Mind Body and Trauma

[oak]

Yeah I would love some dream analysis please!!!

"...or die trying."

That is his catchphrase. Since we all die, the only question is if we'll try.

Fight ovarian cancer or die trying.

My cursory review of ovarian survival rates showed grim statistics, especially after Stage 2.

Your friends volunteered to come to a presentation. They have, like all of us, only so much time and chose to spend part of it supporting you. They already know the information, vividly and viscerally first-hand, yet part of their "try" (above) is to support you.

You are on to something, my friend, and your wonderfully sophisticated dream life is giving hints.

[Mental Fairy]

Well my fellow friends the speech is done, turns out I was up for an award and received a medal for dedication.
My patients were waiting at the door and it was all a little emotional. I held it together and did my talk. Some members of the crowd cried, some very much broke down.
I was honest, I explained I battle with things, I also explained I couldn’t of been here without the help of some people I’ve never ever meet. Explained I have therapy and lean of others that understand for stability.
The freeing feeling I felt after actually saying it was profound.

I had a night terror last night and in my sleep apparently I was trying to yell some prayers as I recall there was something evil taking away my grandad, Grampy. I woke with a fright and again got my running shoes on and ran for two hours. Got home and felt better.

Maybe one day i will run in daylight. Maybe one day I will feel confident again, maybe one day the voice that tells me I’m not worth, I’m ugly, unlovable and dumb will stop. One day the fear of eating and what it can do to my insides will stop.

Until then, I’m here with you guys. And even if it does stop I’m still going to be here.
Your worth it, you all are loveable and not one of you are dumb. If I could I would take you all out for dinner and talk our heads off.

So ya stuck with me team!

What’s on your meal plan this coming week Oak?
Where is our SD?
How is our Manuel Moe
And Rivergirl I hope your forging a river of positivity.

[oak]

What’s on your meal plan this coming week Oak?

Since you are kind enough to ask, Mental Fairy, I will do it tomorrow after... you guessed it... yoga!

Well my fellow friends the speech is done, turns out I was up for an award and received a medal for dedication.
My patients were waiting at the door and it was all a little emotional. I held it together and did my talk. Some members of the crowd cried, some very much broke down.

Mental Fairy, congratulations!

Getting a medal? How lovely!

Well done for frankly discussing such an important topic. You've done very well.

Also, please give your psyche this full permission and authority:

They do not give medals, in medicine and the sciences, to people who are dumb. So the next time that voice claims such a pernicious lie, shake the medal at that voice and angrily demand that they explain how a supposedly "dumb" person is given a medal for the sciences.

Said voice will not have an answer!

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you Oak. I have to admit I did a little trick of the mind before standing up.
I imagined all the people I care about that I’ve lost standing behind me, and tried to form an image in my minds eye of the few people that know me standing beside me. Including you lot. Even though I have absolutely no idea what any of you look like really I imagined the words of encouragement and thought about my journey thus far with you all giving courage.

Thank you

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'm so glad your talk went so well.
(It's awful that such things are needed at all, but know that you are a blessing to those who are suffering.)

About the night terrors and sleep-walking, I don't know anything and haven't suffered from them, but a couple things come to mind;

1. There's something called Dream Rehearsal therapy, where the point is to try to steer the dreams in a more positive way....

2. Self-hypnosis (auto-suggestion) before going to sleep might help?

3. If you can take control and somehow cajole or rebuke your subconscious ala Oak's suggestion ("I'm not a victim here...." and "C'mon, I know you're trying to help....work with me a little bit, please"....)

4. And fear of going to sleep is a learned response (quite understandable though), that needs to be unlearned....

Also, you have my absolute permission to deep-six any and all of the above.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you SD. Great advice.

I dug deep and got the courage to do the tests I’ve been putting off for my bowel. I did them and thought all was fine.
Samples were sent, then get to work this morning and phone went nuts. I’ve not been told much as I’m in clinic today and will catch the surgeon later but I’m going back on the table. I thought I was in remission but clearly not. They don’t cut people open for no reason.

The last several appointments with my therapist have been also focusing on my fear of going back on the table. He bargained with me to have the tests done as I have been hiding from them for over two years. Refusing treatment as I just don’t have the energy to keep being taken to bits.

I’m booked for theatre on 25th August. I’m worried as you can understand as the waiting list for surgery here is enormous and when you have a very short window like this then it only means one thing. Concerns.

I still can’t get on the gynaecology table as I fear that more than my cellar where I store all my crap!
The thought of someone especially my boss finding I have problems in my ladies lounge quite simply terrifies me.
I had not told my boss I had a partial chestical removal for stage one tumour she flipped her biscuit at me as most breast cancer patients get ovarian within 10 years if left and have BRACA gene.
I’m not even worried about my chesticals as they can be removed anytime and much easier than tearing out the cellar and messing with my lady garden.

Bloody hell! Back to therapy I go. F*%!

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing. I'm glad you did.

And well done for completing and submitting the tests. That is a big accomplishment.

Especially since you know the stakes.

Each fear you listed is wholly reasonable. Though I don't like the word, each anxiety is sane.

You are directly facing several difficult realities. This takes enormous courage.

You also have several strong sources of support: your therapist, your family, your colleagues, your former patients who attended your presentation, and us here. Most importantly, you are supporting yourself. While all of the above are happy to encourage you, ultimately you were the one who effected these difficult actions.

Going forward, please continue to use your words, just as you have been, with us, your family, and your therapist. Keep us posted!

[manuel_moe_g]

Away from my computer, will write longer response later. Please take care, Mental Fairy, we wish all blessings to you.

[Mental Fairy]

Sitting in lab having blood drawn. I feel guilt.
I’ve got patients on waiting list for month’s waiting for surgery and here I am on the table in three weeks.

[oak]

I hope the blood test goes well, Mental Fairy!

Well done for getting it done. Keep us posted.