Another iron in the fire. (Hi)

[Marty Flipman]

Hello...

I have no idea how to start this off, and I'm always afraid that I won't be able to stop once I get going.

My mind won't leave my mind alone.
I do go into depressions I call funks; I guess to lessen their meaning. I'm pretty good at reasoning my way through poor moods, however I use weed as a crutch to get there.
I'm sure there are better places here to discuss all that...

I'm an artist and a writer (same thing).
I would bet most of my friends and associates have no idea how poorly I view myself. I entertain them, while I project myself as a self-reliant person... why would they think I had anything other than a confident opinion of who I am? (I use derivatives of this to constantly give myself pep talks.)

I had a falling down shit fit, panic attack about a year ago.
In some ways it set me free, but I feel fragile now.
I allow stress to step in front of my creativity and demand my whimpering attention.

Here's the good news:
I feel on the verge of something in my "career path" based on my various talents.
If I could just let the future be bright... or something...

Anyway,
The podcast has become a huge mood enhancer for me.
I tend to shrug off encouragement (although it feels great when it comes). Through these interviews, with successful people who suffer the same mind torture I do, I find hope.

...I'm trying.

Thanks for the show!
(Wow... that wasn't weird at all.)

[Darwin's i-Pod]

Welcome sir! Hope you find some peace of mind here. What kind of writing do you do?

[Marty Flipman]

Thanks

I'm constantly writing fiction in a secretive-kind of urgency.
However most of my stuff in print is social and political satire, local commentary, and the tiniest bit of reporting.
...and then anything that can make me a dime: resumes, grants, corporate copy, etc.

[Darwin's i-Pod]

Wow, sounds like you're pretty busy. Is there anywhere online that we could read some of your work?

[Eternally Learning]

Welcome Marty! This community is here for everyone to feel free to open up and share what they want so I don't think you need to be concerned about over-sharing. Thanks for doing it!

[Paul Gilmartin]

Marty,
Welcome, and I want to second what everyone else said. I hope you find a home here to share what's going on with you. Its a great start. And I'm really glad you like the podcast.

I would estimate that at least three or four times an hour I think one of these three thoughts: I don't have enough, I don't do enough, I am not enough. Its taken me a while to get to the point where I know to not listen to that voice, but its still annoying and sometimes quite convincing.

Paul

[Frootsy Collins]

Hi Marty,

I just wanted to throw in my two cents and say I can really relate to a lot of the things you said, so you shouldn't ever feel alone. I'm really happy you feel like you're on the verge of getting to a better place. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help you get there.

[Marty Flipman]

Thanks everybody!

Every time I hear Paul say, "You're not alone," or read it, is kind of amazing. It's relief, but not from burden. It's sorta... recognition.
It causes me to take a deep breath, which is relaxing... but it still feels like there is work that needs to be done, or progress to be made. The weight in my chest is still there.

I do have an online presence... as some of you meddling kids have guessed; I'm not Marty Flipman.

Half of what I do can be seen at www.kenthibado.com (hidden in there is a clue to my real name)
The other half is best exemplified by the various screeds found at http://hubpages.com/profile/Ken+Thibado (an even easier clue)

Here's the rub... and this is very real to me. You people are the only ones, other than my wife, who know I deal with... well, what we all deal with here. I'm not really interested in hiding it, I've just never owned it before.

At any rate... that felt good too.

[Paul Gilmartin]

Marty,

I'm so glad you're getting some of the weight of your chest and realizing not only are you NOT alone, you are very much a part of a large, large community of people who know how you feel. The relief I felt when I began to open up and talk about how afraid and alone I felt was amazing. I had gone though my life thinking I needed to impress people to have them love me. All I really had to do was to stop trying to impress them and talk honestly about what's going on with me, and to care what's going on with them.


Paul

[Eternally Learning]

Marty,

You really confirm for me, the value of the show and this forum. I really believe that society at large is only just beginning to be aware of how to deal with mental illness and one of the side-effects of society's ineptness is that no one bothers to tell us what these feelings mean when we're young and no one expresses what's really going on inside their heads. We end up with a superficial look at everyone around us, sucessful or not, and don't realize the internal struggles that it took for them to get where they are, and the struggles that they deal with because of where they are.

Being able to share and be shared with, IMO, puts our lives and our feelings and our thoughts into a more realistic context with relation to the world. Paul's tagline of "You are not alone" seems so simple and dopey, but in reality it is an incredibly profound and life-changing thing to know.

Glad you're here and sharing man!