Double check my moral thinking: staying in.

[oak]

@BeanyBoo: Yes, I can assure you that you are kind. Your encouragement and insight here in the forum, that you so generously give, is demonstration of your kindness and caring.

Well friends, I've distanced the heck out of my 2020:

* I told my parents I wasn't coming to Thanksgiving
* I am done with in-person taekwando
* I am ordering groceries, especially since I am able to get fresh pico
* I'll certainly go outside most days to get my precious Vitamin D and might go to the coffeeshop, now and then, for takeout, but probably not much, if at all.

I realize I am enormously privileged to be able to order groceries, including pico. I have a good, responsible work at home (another privilege) job that will provide for my needs. Ergo, my plan for the next 3-6 months:

* Become proficient at my new job
* Work on maintaining my flexibility by tai chi, stick fighting and nunchuck practice, and solo jazz dance. There are Zoom performances and Zoom dance lessons. There is culture out there, right now.

Meanwhile millions of Americans are facing hunger and eviction during the winter. The best thing I can do to help them, besides staying in, is to stay employed; and the best way to stay employed is to keep a work/life balance, and the best way to keep work/life balance is to keep hope, remember my goals, move my body, and stimulate my mind, all from the comfort of home.

Eventually the vaccine will be widespread and it will be warm. I desperately want to get back to swing dance and Brazilian jiujitsu, both of which are excellent ways to transmit a virus, so none of that for now. I'll tip the delivery people well, and take care of myself. This winter will be difficult, but it won't be forever. I can make something of myself in this once in a lifetime situation, though humbly surviving will be a fine outcome.

[manuel_moe_g]

Work on maintaining my flexibility by tai chi, stick fighting and nunchuck practice, and solo jazz dance.

Purfect and superb!

[oak]

Thanks Manuel Moe! I appreciate your encouragement: I was having a difficult day that day, and you made it better.

Friends, I am moral.

My conscience is clear for abiding by the strong recommendations of my state, the best practices advised by the medical community, and the dictates of my conscience.

Making a virtue of necessity, I can make this quarantine my own. I'll start a thread for that, including how to be moral (eg make the most of) during the next three to six months, but for now I can rest easy.

I know I am minimizing my virus-spreading threat to others, and reducing my own risk. The only difficult part was telling my parents I couldn't morally square visiting them, and they were understanding. They are elderly with any number of co-morbidities.

All the while being cognizant that while this is a moral issue for me, it is a life and too often death struggle for those with this cursed disease, and those facing hunger and evictions this winter. Again, I can best help them by helping myself: by staying employed, as happy as possible, and not spreading any virus.

Thank you, friends, for listening, encouraging, and advising. I don't pretend that only good times are ahead, but working together we made this transition much easier.

[rivergirl]

Hi Oak,

I just wanted to thank you again for sharing your decision making about staying in, and for sharing the good news about enjoying your dance class and your plans to get through the next few months while maintaining your physical and mental health.

You also helped me to bring up to my family the idea of protecting my mom by not getting together this next week. I spoke to my brother today and he agreed to do whatever my mom and I think is best for her safety. I think my own mental health matters too, but in this case I weighed my needs against my mom's and I think that I made the moral decision to protect her health first. Thanks for being my role model on this topic.

rg

[oak]

You're welcome, Rivergirl. COVID is one of the great moral tests of our times.

If you'll indulge me sharing a story:

Per Douglas Brinkley, the New Orleans SPCA had a reciprocity agreement with their Houston chapter to come to their facility if certain hurricane forecast criteria were met.

Said criteria were met in 2005, though no one knew what direction Katrina would go (... until it was too late). Risking embarrassment, cost, and trouble should the storm miss New Orleans (which was entirely possible), management decided to go anyway, while the storm was still a few days out. Each dog and cat was provided a comfortable cage with food, water, and a tag identifying each animal. The cages were put in climate controlled trucks (which could still be procured at that point). The truck met little traffic and by the time Katrina actually hit, each animal was already secure and comfortable in Houston, never having received so much as a drop of rain.

Each of us is, today, at the same point as our New Orleans SPCA friends were then. A storm is out there already wreaking havoc, yet isn't at our shores... yet.

Having read any of my other many posts, anyone can see that I am not a paragon of virtue. There is a time for everything, and while our New Orleans friends had to get out, I am compelled to stay in. I've received groceries, having plenty of Amish romance novel paperbacks, have my tai chi/solo jazz tutorials, Netflix, the Hallmark movie subscription service, and an ersatz home office.

Fact: many will get sick from Thanksgiving visits, and some will die. But none of them will be caused by me.

It is a mental, social, and physical burden not to be able to go to in-person martial arts classes or swing dances.

But it is very little burden to enjoy homemade carnitas taco with fresh pico while watching The Good Place in a comfortable apartment. While my risk of transmitting COVID is low (I am nearly certain I had it in Feb), I can rest easy each night knowing that I didn't transmit it to anyone over Thanksgiving.

Some things can be bought: fresh pico, Netflix. And these that can be bought can also provide us with things that can't be bought; peace of mind, in this case.

[Beany Boo]

I like where your focus goes in the midst of everything; peace of mind.

That’s powerful.

[oak]

During this second de facto lockdown my mental health is... creaky?

Today I made carnitas tacos with fresh pico, green onion, and poblano pepper.

A year ago I might have laughed at myself for being so moved by fresh onion, peppers, and tomatoes on a taco with roast pork.

But I'm not laughing today. For reasons I can't explain, having that fresh pepper reminded me that there is a bigger world out there.

I am alone, and desperately lonely. But I have a job and food; not only that, I have a good job and fresh food. I am warm, with clean clothes, and I'm showered and shaved.

I have so much, yet feel so empty.

During my session with my counselor yesterday I wondered out loud if there will be vast mental health consequences from COVID and 2020. She agreed.

Lastly, posting here in the forum is something like 60% of my social life.

I'm not sure what my point is. I do know that posting here is me trying to prove that there is a larger world out there, somewhere, and that I am part of it.

[manuel_moe_g]

You deserve better, Oak, keep up being a self-actualized man (of course i know you will)

[oak]

I am sick of this lockdown. I don't want to do it any more.

Were I to be honest, here is what I want to do:

1. Go to taekwando
2. See my parents
3. Go to the mall and see the attractive women

Politics aside, I consider myself a modern man. A modern man stays at home as much as he can, to protect himself and others.

But I don't think I can do this for another six months. I've done it for six weeks and my mental and physical health are plummeting.

I'd almost prefer to be a hypocrite, in this very forum: talk a good game about staying in, but then doing the above.

At least I am being honest.

And, if I am really dreaming, here are four things I've done in the past, and can hardly imagine doing again:

1. Going to juijitsu
2. Going swing dancing
3. Going on a date
4. Travel for fun, even if it is just for overnight

At the risk of looking like an unlikeable, non-modern man, there you have it. This is me. I don't like that me, but at least I am being honest.

Also, thanks Manuel Moe for your encouragement. Lots of brotherly love.

[manuel_moe_g]

If you make human choices, we will never accuse you of being a hypocrite. We have objective evidence that you are a upstanding human, you making balanced human choices won't change that.

This pandemic is a terrible thing. Mourn the loss of opportunities for personal growth and happiness.