Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD
I have Joe and Matt. Everyone else is contactable via a physic!
I’m ok honestly it’s just been incredibly hard to accept things currently. I’m so grateful for you all. My therapist is texting and calling everyday.
I’m going to see him next week. He honestly is amazing.
For me currently it’s accepting things as they are. Seen some beautiful moments today with a couple whom are pregnant with twins. The love in their eyes is amazing. Their simple presence was energising.
I feel deflated with no one left alive. Just uncle who’s a drunk! He is a lovley drunk but I don’t tolerate it so he knows! My one brother whom is much the same as me. His daughter turns 13 tomorrow also. It’s like a weird curse in our family. For every birth is a death. Not one of us has a birthday that a family member didn’t die on. It’s apparent to me know that Matt’s 18 tomorrow just how much it hurts.

I look back and see now why I tried to hide and numb this pain. This is the first year I’ve got help for it and you guys have been part of that equation. I’m grateful. All I’m your own little ways you play a part on my world

Sitting at my desk today and thinking how no one wants to hear my woes. The energy to talk about is low. I think because no one understands but the people whom know those feelings. It’s a feeling you can’t shake without hurting someone or yourself. So I say nothing. Joe is aware and i am going to take him up the mountain this weekend I hope if weather holds.

Sorry guys, this is just a low and I’m so confused with all the feelings.

[snoringdog]

No need to apologize.
We're here to give whatever support, humor and distraction that we can.

BTW - (tongue in cheek) - Ever heard the one, goes something like -
"Never tell your troubles to others...Half of them don't care, and the other half are glad you have them"

Hope the mountains are beautiful and relaxing for you!

SD

[oak]

This is the first year I’ve got help for it and you guys have been part of that equation. I’m grateful.

Yay!

Sitting at my desk today and thinking how no one wants to hear my woes.

Please, feel free to share as much or as little as you'd like.

That said, sometimes one runs out of spoons, and sharing is too much to handle.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

[Mental Fairy]

You guys are fantastic! Spoon theory, never heard of it until now. Thanks Oak.

Feeling a bit better the day has passed. My brother messaged checking we still alive as great fears on birthdays!
Took our son out for a meal last night, was nice. My husband is on Saxenda medication so is not able to eat a full meal, it’s so weird to see! Weight is coming off and his walking and biking increased. He said himself he feels completely different. In a good way.
My sleep is shocking last two nights, first night i dreamt I was on a massive boat and it doubled as a back packers accomodation for our forum people here. I looked out the window and saw all the water rushing in and everything was tilting. I forced myself to wake up as I didn’t want to feel the drowning part. Last night I drained the lake the boat was in and salvaged it and tried to do it up to sell!!! Wtf!!!!!

Rain is back so mountain tomorrow we hope. Cross fingers. Oak, another weekend my friend, hit it out of the ball park brother!!

[oak]

... first night i dreamt I was on a massive boat and it doubled as a back packers accomodation for our forum people here.

Thank you for sharing, Mental Fairy! A profound dream.

Water and "the depths" are deeply meaningful in dreams.

I hope you're doing well this weekend. Please do keep us posted.

And thank you for the encouragement, especially since my Saturday started Friday night. I'll post about it, but in the meantime, I hope the mountain trip is restorative.

[Mental Fairy]

Was a long slog to cabin but worth it

[Mental Fairy]

Hi all.
Wondering how everyone is. SD i’m still really curious about what brought you here when you joined? Same for everyone else. Im just interested in what prompted the join here button for you all like me!

Alas, i’m still on the uphill battle a little. Hospital rung me today to confirm the prep for my bowel surgery on 13th. Not sure if any of you have had to do the drink prep but let’s just say it will be a very long night on the 12th! Normally just make a bed in the bathroom!

Son is now 18, I’m 100% sure he has a girlfriend or something but he’s not telling us! We are awaiting the reveal!

