A Wednesday bookend: anxiety and stuff to do.

[oak]

Hi friends.

I have some things to accomplish today, Wednesday, that would decrease my anxiety and give me continued hope to courageously face a lonely life.

With your kind indulgence, I'd like to bookend the following, with estimated completion time (best sceneario):

Bookend 1 of 2

Tacos (2 pm): I am HALT, and I am making homemade tacos. The rice is almost done. Yum!
Complete meal prep for week (3 pm).
Update fitness app with yesterday's data (4 pm).
Review dietician's recommendations for next meeting, two weeks from now (5:30 pm).
Focus group for obesity research study I'm in (7-8 pm).
Pack gym clothes and food for work tomorrow (8:15 pm).
Quick declutter and semi-quick vacuum (8:30).
Journal recent events, both good and bad (8:45 pm).
Whatever's done is all that will be done. Post part 2 of 2 here (8:59 pm).
Shutting my brain off (9:00 sharp).

Right now my anxiety is a 7.

Posting all this gives me some structure, and gets me out of my own mind.

Update at 9 sharp!

[oak]

Bookend 1 of 2, with updates in bold and italics.

Tacos (2 pm): I am HALT, and I am making homemade tacos. The rice is almost done. Yum!

They were delicious.

In addition to chronic problems (working poverty, loneliness, sleep apnea), I estimate that 90% of my acute mental health is a function of: not being hungry, proper hydration, air conditioning, showering/shaving/clean clothes, and (prescribed) Buspar.

Complete meal prep for week (3 pm).

This went fine.

Update fitness app with yesterday's data (4 pm).

This went fine.

Review dietician's recommendations for next meeting, two weeks from now (5:30 pm).

I did this half-heartedly, even though it is objectively clearly the most important thing I'll do this summer. Sigh.

Focus group for obesity research study I'm in (7-8 pm).

This went great! I could already feel an affinity for the men (it is focused on men): it helps to know that I am not alone. We are motivated men. Obese, but motivated.

Pack gym clothes and food for work tomorrow (8:15 pm).

This is done, half-heartedly, but at least I got something done.

Quick declutter and semi-quick vacuum (8:30).

This went well. I also did a preliminary scrub of the shower mildew.

Journal recent events, both good and bad (8:45 pm).

This did not happen, though it is clearly the second-most important thing I could do today.

Whatever's done is all that will be done. Post part 2 of 2 here (8:59 pm).

Basically!

Shutting my brain off (9:00 sharp).

Yes, thank heaven.

Thanks for listening, friends!

Mental health is a day by day thing. Sometimes minute by minute.

[Mental Fairy]

Oak I adore this posting. So honest, so real and so encouraging to know your getting your foot forward and acknowledging your own achievements.
Admire that

[oak]

So honest, so real…

Thank you, MentalFairy!

And “honest” is the word, the key: just admitting something happened is something that a lot of people (example: my mother) will never do.

I am charmed that the first two words of AA’s (which was founded in my adoptive* hometown!) first step are “we admitted”. Healing starts when we say “Hey… something is not right here!”. Until you can admit that, it will just be the same old.


* I say “adoptive” because since I got estranged from my family of origin, why not also throw out what was also not working, and select a hometown of my own choosing?

Edit to add: Dr. Bob was such a great man.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

Mental health is a day-by-day thing. Sometimes minute by minute.

Agreed! One day to the next...

One day feeling pretty good, the next day I'm asking myself "What the hell? Where did this come from?"

Fighting anxiety, negativity and some obsessive thinking today...

7 minutes of pedaling helped this morning, but I've let myself lapse a bit on exercise and a simple self-care routine first thing.

It matters.