You guys are helping me big time!

[snoringdog]

Hello Manny,

Following the analogy -
Real cheerleading (at a game) looks like it takes a lot of effort, and of course it's exhausting!

You can also try a quieter "Good Job, Manny....Atta boy" while you catch your breath, or during halftime.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks SnoringDog, that is a good thing to keep in mind.

It would be an honor to be the inner cheerleader in the minds of my friends here, I will try to offer myself the same courtesy.

But won't use it as another opportunity to beat myself up.

[Beany Boo]

You don’t need to be my inner-cheerleader MM. I appreciate it but I don’t need that degree of support. It also feels like way more work than is required.

I am more that happy for you to be my outer-cheerleader and only then when you feel like it and have the energy.

And even then, not a cheerleader. If you are just a supportive presence with kindly intent; that is sufficient for my needs.

Ultimately, a kindly presence who can manage for themself and who stands by to support me managing for myself. And only when they can. That’s my preference.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hi Beany!

Maybe i am speaking wishfully, maybe i wish there was a cheerleader in my head to overcome the negative thoughts in my head.

I am doing alright. My friends here on this board, they don't deserve to suffer, it hurts me.

Treatment resistant depression is a mind-fuck.

[Beany Boo]

I suspected that it hurts you.

It’s okay to let them take care of themselves; as scary as that might seem.

It’s enough that you show up for them. More than enough.

[manuel_moe_g]

Mini-brain-dump...

No bolt from the blue is going to save me

my best life is just this current life with a few of the rough edges rounded off, with a great deal of effort put into rounding off those few rough edges, because the last 5% of the result takes 80% of the effort...

my legacy is probably going to be me not being "great" but just showing up spiritually for my friends and family, and that is good

my goals are all about effort, not a bolt from the blue or a ground-shaking insight

i am like Dorothy and the Red Slippers, what i need i had all along

head down, get to work, be compassionate to myself

[oak]

Agreed, Manuel Moe.

Regarding your legacy, consider what you have accomplished here:

How many generations of people lived and died, never knowing that though they struggled with (what we call depression, anxiety et Al), they were not alone?

Through the miracle of the internet, you and Mr. Gilmartin provide a safe, clean space where we can meet. This forum has been as comforting as counseling (which is saying something) and much more comforting than family, religion, and community put together has been for me and my mental health.

Consider what you’ve done in this Internet forum. Such a legacy.

Edit to add:

We have enough “great” people: they get statues.

We need more people like you, “good” people. They’ll never make a statue of you, but they should. Perhaps the statue is in our hearts.

[manuel_moe_g]

mini-brain-dump...

head down, get to work, be compassionate to myself, and work while thinking about sustainability

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello Oak,

you are making me blush <wayne and garth: i am not worthy>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

more brain-dump...

in my stupid head i catch myself imagining giving a pompous speech in front of dignitaries, so embarrassing to think, giving a speech as a result of me accomplishing something "great"

i read somewhere that imagining the end result reduces the likelihood of accomplishment, because you short circuit the motivation, you satisfy impulse with the purely imagined end result, so embarrassing how much i have indulged imagining the end result of accomplishing something great without taking even the tiniest concrete step forward

2022 is a good year to "head down, get to work, be compassionate to myself, and work while thinking about sustainability"

[Beany Boo]

I suspect your legacy is probably going to be you being "great" by just showing up spiritually for your friends and family, because that is rare.

If you’re available to show them love when they need it and also, available to receive love from them when they need to give it to you, well, you’ve won at life…

If you do something in the periods in between those moments; something that is viewed as ‘great work’, I’m sure there will be people who are admiring, respectful, envious etc.

[manuel_moe_g]

trying to get better at stopping compulsive smartphone browsing and scrolling

trying to get better at celebrating myself when i successfully shift my attention away from smartphone browsing and scrolling

wish me luck, please