Fancy hot dogs.

[oak]

I am about to have a slightly upscale hot dog experience:

1. Hebrew National hot dogs (I am spoiled)
2. Brioche hot dog buns
3. Local sauerkraut
4. Vidalia onions

I'm kicking myself for not getting kimchi. So good.

I am going to do a little tai chi or chair yoga to get my appetite back.

While I'm hardly in any scientific position to argue with Johns Hopkins, I'll happily use any excuse to eat fermented food. If my anxiety or grief (which I equate with "depression" in the following) can be mitigated by probiotics, then sure, let's eat some kimchi. I'm going to eat it anyway.

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/ ... -your-mood

I'll report here after the experience.

[oak]

Update!

It wasn't bad.

I spoiled my appetite by eating a Twinkie about an hour ago.

Still, the brioche bun was especially good. The onion gave it a satisfying crunch.

I may post again when I use the sauerkraut. I have a nice beef roast that it may go well with.

Mitigating HALT is a good way to start my holiday weekend. I have trauma counseling tomorrow, but I think we'll keep it comparatively light.

Whatever your Vidalia onion of happiness is, I hope you enjoy it this weekend.

[manuel_moe_g]

Outstanding! You deserve the best, Oak, as the perfect model of a self-actualized man. No hot dog is too good for you!

[rivergirl]

Hi Oak,

Your post reminded me that when my nephew was around 5 years old and we were at a cafe where he was served a Hebrew National hot dog, he thought it was a "Hindu National" and explained to us that it was made of plants because Hindus don't eat animals.

I'm glad you're avoiding HALT when you can. If you feel like posting more about your holiday weekend, I'll be interested to know how it's going.

rg

[Beany Boo]

Nicely done Oak,

I’ve never heard of a Hebrew National Hotdog. So now I must have one.

Your retelling is for savoring. There is wisdom in your enjoyment.

Yum!

[oak]

@Manuel Moe and BeanyBoo: Thank you for your encouragement. I hope both you had a good weekend.

@RiverGirl: Thanks for asking. I:

1. Read (well, skimmed to the important parts) of the books that have shaped me the most: Man's Search for Meaning, Seasons of a Man's Life, Return to Religion, Iron John. In the previous week I started The Body Keeps the Score and Deaths of Despair.

None of these books are a barrel of laughs, but each, in their own way, forcefully reminds me to "count the cost": a man's life has real consequences from his choices.

2. I watched some Hallmark movies, read some O. Henry, and saw "The King's Speech" (overcoming stuttering! Facing N*zis with courage! Helena Bonham Carter!): all of which reminded me that I am human.

3. My so-called "trauma counseling" is sputtering along, no closer to facing the trauma. I for one am very sick of the counselors turning everything back to me with "What do you think?". It is time for a frank talk with my new counselor. But just the thought of starting over again is exhausting. I may need to use my words.

4. Perhaps motivated by the self-examination above, I reached out to my creditors to initiate repayment plans. This debt is all from 2004-2007, and I am ready for a freer conscience.

This three day weekend was a real chance to look in the mirror. I am grateful for it.

[rivergirl]

Thank you for sharing, Oak.

I'm impressed by your continued self exploration and quest for meaning. I'm also glad that you balanced the depths with enjoyable entertainment.

I'm sorry the trauma counseling isn't going as you'd hoped, but think it's worth being honest with your therapist to see if improvement is possible.

rg

[Beany Boo]

All I would say Oak is,

Don’t protect your therapist from your thoughts. Even if you’re not sure yourself that they’re safe to share. Even if it takes the therapist more than a few sessions to hear what you’ve let out.

That’s just from my experience.

[remarks]

Huh...I thought "fancy hot dog" was an oxymoron!

[oak]

Hi friends.

I’ve since discovered that “Sweet Hawaii” buns are also good.

In a larger sense, as a typical American I am disappointed that for years I didn’t really understand or appreciate the more sour/pungent foods: sauerkraut in this case.

A sense of vinegar, if that makes sense.

Likewise, if I can try to make this anology, trauma counseling is a horror: it is a vinegar experience. But vinegar is cleansing, and has been around for thousands of years. I like to think that I am part of something that people have been facing for thousands of years. I am part of something bigger, even though it is no fun. But it is rewarding.

Likewise, when the time is right, a person can face their grievous faults in middle age. Vinegar is uncompromising, as is trauma counseling.