much of my health depends on sleep and proper hydration. HALT is a serious matter, my friends.

Good news:

1. Having effected steps 1 and 2 of about 5 regarding GERD/sleep apnea, I am ready to make appointments to effect the next several.

2. Today I took out the trash and ran the dishwasher. This is a bigger deal than I am letting on.

I haven't showered or shave yet, at 7:30 pm, but I am enough. I did brush my teeth, but I didn't use my SAD lightbox, or do any exercise or movement (tai chi or solo jazz dance).

I still can't believe I took out the trash and ran the dishwasher. That is such a big deal.

Once again, I am astonished at how important sleep is to mental health. It may be a ratio of 1:1.

Thanks for listening.