Decluttering and possible move: ongoing, Feb-March.

[oak]

Hi friends.

I kicked some cans down the road during the worst of coronavirus, and both are biting me late in this game: (1) I ate whatever, and now have sleep apnea and (2) spending all my time in my apartment, I was okay with clutter so long as I kept dirty dishes and dirty clothes to a minimum.

Right this minute I could throw away 50% of my stuff and not miss any of it. Without exaggerating I could throw away 90% of it.

Meanwhile, as I mentioned in Rivergirl's thread, I am troubled to not have received my apartment renewal lease yet. I know I should move for my own good, but not before receiving the vaccine, for my own personal moral reasons.

Moving or not, I want to declutter. Not only because I'd like to have a woman over, in some great day I can hardly imagine, but also to get minor repairs effected.

My lease, which ends April 30, says they need to give me sixty days to renew or not offer me a renewal. If they don't offer to renew my apartment, I have to be willing to have them show it to strangers with short notice, eg March 1 and after. My apartment is not ready for that. More precisely, my dignity isn't ready for showing it to strangers.

(Moving, if it happens, will be the other idea of this ongoing thread.)

So either way in the next two weeks I need to majorly declutter. (Cleaning should be more straightforward: an hour or two of cleaning will get it presentable.)

Though the following is a humble start, it is a start: I bought a box of contrator bags. These are a miracle.

I'll post more about this as it unfolds. This is a big part of my mental health, especially considering that I spend 99% of my life in my apartment.

Thanks for listening!

[oak]

Also, can I poll my dear friends here in the forum? I'm interested in your answer, and how you came to your answer.

If/when I move, I have two good options for cities to move to (for me, mid 40s, white collar work, interested in martial arts, sick of almost getting killed by reckless drivers):

Option A: A suburb 30 min from work.

Pro: I instantly and have continually vibed with this place: it feels right. It has good martial arts, and is a middle class suburb (much like the one I grew up in.) Lots of attractive women. It effortlessly feels like home, though I've never lived there.
Con: I would need a car.

Option B: Very close to my urban job.

Pro: World-class food, culture, people, entertainment, speakers, diversity, and art all within easy walking distance. Very vibrant. Also, while receiving zero pressure from him, my kindly father (who has often advised me extremely well) suggested considering this. Many diverse beautiful women for dating/marriage.
Con: It is a little bit gritty, not exactly my vibe. (It would be better than my current city, which has lots of QAnon people, which is its own story).

What do you think? May I ask how you came to this conclusion?

I am very grateful for your thoughts.

[rivergirl]

Hi Oak,

I'm sorry about your possible move while Covid issues are still a major consideration. I hope you're able to put off any move until Covid is less of a factor.

It sounds as though decluttering would make you feel better about your space whether or not you need to move, so it's good that you're taking those steps.

This is just my first thought about your options for where to move. If you're able to wait until things open up a bit more, I'd advise spending time doing some of your usual activities in both environments to see how they feel to you. Go to a martial arts session, hang out in a coffee shop, go grocery shopping, take walks. Make the commute to the suburb a few times as practice just to see how it feels. Tour several apartments in your price range in both environments to see what you can afford. This may sound overly simple and maybe you've already done these things, but in my experience what you imagine it will feel like to live somewhere can be very different from the reality.

rg

[Beany Boo]

Which is more likely to bring your mind and body to life daily? The link to culture or the link to childhood?

This seems crucial to me,

Where are you most able to confidently build a connection to a community; as opposed to just residing there?

You can encounter women everywhere but they’re more likely to make themselves available to you in a shared communal context.

[remarks]

Oak,

For what it's worth, I'd choose option A. You can still enjoy city life without living right in the middle of it. Also, you said it feels like home -- that's a good sign.

Yes, getting a car will be a challenge, but I actually miss my drives to work since I work from home now. It was "me time" to listen to music or podcasts, collect my thoughts, etc.

[oak]

1. Deep thanks and appreciation
2. Decluttering action effected
3. Apartment searching action effected

1. Thank you for advice and insight! My dear friends, you know how I appreciate you all. I am especially pleased that you took the time to share your thoughts on something so important to me. I am continuing to mull and effect your advice. Updates soon.

2. Last night I filled ten contractor bags with the bulky stuff of decluttering. I estimate this to be 50% of my clutter, and all of the big stuff.

3. Just now I filled out an internet contact form for an apartment complex in the nice suburb I mentioned above.

I began to feel anxiety about not receiving a lease renewal from my current place, so intuitively using the CBT Worry Tree form, I decided to take back some agency by just going for it, and contacting them.

All in all I feel a little better.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hi Oak, can you tell us more about the CBT worry tree?

[oak]

Certainly, Manuel Moe. Here is one example:

https://www.cbtcliniclondon.com/5-ways- ... g-leaflet/

Here is another:

https://www.drchristinahibbert.com/the- ... orry-tree/

Condensed:

Is what I'm anxious about real?
If yes, is there anything I can do about it?
If yes, can I find actions steps to plan?
If yes, can I effect any of these solutions right now?
If yes, do so, and then focus your attention elsewhere.

For any answers of no, focus your attention elsewhere (often easier said than done!)

[oak]

Tuesday Action Update:

1. I emailed my current apartment manager, who, regrettably, hasn't gotten back to me.

My lease is up April 30, so it is time for some movement.

2.Like every situation in my life I started with a spreadsheet. By the end of the day today I was able to:

a. Made a list of 9 apartment complexes in the nice suburb.

b. Contacted 4 of the 9.

It feels good to take action to advocate for myself.

In that spirit, every day my current apartment manager doesn't give me a firm answer, I'll find ten new possible apartment complexes, and contact five of them. Every day. I'll keep you posted.

[manuel_moe_g]

I admire and am humbled by you, a self-actualized man. Well done.