Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Family

Well i hope you are all safe and well wherever you may be. I can't look at the news anymore as its way to much for the brain to take on.

Little update. Therapy tomorrow as i left it two weeks between appointments as i wanted to see if i can move forward without a need for a mental floatation device to save me every jittery moment i have when i feel like i'm sinking.

I got a call this past Monday from a lady who needs a speaker about ovarian cancer awareness. Something i see almost everyday. My boss is not a public speaker so i was left sitting on the phone in silence hoping she wouldn't ask me. Yip, she asked me and i said "let me sleep on it".

Two nights later and a worn trench in my carpet from pacing the hallway i replied to the message and said yes.

So on July 23ed i will doing my first ever talk on ovarian cancer awareness and my journey through nursing both my mum and my patients through the end of their lives. This has all happened at the time where i have two under 30 year old women facing the end of their lives.
I don't really know how i am going approach this and where to begin. The more i think about it the more i feel I've made a mistake. I will be talking in front of many people and being beamed in viz zoom nation wide. I guess i take the bull by the horns and go with it.

Maybe this will help me on my journey? maybe i will stand in a puddle of sweat and possibly shit myself with fear but i don't know unless i try. I think to combat the fear i will wear a raincoat and stand in a paddling pool so they don't need to claim insurance for any damage my body may do in a state if pure fear and panic.

Wonder if i picture the faces of all the patients that have lost their lives to this disease in the crowd it will help me. Do it for them? I have that inner me saying I'm not good enough and so on. Shit i hate this brain thing. It's handy at times but its also a frustration.

Better get back to work, just wanted to say hi to you all and I'm thinking of you.
Oak i hope you are doing better and the decluttering is a triumphant effort. So pleased for you. Manuel Moe i hope things at home are settling for you. SD thank you for your support and rivergirl. (i still like that name!)

[oak]

Mental Fairy, good evening and thank you for sharing.

Well done for demonstrating courage in offering to present.

If you're open to it, I have some suggestions to consider that will essentially give you the structure so your presentation writes itself.

(I speak with the authority of being an accomplished mediocrity at Toastmasters years ago.)

1. Above all, remember that people can remember two things from your presentation, and rarely three things. What two things do you want them to know?

(Answer this question before considering anything else.)

2. Facts tell stories sell. Which leads to...

3. Have a good start (begin with a story) and above all, for the love of all that is decent, have a strong finish. The middle? Eh.

Pull the threads together from the opening story, when you finish.

Here is an example off the top of my head:

"I remember when I first met Ashley. She was a young mother, who recently had [common symptoms]. I held her hand while she wept, having just received the diagnosis. The only thing that made this difficult situation better was knowing that there are promising new treatments for cervical cancer [then launch into the body of the presentation]."

Then, at the end, wrap up the story, preferably applying the info you just shared in the body of the presentation: "While Ashley had to be wary of a recurrence, thanks to [new treatment] she was able to [have meaningful life experience] thanks to [research]. This makes my job worthwhile."

If you go with a story (or representative amalgamation of typical patients' experience) where the patient dies, you can talk about the meaning found in the hospice journey.

4. Don't bother much with definitions or facts or anything anyone can find on Wikipedia. We all know how to Google.

Yet, paradoxically:

One of your two main points can (should?) be where to find resources. Eg, the NZ version of the NIH or AMA.

Seeing if I can wrap this up!

Just like when I decluttered my bedroom (thanks for the encouragement!), I threw out the clutter, identified what was worth keeping, and stowed the important stuff in their place.

The same with your presentation:

1. Throw out the clutter (definitions, or anything anyone can instantly find with the briefest of Google searches).
2. Identify what is important (I state that what is important is (1) stories, which people identify with and (2) readily available resources for those currently suffering, or concerned they have it)
3. Put the important stuff in the right place: knowing the two things you want them to know, you can package your presentation: grab their attention immediately with a story, talk about resources/new research, then leave them with a vivid reminder of the stakes.

I hope this is helpful, Mental Fairy!

My messy bedroom and your intimidating presentation are much easier when sliced into tiny chunks and put in their proper place, to be handled one by one.

hth!

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Glad to see your post. Hope you're getting some rest.
Just a few thoughts on the session;

1. I just read that 77% of respondents have a fear of public speaking, so you're not alone!

2. You're articulate and funny and warm (at least from your posts)! People will remember how you made them feel first. Info comes second.

