Anyways.. here goes.
I wonder if others who have lost someone close to them have daily (still 7months later) intrusive thoughts? Those finally weeks of suffering/pain and the image of my son dead are nonstop. As soon as I start to have a moment of peace and forget he’s gone ... boom image of of my dead son. Or nonstop reel playing of him begging me to not let him die “mommy I don’t want to die I want to be big gigantic boy”.
Yesterday was a bad day. I could feel the swelling in my chest and the sadness setting in. But my other children were home and I didn’t want to completely breakdown(once I start crying it’s hard to turn it off). I started power cleaning my house. Then went on to my Jeep. Went as far as to pull the seats and carpet out. Fortunately my husband knows me well and could see what was going on. He came out and helped me disassemble my seats and pull carpet. He cranked the music up and was just with me. Sometimes I think if I didn’t have him here for all this I wouldn’t have made it.
I’m not sure if it’s the right way to go about dealing with the intrusive thoughts. But it did help for a while.
I know I need a support group and counseling. We live in a rural area so there is really only one option and due to covid it’s not going at the moment.
My kids do a online teen grief support group with other kids who have lost a sibling.
Sorry for typos and all that