Love and depression. Living but not alive

[Smalltownanabull]

I’m new to the forum. I’m currently living on own. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live. I have the most loving family that care for me more than anything and show me so much support and love, but I’m still so self destructive and depressed. I know I won’t be able to recover from my mental illness until I decide I’m worth fighting for, but for now I just get out of bed, eat enough, stay hydrated, shower and leave my apartment every once in a while just for family’s sake. It’s so hard and I just want to connect with people that are also struggling without any apparent reason.. I’ve been so blessed, never abused, wealthy, mostly good health, it’s embarrassing and makes me feel like I’m not a real person all I am is my depression, my eating disorder, my panic and anxiety, my social discomfort and fear. Anyone relate?

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Smalltownanabull,

Depression, an eating disorder, panic and anxiety, and social discomfort and fear would devastate anyone, so I wouldn't say you are struggling without any apparent reason.

But you are definitely more than just a list of mental disorders.

I have felt like you do, because the majority of my problems are purely mental too. Right now I feel a lot better, the biggest difference is hope.

Other people in the forum will chime in. Please take care, keep the lines of communication open.

[oak]

Welcome! Three quick thoughts for you:

1. Everything you describe is 100% worthy of taken seriously, as you are a person of worth and dignity.

2. You are certainly not alone with what you describe.

3. Look at you! Getting out of bed, eating, drinking enough water, showering, and leaving the house. Those are real accomplishments, and excellent ways to spend one's spoons.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

[Smalltownanabull]

That spoon theory wiki link was really helpful thanks oak!