some steps forward, a lot of steps back (tw self harm)

[Mental Fairy]

Wow, powerful.
Absolutely powerful. Even a tear is shed currently. I don’t know you in the true physical self but the fact you told your partner has sent ripples through my mind.
I made the list also as I have to present it tomorrow to my therapist. Two things of note over the last couple of days.
Sunday: driving to collect my husbands Ute from a friend who has done some work on it to pimp his ride!!! I like to think of this as his midlife Ute crisis. Anywho….. driving along and for some reason our car connected to my iPhone and started playing mental health happy hour. I blushed and went to turn it down and he stopped me and said he wanted to hear it. We drove for 1hour and 12minutes listening to an episode. What I found interesting is we got lost twice trying to find where we were going because he was taken back by what was being discussed.
Sunday afternoon we had a catch up with my uncle (whom is an alcoholic) we were discussing medication that is currently not able to be dispensed here as we are in short supply thanks to covid. My husband said to myself and my uncle he was worried for all the people struggling with mental health that can’t access they much needed medication. I actually lost my speech ability as he has never ever said anything like that and never taken into account the problems it was cause. He also doesn’t know I’m on them.

Over the weekend I set myself a goal of running 42km as I used to do that a lot. I have trained for it but been struggling with the thoughts at times.
I got to 32km and stopped and rung hubby to collect me. I felt like a failure. I felt old. I felt defeated.
Today (Monday) I’ve spent my entire day cooking for my neighbours with covid and taking some time to listen to podcast.
I looked back on my list that I was to formulate for happy moments on childhood, only one of them is a moment moment with my mum. However she was drunk at the time. All the rest were with my grandparents. Not one about my father.
So alas I’m going to start a doofary! That’s a term I use when I can’t remember the name of something. So sit tight and hold on to your britches because..if you go to the active thingy and tap on cheek lifting memories please read on.

… active forum thingy on the doofary…no I’ve not lost my mind. I’m going to start a forum thing so everyone can look back on a positive…