Joe and I went bush. Hike was good. Joe almost vomited! But he survived! He’s never been to a hut on mountain before so I felt like a guide. I did feel he was on my old turf. Super proud of him for making it around the loop we did. Was 57km winds in exposed areas and he really was questioning why I love it so much. Think he still is!

How am I feeling….. flat, unsure and uncomfortable with myself. I need to see therapist I feel and hiding isn’t helping. These last few days have been so dam hard since that patient incident at work. Sleep is so hard. Oak I know I don’t have the same issue you do but lack of sleep is so hard. Messes with your head.
Beany is making me jealous! He needs to start his own you tube on how to sleep!

Came back from mountain with a blister the size of Canada on my heal. Nursing that. Mazie moo moo Allie rowe the second is doing amazing.
It’s snowing today and cold. Loving that part!

Better get a wiggle on as I have butter chicken wraps to make with salad so I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you all and SD we are getting a new bird house this weekend. Next trick is to work out how to get tenants! Water bath and more feeders! Bring on summer!

Lots of mental hugs to all you beautiful people.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, hello! I'm glad you posted.

I hope your surgery prep goes well, and that you keep us posted as much as you feel like, and feel comfortable, sharing.

I am also glad you and your husband enjoyed the mountain so! It is a beautiful area. Rugged, but beautiful.

I find it interesting, my friend, that both of us had small skin troubles (blister, skin tag) that caused us to curtail further weekend walking.

How I came to the forum: I was barely employable, newly sober (4 years), and had spent the previous six years healing: I spent most of my time in libraries, parks, and cemeteries. I read "fairy tales" (wisdom tradition, really) as if my life depended on it, which it did. Thinking about that time in my life is difficult, so for now, suffice to say that I am grateful I found this forum in early 2013.

And yes, I wish we could all sleep soundly. I've woken up refreshed twice in the last two years, and is one of those crushing moments where I realize: "Oh, this is how people live every day, what I am missing."

[snoringdog]

Hello MentalFairy,

Since you asked what brought me to MIHH, I'll just post here.

It was earIy in 2019, and I was feeling quite overwhelmed and stressed at work, and unhappy at home.

At work, my job / department seemed basically secure, but other departments were being reduced and/or closed. (And the company depends on sales, so there's always a "what have you done for me lately" vibe.)

In the midst of this, management put a "Space for Rent" sign on the side of the building without even the courtesy of a heads-up for us. And then, there was a stupid scramble to try to quickly draft plans to subdivide the space when they got a potential tenant.

Lots of uncertainty and news-by-rumor. I felt totally dissed and was quite angry about the mismanagement.

So, what to do? I was feeling squeezed. Quit? Look for another job? Dive in and help with the bullshit? What...? (The plan later fell through. Everyone was quite jerked around by all this).

The What-To-Do? brought up my ongoing feelings of shame about some of my life choices (joining a Christian group instead of going on to college right out of high school) and later school choices (not pursuing a 4-year degree afterwards, for a number of reasons). I was feeling a bit trapped with few options.

I've had periodic & lifelong bouts of depression, anxiety, and obsessive rumination. Painfully aware of how ugly and unjust the world can be, and very often is. (Though I've not had any catastrophes happen to me, I'm waiting for the ax to fall.)

So, not sure how I found MIHH, but found it along with The Hilarious World of Depression at the time I started to see a psychiatrist for a while, to unload a lot of the built-up pressure in my festering brain .

So, that's it in a nutshell.

You can ask me anything.

SD

[rivergirl]

I'm glad to hear that you and your husband were able to complete your hike, Mental Fairy, and I wish a very happy birthday to your son.

You have so much to carry with your family history, health issues, work trauma, and more. I'm in awe of your ability to make it day to day, let alone to continue to provide compassionate service to others, be a loving wife and mom, even care for the birds & other critters, etc.

I like the image of mental hugs, so am sending a few of my own to you & to all!