Mindfulness

[snoringdog]

Yes, I have trouble negotiating, or thinking about it first thing.

I can and do certainly do it, but my first reaction to a request is to sort of freeze up a bit and assume that it needs to be done as-is and soon.

I'm sure it relates to my anxiety and not wanting to be a disappointment...

[Beany Boo]

Thank you SD

[Beany Boo]

Interrupted sleep last night; once a week like clockwork. I did have a shock yesterday at work. It’s also the day I have a Pilates class in the evening. I may have over-worked and then overdone it at Pilates.

That said, I intuitively resisted letting it erode my confidence. That’s new.

[Beany Boo]

I’ve been practicing this…

Whenever I get anxious I overlay it with a light feeling of excitement.

It does something interesting. I realize I am afraid of getting excited; that I am shamed for it at different points in my past; and have learnt to reflexively shut it down; that the anxiety is a warning sign for personal excitement that was punished.

As I become aware of this the excitement weirdly gets calm; a calm excitement; a paradox; a tension. There’s a slight tinge of vertigo; as I anticipate a roller coaster dip. Then I just feel a little excited about something.

If I let the excitement back in somewhat when anxiety flares then I pop off the ‘perseverating’ loop and open the chance to imagine something else coming to be.

[Beany Boo]

So things are kind of working in unexpected ways.

The basis is sleep. And the accumulated effect of having more nights of good sleep (where sleeping through, more or less for 7 - 7.5 hours is good), with the odd bad one; say once a week.

Then when anxiety starts to rise I habitually assume I am feeling excited. That’s not to deny that it’s anxiety. It’s assuming I am excited and there’s no need to hesitate about it; even when the object of excitement is often a mystery. It seems to counteract ruminating. Besides, not a lot of excitement is required. I also seem slightly less risk averse as a result.

The gentle excitement literally arouses my curiosity.

Finally, asking questions. Whenever someone starts to talk to me I anticipate that there will be questions I can ask. I stick to who, what, when, where, why, how questions; starting in with simple fact finding and then at a certain point going to subtly more sophisticated stuff like “how do you know that?”

There’s something about the surprising answers that people give that feeds my curiosity; that feeds me in a way I genuinely need. My anxiety I realize is over ‘if I risk my curiosity being aroused, will it actually be fed?’ It seems simple but at certain moments it’s a profound need, deeply fed.

“Everyone loves a good listener.”

But curiosity requires a little excitement. And excitement requires sufficient sleep.

I don’t know why. They’re just the results of this experiment.

[manuel_moe_g]

Good luck Mr. Boo!

If I may ask, how many hours of sleep were you averaging a night before this experiment?

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM,

How much? Somewhat less

[snoringdog]

Hello Beanie,

Interesting idea to "hijack" the anxiety feeling (which can tend negative) and steer it toward excitement (which tends positive). You're no longer a victim but taking control.

I've occasionally had anxiety so strong that my hands shake. It's horrible. Can't let it get to that point.

BTW - I thank you again for that 7-minute exercise app. I've fallen in and out of the daily habit.

The other day, some political story came up that I started to delve into. Then I said, "If I can spend 5 minutes reading about these ugly and childish politicians, I can certainly do 5 minutes on the bike, and 7 minutes of exercise". And it worked!

[Beany Boo]

Thank you SD and well done

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Beany

Prior to sleeping better and on your off days did you nap or fall asleep at odd times of the day?