Mind Body and Trauma

[snoringdog]

"Put your oxygen mask on first, then help others"

[manuel_moe_g]

Sitting in lab having blood drawn. I feel guilt.
I’ve got patients on waiting list for month’s waiting for surgery and here I am on the table in three weeks.

You are a good person, Mental Fairy. So so so wishing this all goes well for you.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team
Had a big reflection day today. Spoke to my husband as I needed to know what he has noticed about me since I went from dental to medical. Then dental to mental!

He has noted since I have been chatting with my team on here he’s noticed I’ve been coping better that I used too in the past. It’s helped with therapist also. Going from working 74+ hours a week to much less with more control on my days my moods have been better. Gone from 50+ levels of anger and frustration to a couple of moods that I cope better with all of your support and help.

When I was born I wasn’t named for four weeks, finally my father named me Gia, apparently wanted to call me something with meaning. I have absolutely no idea the meaning behind Gia. I think I’ve been very unlucky and lucky all at the same time thus far in life. I look at the next generation of young ones coming through and wonder what will become of the next generation. I can only hope my son learns from his mums life experiences and acts with only kindness and compassion.
I worry about complete strangers such as the people reading this and only hope I can help you all in some way shape or form before I leave this planet.

Let it be known your all thought of.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

[".....I’ve been coping better that I used to in the past. It’s helped with therapist also....."]

Yes, when you first started posting, I was really worried about your frame of mind. But you do seem much better lately. As far as the board goes, it’s awesome and humbling to see that a few short responses tapped out by strangers can help someone on their way…

["When I was born I wasn’t named for four weeks, finally my father named me Gia, apparently wanted to call me something with meaning. I have absolutely no idea the meaning behind Gia."]

I looked up Gia, and found the following;
"Gia is a short form of Gianna, which in turn is a diminutive of Giovanna, the feminine form of Giovanni, the Italian equivalent of John—all of them meaning "God's gracious gift”.

But my first association was with “Gaia”, like the Earth Goddess-

1. The Earth personified as a goddess, daughter of Chaos. She was the mother and wife of Uranus (Heaven); their offspring included the Titans and the Cyclopes. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaia

2. The earth viewed as a vast self-regulating organism. (Gaia hypothesis). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaia_hypothesis

The Gaia hypothesis deals with the concept of biological homeostasis, and claims the resident life forms of a host planet coupled with their environment have acted and act like a single, self-regulating system.


["I can only hope my son learns from his mums life experiences and acts with only kindness and compassion.']

From what I've gathered about you from your presence here, he's well on his way..

["I worry about complete strangers such as the people reading this and only hope I can help you all in some way shape or form before I leave this planet."]

A beautiful sentiment. You are a beautiful person.
(And maybe we *should* nickname you "Gaia" in light of this....)

["Let it be known you're all thought of."]

Noted. Thank you.

[oak]

Well said, as always, Snoring Dog.

I am glad you are doing better, Mental Fairy, since you joined us. It is great to have you, and you have made my life materially better, with the following as one example: I enjoy the 30-day yoga series. (And though I shouldn't be motivated by her beauty, sometimes it is okay to do the right thing for the "wrong" reasons!)

I'm also very encouraged by the next generation, with one example off the top of my head: we all know the sorry, tragic, and violent history in the 80s and 90s for LGBT people. I told that now many young people are open to questioning and trying new identities. Mine is the generation of "Boys Don't Cry", so I'm pleased that the next generation has come so far in accepting one another.

Lastly, if you'll indulge me with an attempt at a homemade pizza analogy, roping in our friend Manuel Moe, with his kind indulgence, also:

Like the wheat, I am crushed by grief, loneliness, and working poverty.
Like the olive, you are pressed by crushing oncological difficulties daily, both personally and professionally.
Like the tomato, our friend Manuel Moe knows the pain of the slicing cuts of observing his dearly loved one suffer unnecessarily.

No wheat wants to get crushed, any more than an olive wants to be pressed or a tomato sliced. Yet that's what happened.

