the daily fight to not hate myself

[manuel_moe_g]

It has been going pretty good lately. Been working daily to really love the teenage version of myself, and not to blame him for all the suffering he had to endure.

I practice the 4 elements exercise with my teenage version of myself:

• earth - grounded, feet firmly on the floor,
• air - breath, inhale for 4 seconds, hold breath for 2 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, cycle through these steps 2 times,
• water - saliva, think about eating some of his favorite foods (in this case, beef jerky ),
• fire - light - safe-place-memory, put my mental teenage version of myself in a "safe place" (in this case, the public library of my youth)

This will be the daily exercise to connect myself with him

He has been hated for too long (hated by myself), it is time for peace for him.

[nightcitysong]

I love this! I spend so much time with teenage me. She’s SO big a partner of me. We listen to a bunch of her favorite anger, a fart music, wear something we liked from that era and just enjoy allowing ourselves feel sad and generally make some moody and dark art.

She’s like my big sister who came along to protect the child me and I love her - she the badass part of me who is sick of everyone bullshit! She’s terribly sad too, but she’s also like… I can fucking express this! Time to grab the black lipstick! Hehe.

[manuel_moe_g]

She’s like my big sister who came along to protect the child me and I love her - she the badass part of me who is sick of everyone bullshit! She’s terribly sad too, but she’s also like… I can fucking express this! Time to grab the black lipstick! Hehe.

I love the description of the teenage part of you! She sounds kick-ass!

[nightcitysong]

I’m laughing at my type-os… that was meant to say angsty music! Hehe.

Heck yeah.

I hope today is a good day.

[manuel_moe_g]

"anger, a fart music", gotta laugh at that typo!

You have a wonderful day, NightCitySong!

[snoringdog]

Well, I have seen an errant fart defuse an angry rant once or twice along the way...

[rivergirl]

Teenaged Manuel Moe is still a child in some ways, just trying to figure out where he fits into the world (like all teenagers). He deserves kindness and love!

And I thought you were describing some new genre of music that I'm not familiar with, nightcitysong.

[manuel_moe_g]

Realizing that teenaged MannyMoe doesn't deserve hatred is making it easier to recognize the mean voice in my head and discount what he says. It is a relentless voice. That voice specifically wants to make me sad and depressed.

Still checking in on that teenaged MannyMoe inside of me, daily. I do it right after I weigh myself in the morning.

[manuel_moe_g]

had a temptation to hate on the teenage Manuel...

"Teenage Manuel wanted desperately for someone to help him, but he would not take the time to help others he knew were in pain. That means teenage Manuel is a bad person."

But there is another way to frame it. Teenage Manuel just needs gentle guidance and no judgement. Besides, there is every opportunity for us to rewrite the script and have the spirit of teenage Manuel help people, help me, help the even younger mental version of myself, just with gentle guidance.