Homelessness

[Beany Boo]

I found a place.

I’m somewhat relieved.

I still feel like I’m laying track in front of an advancing train though.

I think I’ll be okay. It’s still one foot in front of the other.

A lot of people helped. That blew me away.

I feel selfish and stupid, and exposed. I suspect that’s a normal reaction.

Thank you for your kind words. It gave me something honest to focus on. I didn’t feel very wise or good in a crisis. I felt like a small child that everyone was confusing for an adult

But I did listen and accepted what you said and I need to take that in now. I can respond to ridiculous pressure and remain myself.

There’s part of me that thinks, “well, big whoop...!”

Life is a mystery.

[snoringdog]

I found a place.
Hooray! That's Great!

I’m somewhat relieved.
So are we!

I still feel like I’m laying track in front of an advancing train though.
Have you seen this clip? (about a minute and a half in)
Wallace & Grommit "The Wrong Trousers"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrmZIgVoQw4

I think I’ll be okay. It’s still one foot in front of the other.
Yes.

A lot of people helped. That blew me away.
Right?

I feel selfish and stupid, and exposed.
But why should you?

Food, Clothing & Shelter are fundamental.
I suspect that’s a normal reaction.

Thank you for your kind words. It gave me something honest to focus on. I didn’t feel very wise or good in a crisis. I felt like a small child that everyone was confusing for an adult
Losing your home without foreseeable options can shake you to your core...

But I did listen and accepted what you said and I need to take that in now. I can respond to ridiculous pressure and remain myself.

There’s part of me that thinks, “well, big whoop...!”
Only in the sense that unfortunately, this happens to many others too.

Life is a mystery.
It certainly freaking is

SD

[Beany Boo]

Thank you SD,

I enjoyed the link

I feel depleted today, like I’m maybe 3 days away from feeling human.

All I can do is shuffle, nod and get teary when no one is looking.

I do feel like I have a through line but I’ve just got to do everything gently.

I’m trying to lean on others without leaning too much.

You guys are awesome.

[Beany Boo]

I woke up this morning and thought, “I am a person who is full of anger; my own, past and present and other people’s’”.

It doesn’t feel important to understand how or why; just that it is there and I just have to let it be and let myself be.

It feels like the end of a process.

[rivergirl]

Hi Beany,

I'm glad you found a new home. I understand the feeling of being selfish when accepting any kindness. I don't know if that comes from being told we were selfish or being shamed for having needs when we were children?

It's understandable that you would continue to feel fragile, emotional, angry after this experience. However you feel is okay.

I wish I had more to add. Just wanted you to know that I care.

rivergirl

[Beany Boo]

Thank you Rivergirl,

I feel useless and stupid but it doesn’t go very deep. It feels like that’s how I’m supposed to feel in this situation but my hearts just not in it.

I’m tired of seeking attention and craving reassurance.

I just want to generate value without having to get it just right. Value for me and that goes beyond me. I don’t really know what that implies. It could be a helpful... mess? I won’t push it.

[Beany Boo]

I’m doing somewhat better today.

I had a few nights at my mother’s in the country.

I seemed to come out of fight or flight on the second day; which is never guaranteed. I practiced some communication skills with her which worked.

I came back home today and the half-packed place didn’t feel so bad.

Then I went and watched ‘Nomadland’, that new film with Frances McDormand. It kind of put it in perspective for me.

Work tomorrow.

[Beany Boo]

I’ve sorta had an idea this morning.

I can envision succeeding at something and continuing to feel sad afterwards.

Like, successes that don’t also assuage my grief, are still successes.

If I know the success will not include overcoming grief, then I can act with less at stake.

When I succeeded at things, before the grief set in, I did not think, this will only count if I also fix an overwhelming emotion situation.

That’s it.

[rivergirl]

I'm glad to hear you had a bit of a respite, Beany.

I read the book that Nomadland is based on, and it was eye-opening. I plan to watch the movie, although I know it will probably make me feel sad.

rg

[snoringdog]

I'll be checking it out, thanks

96% on the tomatometer

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/nomadland