Then we get thrown into the metaphorical oven of life, by means of an internet forum. The heat (suffering) rises, the disparate constituent parts are joined, and something transformed comes out.

Like the homemade pizza, we are all broken down individually, come together in the searing heat of sorrow and grief, and work in concert to create something that sustains us.

[Mental Fairy]

I do love the pizza thoughts.

The might sound odd but I cut into a tomato the other day and was taking my time. Slowly slicing and took in the absolute beauty of the tomato. How well defined the inside flesh was. Something so simple beautiful and delicate is so incredibly beautiful. Same with my limes.
Daily now I go out and feed the birds with my new SD bird feeder! I like to call it my super delight meal maker for my feather friends.
My husband now has got in on it and the birds coming to us are just as beautiful as the tomato!

Hold that thought! I got a photo for SD to admire!

Thank you also for looking up Gia. I’ve never really looked at I’m the only Gia in our city!

Hope your doing better Oak. Thank you SD, your a treasure as always.

[Mental Fairy]

Hope this works. It’s our native Kereru. They get drunk on berries and fall out of the trees!

[snoringdog]

Beautiful. Thanks!

Just found a page on New Zealand birds from a local -
https://www.nznatureguy.com/2019/01/24/kereru-facts-new-zealands-native-pigeon/

What you're experiencing, Mental Fairy (Gia!) is mindfulness, right?
Just a few seconds to switch off the whirling brain and appreciate what's right in front of us
Simple, and vital, but often so difficult...


(And Oak, I have to say, You are a Poet )

[Mental Fairy]

Morning team mental!

The bird above sounds so aggressive when it flies. Our cat runs for cover as they are simply the drunks of the flying world! It's like my uncle but with feathers!!!

Mindfulness is so interesting. It can be experienced in so many ways. Take the bird from above for example. The feathers of our pigeon above are so beautiful with color. So incredible and would be so hard to replicate on canvas, yet nature has done such a beautiful job of it that its almost a moment of feeling in ore of how this simple feather can be so complex and faultless.

The other thing i have noticed is prior to the therapy sessions i tend to scramble around my brain and locate all the new learnings since my last session.

What i have noted thus far as it has been a month since i saw him in person is, i'm rewriting my future, my past and my present.
My dreams are filled with meaning, more so now than ever.
I get speed wobbles when i just walk out of a session.
As i get closer to my next lesson i feel like the trainer wheels i walked out with have turned square! Become overwhelmed with the changes that i've noted and almost voluntarily throw myself back into old habits as i feel comfortable there. Slowly my wheels become round again.

My husband has mentioned this weekend i wake him after unknowingly with yelling out, crying and thrashing in my sleep. I'm totally unaware and wake feeling so tired. This only happens when i feel overwhelmed. My dream state feels as exhausting as my woken state.

Events take part in our day to day lives and we have to decide what we do with our feelings. We have to plan the next move, the next thoughts and the next chapter we wish to write. Sadly i have chosen some bad paths, some incorrect words and unhelpful thoughts.

In this present moment i am sitting at my desk planning what jobs i need to do for the day before we see our next lot of patients on Wednesday. Being aware of my duties, my challengers and my faults. To work around what makes me feel uncomfortable and tired. To be kind to myself. To allow the thoughts and let them pass by as Beany Boo has instructed. To accept i can't heal the world but can make a small difference in the time i am here. To allow others stories to open up a world of knowledge i wish to hear. To learn for others, to accept others and to see them as equal.

Have a good day where ever you are in the world.
Gia!

[Mental Fairy]

Back to therapy this morning. Don’t wish to go to work but have too clear messages and set up for three days of clinic work. Went and brought so much bamboo plants yesterday so we can grow a screen to block out the neighbours more! Part of me wishes I could grow massive amounts of it to block out external life beyond all four sides, but that’s not healthy!

When I went and brought the plants I loaded up my car front and back and boot with bamboo. At the time I wished so much I had a panda costume while driving home. There’s that inner child again SD!

Alas, off to therapy. Sigh.