Ta-dah! List

[Beany Boo]

Something strange(-good) has begun to happen.

I’ve stopped trying to give the ‘best possible response’, every time, to my co-workers incessant queries.

I didn’t do anything novel that I can tell. I just noticed that they’re unnecessarily demanding. And I started giving less than adequate information in return, all of a sudden. The weird thing is, it feels really good.

I’m not being malicious, just giving what, now, seems like a reasonable amount.

It could be the mindfulness training.

The ta-dah! is saving something for myself (for the first time in my life).

[Beany Boo]

I struggled through an assignment today. I have no real clue if it’s good or not. I felt clear minded about it though and decisive. For a couple of hours that is.

I think the ta-dah! was I managed a few hours of structured work well outside my comfort zone and then stopped and now, feel somewhat un-anxious about it.

[manuel_moe_g]

I think the ta-dah! was I managed a few hours of structured work well outside my comfort zone and then stopped and now, feel somewhat un-anxious about it.

This is superb, Beany! Congratulations!

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM

It looks like it all comes back to ‘cognitive load’. If I exceed my daily cognitive load I pay for it with anxiety. Whether it’s relatively difficult or relatively easy work/life, as long as I cut it off before my daily cognitive limit I’m good. Sustained concentration and low levels of control make that ‘cutting off’ difficult to call. But it seems to work consistently.

[oak]

Very good, BeanyBoo.

I wonder: does your cognitive load vary due to HALT?

(Hungry angry lonely tired)

[Beany Boo]

It depends on HALT and then on the demand you take on to complete tasks and do emotional labor. Once your tank is empty and you’ve expended all the fuel, further increase to your cognitive load becomes detrimental.

[Beany Boo]

A truly hectic moment.

I can’t even unravel it to shed light. A blur. ‘A perfect storm.’

But minimal anxiety. And now it feels over. Or at least I’m recovering. With no permanent ill effects.

I kept waiting for the anxiety to kick in full blown. It was there at certain points. But it never stayed or overtook me.

I think the whole moment occurred because I’ve been experiencing anxiety less. I’d sort of obliviously navigated my way into difficulty over weeks because anxiety wasn’t holding me back.

As hectic as it became I (mindfully) noticed it wasn’t the kind of moment that triggers anxiety in me. The cues weren’t there.

The ta-dah! is I’m sitting in my living room now, a day later, more or less unscathed.

[manuel_moe_g]

I think the whole moment occurred because I’ve been experiencing anxiety less. I’d sort of obliviously navigated my way into difficulty over weeks because anxiety wasn’t holding me back.

I hear you, Beany.

It is strange that life is like layers of an onion, always another layer underneath.

Also strange that what you needed to get through on a Monday, stops working on Tuesday and you need something else completely different.

But it sounds like it was a smashing success for you, Beany, so happy for you. It blows my mind that Zen Masters like you have challenges too!

[Beany Boo]

I think life will always be difficult.

Instead of zen, I prefer ‘stumble’. I’m trying to master the art of stumbling. It’s practicing so when you hit the point that bounces you, you’re more or less angled to land on your feet, and not your face.

I’ve also stopped going for ‘relaxed’. It’s too hard to organize. I’m more focused on being ‘stressed’; but at the top of the bell curve. That stress level where you’re perched in motivation. Often I’m approaching a level that’s debilitating. As long as I can bring the stress dial back down to the motivating level, all is well.

[Beany Boo]

I noticed that for some reason everyone seemed markedly more impatient, frustrated and hasty than normal. I couldn’t really attribute it to anything and just tried to go with it.

Then I realized what had happened. It wasn’t a big deal. After several weeks my mindfulness practice had just begun to kick in.

The ta-dah! was understanding that I wasn’t doing anything wrong.