Work

[rivergirl]

I'm glad you're feeling reassured, Beany, and I admire your honesty about how uncomfortable empathy can be.

I want to think that things are getting better for everyone as some of the rigid gender roles become more fluid, and people (of whatever gender) feel more free to be themselves and tell their stories, but some of the current Me Too reports that are still emerging make it seem there's still a long way to go.

[manuel_moe_g]

A billion more Beanys. Man, that would be great!

[Beany Boo]

Thank you both,

I bumped into her this morning by chance.

She said she didn’t remember.

So, that’s that.

[snoringdog]

Cool. You have a new beginning then at the coffee shop!

I think we all overly magnify some of our interactions, don't we? Obsessing on them a bit too much. And always comparing ourselves unfavorably to the too-high standard we have for ourselves...

(I don't know how many times a day an intrusive thought doesn't pop into my head about a past incident that is now imagined to be an embarrassment or failure of some kind.... )

[Beany Boo]

I sympathize SD, it cannot be easy. I don’t really understand what happened. Hopefully this is me learning to process it ready for next time.

[snoringdog]

Hello Beanie,

Seems like a simple disconnect between emotions and words, that's all. We've all had that.

High-stress-overload (and the distraction) drains the energy that's required for a genuine emotional delivery, right? The good intent is there, but not the delivery.

(So you get a 10 for the script, but a 3 for the acting )

[Beany Boo]

Psychosocial hazards

I’m learning about these at work.

I think they might play a major role in my drama.

Apparently workplaces are rife.

It’s a new concept in work health and safety.

I can identify a few. I’m not sure how to remediate them though.

[Beany Boo]

These are my recent learnings from work. Hopefully they make sense. I guess the theme is psychological safety:

- If someone approaches, stand (so they don’t stand over you)
- Don’t fall into the other’s angry rhythm (when someone is verbally demanding)
- Decide if you want to respond, before you start responding (get use to delivering awkward pauses)
- Use people’s names in sentences (to remind them of their manners)
- Focus on your breathing while you listen (listening with feeling requires oxygen)
- Respond to verbal demands with, “I’m listening” (people start saying what they really want)
- ‘Go slow to go fast’ (back country hiking expression)
- Manage your daily cognitive load so it doesn’t max out
- Boredom is a recognized psychosocial health work hazard
- You don’t need to win conflicts, you only have to raise them (conflict is risk management, risk management leads to productivity)

[oak]

Word.

[Beany Boo]

Someone strode up to me at my desk and stood over me. It was the end of day. They wanted me to drop the urgent thing I was already doing. Their request was urgent too, only more so (it wasn’t).

I was furious. I did their task without pretense of willingness or politeness. I didn’t feel embarrassed that I might be making a scene because I had little control over the circumstances. It seemed more important then not to behave like a doormat. I just did my best to dance through it without doing any damage I might regret later.

Standing over me and demanding things triggers something primal in me, from childhood.

Then I made my way home barely able to control myself.

Then…

I spontaneously realized what I was feeling wasn’t anger at them (the standover-er, the workplace, the culture). When someone stands over me I feel unsafe. As soon as I recognized I was feeling unsafe, I began to calm down. I was in an unsafe situation. Now, later on the bus I am back in a safe situation. It’s over.

‘I feel unsafe’

I think that’s the truest statement I have ever made. And it feels calming to say it.



I heard yesterday, because of their experiences, chronic trauma sufferers crave extreme safety and self-protection; over making moves to connect with others.

It makes me wonder, how could I anticipate connections that could happen shortly, in the wake of this latest incident?