3. You (unfortunately) have lived-experience which is invaluable. You could speak knowledgeably off the cuff, if it came to that.

4. Any further information that you provide, is a plus.

5. The listeners are there seeking help and support, and you are there for them. Love conquers fear.

6. They want you to succeed. They are on your side!

7. (Us too.)

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Oak and SD you both have made me emotional with your kindness and beautiful suggestions I am absolutely going to use. How soon can you guys fly out this way!!!

Because of the emotional connection to my profession I know I will speak naturally from the heart. That’s how I am regardless.

Just after I posted on here I got a call from a medical assistant up north in Waikato Hospital. We are both trying to solve a complex medical case. There is four of us quite literally trying to tick of possible causes for a patient’s decline.
We were talking about our current cases and debriefing with each other. She said some things that really resonated with me as we both are in our roles for the very same reason.

Then I come on here and talk to you all and I feel exactly the same. It’s like a very reassuring feeling knowing she understands me and you all also understand. The people that currently don’t may or may not ever understand and that’s ok.
I hope you all individually understand how helpful and heartfelt your comments and suggestions are.
This is something I’ve never had. Not like this.

I don’t ask for much in this world, just really good books to get lost in when I need escape and understanding.

I truly wholeheartedly felt lost this last few days and now I feel a bit more understood.

Wanting what’s best for my patients, my family and my friends. fortunately my friends are currently you lot and a weird neighbour!

A lady confided in my the other day she is not enjoying life in New Zealand. Her husband and herself moved here from the UK. I’ve made a point in calling her each week to let her know she is welcome and she is cared about. I had to think why I did it. Then it came to me, I never not once growing up got asked if I was ok by my mum. Yes, my nana and Grampy did but never my mum. It seems I’ve become so aware of feeling that I offer it to others.
Cause if mum asked me then the answer would of been something she didn’t want to hear or couldn’t deal with.

Lots of kiwi love to you all.

Best get writing my speech Oak. Think I might need to employ you!

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Mental Fairy, I am sure your speech will be a grand success. If Oak is able to help you from hard-won experience in Toastmasters, and being so very miles away, that would be magnificent. Please post often with your process, can't wait to read all of it.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi family.
Had therapy yesterday. Therapist is very nervous about my speech as it’s also very triggering. Even since accepting the offer I’ve had the nightmares and very anxious moments.
I’ve learnt a lot over these past few weeks and the biggest lesson is forgiveness.

I understand this must sound a bit woo woo but I’ve had to let go of a lot. This has mostly happened on here and on my yoga mat. Tears, anger, anxiety and regret washes over me at times. I acknowledge it, accept it and let it flow. Very much a monumental task is asking for forgiveness.

To allow the mind to process an event or an action. To accept it for what it is and not allow the brain to lie to myself. Also to understand why it does.

I feel I can talk to this group of people and maybe be careful in my wording. To not allow the triggers to take over.

You all individually have helped prop me back up, Manuel Moe I worry about you. Isn’t it interesting how we can worry about people whom we have never meet. We wonder if they are ok, passing thoughts of Oak on a mission to clean around his home, making room for the new Oak. The improved Oak and the real Oak. SD watching the birds in flight and making sense of madness I endure over this forum. Rivergirl going through her struggles and popping into here and giving kindness and support.

Without this forum I hate to think what would of happened to me. I know I wouldn’t of opened up, even the therapist knows that. I would of gone into my shell and probably fallen back into a spiral of eating disorder and excessive training as I never felt good enough.

You all make me feel good enough.

[Mental Fairy]

This is the first time in public for a bike ride in daylight. I literally paced the house terribly frustrated with feeling of anxiety.

[snoringdog]

Sunlight is beautiful.
Drink it in!

[snoringdog]

And nothing better for anxiety than a hard-pedaling bike ride!

(Exercise bike in the am has done wonders for me when I'm wired up. Even just a 10 minute cycle....)

[Mental Fairy]

It absolutely helped that’s for sure.
We currently have storm warning In place and flooding.
I tried a slight daylight jog this morning and found the brain was in hyperdrive of negative talk.
Was listening to the latest episode of mental health happy hour and it absolutely gave me more strength to carry on. Have an understanding of how you go into freeze mode during sexual abuse.

My therapist thinks I’m currently in freeze mode with all relationships as I absolutely avoid touch. The thought of it makes me shudder.
This is my current obstacle I’m struggling with. It’s only been like this since I noticed I need help.
So I guess since birth really!!!!!