Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM

[Beany Boo]

… all different ways to tell myself, ‘I feel vulnerable.’

I would add, ‘…when it seems not safe to do so.’

[Beany Boo]

Deep sleep last night; possibly eight and a half or even nine hours. The thing is it is probably the culmination of the many nights of my body getting used to the predictable sleep cycle. It’s become less difficult in the last week to keep the strict bedtime every single night. I’ve become actually sleepy in the lead up to bedtime for the first time in forever. It took three weeks to a month to get my body used to that routine enough for deep sleep to finally kick in.

All the feelings about threat to life, work and future are still present every day. But getting to sleep on time now habitually takes priority over everything else. In other words, being able to switch it all off is golden.

[Beany Boo]

Now that I have eliminated the effects of sleep deprivation I can see something else more clear.

What I thought was neurological may simply be introversion. I feel rage inexplicably in certain situations and now that I am ‘awake’ I see the situations as my boundaries being pushed; forced to be less introverted than I am comfortable with.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Beany

Can I have an example?

[Beany Boo]

Hi MF

Um…

When a person doesn’t say my name before they interrupt my concentration then continue talking long after I can pay attention for. So, continue without turn taking.

[Beany Boo]

Today I was persistent.

It was the first time.

[snoringdog]

Congratulations!

I probably felt good, especially if there was a positive payoff.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks SD

[Beany Boo]

I negotiated with someone today and it worked. It was low stakes. I got something I would have wanted though and the world slowed down.

I’m learning to ask people questions in the flow of conversation. It seems to be lowering my anxiety level. They give me information I don’t expect. It changes the narrative.