Brief update

[rivergirl]

I've been happier in some ways this past month than I have in years. But at times it feels so fragile that I don't trust that it can last at all. This morning I woke up feeling extremely distressed. It's some combination of having discontinued one of my antidepressant medications too quickly on my own after letting the prescription lapse, the holidays without much of my family left, work stress, new relationship stress, etc. In particular the new relationship I'm in feels scary to me and I've already come to rely on it so much, but it's too soon to know if it can last. We see each other about once a week and text every day, and plan to try to spend more time together over the holidays, but it still feels so uncertain to me. I've stopped trying to hold up my side of the relationship with my brother and his wife and they don't try, so it feels like if my new romantic relationship ends I'll be more alone than ever.

Thank you to anyone who reads this, and I hope you're finding some comfort and peace during this holiday time that can be difficult for a lot of us.

[oak]

RiverGirl, thanks for sharing.

I am glad you are doing better. And yes, there is no easy way to adjust or start/stop medicine.

I'm glad your time in romance is up and family time is down.

Fragile as your happiness is, I am glad it is there at all. I celebrate this happiness. Please do keep us posted.

[Beany Boo]

It’s normal to feel horrible when you stop a depression medication suddenly.

It’s also normal to feel alone while in a relationship. It’s okay to be honest about that. You brought that feeling with you. That’s in no way your fault. The relationship is unlikely to solve that feeling. You have a history you’re trying to put together. The best you can hope for is that the other person is someone you can talk to about it openly.

Hopefully they’re someone who doesn’t make you responsible for solving their loneliness. Then you can each experience it when you need to, without shame. You can just organize around it and still spend time sharing each other’s thoughts and feelings in the way you both enjoy. Then if it doesn’t last you go without leaving anything behind.

That said, someone who affords you that freedom to be your whole self, is good to keep around.

Making it last should never be the object. Making it deliver something that grows you, while it’s happening, is sufficiently vague but better.

You might also find that less effort and time spent with your brother is actually a step forward in your relationship with him.

Being plagued by a fear of losing control has been wreaking havoc. You can be trusted. You are worthy of respect. You are entitled to change your mind.

Your capacity to read warning signs is at expert level. Take a day off