Stuttering: short term therapy. CBT and mindfulness.

[oak]

Thank you, Beany Boo. I appreciate your encouragement and insight.

1. The reason I deleted the post was due to relishing the idea of Mel Blanc in hell. My conscience was like... "oof, that's a bit much".

2. I'm still fine with the other half of that post:

My person and dignity were assaulted, and the person who gleefully did that walked away without consequences. Now it is thirty years later, and I'm left with bad options:

1. Pretend it didn't happen; result: he gets away with it.

2. Acknowledge it did happen and forgive him; result: he gets away with it.

3. Acknowledge it did happen and lament the lack of justice; result: I look bitter and resentful and he still gets away with it.

Four more thoughts:

1. Mel Blanc is a celebrated artist, and yet his jive voice acting resulted in many innocent children being bullied and tormented. And yet he claim distance: putting metaphorical tinder and wood and lit matches next to each other, then disavow fires that start. Coward.

2. Maybe these aren't just questions about my stuttering; what about others who have been deeply wronged?

Maybe there is something deeply human, and very dark and intimate indeed, about long-ignored wrongs.

3. We tend forget/forgive/gloss over faults in the past. This is mostly good, and many people have generously forgiven my faults. I was bullied, yet I had no time, interest, or inclination to bully others. I am broken, but I'm not warped.

4. Getting angry at people who hurt me thirty years ago is a convenient expedient to avoid the very real damage I am doing to myself right now: sleep apnea caused by obesity. My faulty reasoning: if I am justifiably resentful at childhood abuse, then I don't have to face my own faults, and ergo (here's the real payoff) I don't have to change my behaviors, actions, and habits today.

I'm perhaps being a bit too hard on myself in #4, considering I'm taking concrete actions (see post on sleep apnea), but there is more than a grain of truth to my projection and displacing of blame.

Being a human is complex and difficult.