Looking for a home

[Beany Boo]

Silly and self indulgent is a good sign.

Let’s see how you manage.

Post as often as you feel like.

[snoringdog]

Why "silly and self indulgent", why not a form of self care?

Whatever helps, shouldn't be discounted!

[oak]

Well said, SnoringDog: any port in a storm.

Good luck during your 4-day weekend, Rivergirl!

[Beany Boo]

I feel silly and self indulgent when vulnerable and reaching out; it natural. There’s a tiny/massive risk there.

[rivergirl]

Thank you all for your kindness. Here's a bit of an update.

I think that I've had times when I've felt relatively good this weekend, mostly later afternoon or evening. I accomplished a couple of things that I've been putting off. Yesterday I challenged myself to go inside a new place to order coffee (a place called Moon Goat Coffee.) I took Japanese-French pastries to my kind neighbor. I started listening to the Duncan Trussell episode of MIHH and it resonated with me. My brother and his wife are bringing over dinner this evening.

Here's the not so good part, and anyone who is reading this, please feel free not to continue. My distress has been fully present each morning, and today it is deep and overwhelming and is continuing into the afternoon. I'm functioning outwardly but experiencing so much grief, and a feeling that the world around me is very strange and empty and that life has mostly stopped (at least for me). I feel like I've been in this same place so often in the past 5-6 years. I know that Covid isolation, recent events with my sister, etc. are exacerbating these feelings, but somehow knowing that doesn't help.

I'm over halfway through the weekend now. I'm apprehensive about tomorrow because I had an appointment that was cancelled and tomorrow looms as an empty day. I'll keep trying to get things done so I feel ready for the week, meditate, perhaps do a short yoga session, try to hold on for another day and a half.

rg

[oak]

Yes! Just hold on.

Post here as much as you want and need to. Post ten times if you want. We’re here for you.

[manuel_moe_g]

Rivergirl, please take care. Weekends can be tough.

[brownblob]

I can relate to that distress and that feeling that the world is strange and empty. Just wanted to tell you I hear you and hope you manage to muddle through tomorrow.

[Beany Boo]

I feel like I've been in this same place so often in the past 5-6 years.

This bit definitely resonates.

[rivergirl]

Thank you Oak, Manuel Moe, and brownblob. I appreciate you all more than I can say.

brownblob, I'm sorry you've gone through so much pain in your life, and that it's ongoing. I hear you too, and you don't deserve to suffer so much.

Sometimes it feels like words are completely inadequate, either to express our pain or to offer comfort in this online way, and yet for me there is a small measure of comfort right now in knowing that this is a place where such feelings don't have to be hidden.