Mind Body and Trauma

[manuel_moe_g]

Man, I am happy

What a gift to read your posts, Mental Fairy

All blessings

(And I wish I could write as well as our friend and brother Oak!)

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you guys. Oak, i will investigate this podcast you suggested thank you.
The sun is out here today and my pee is still blue, i hum the smurf soundtrack and i empty my bladder now!!! Not sure how long this will last but i wish it could glow in the dark.

My ducks were back last night, they are hand feeding with my son. I think my feathery love is rubbing off on the boys! Woke this morning to the quacks outside the door. I am thinking how cute it is, until i see their pooh!

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'm glad the surgery went well, and you seem to be in a pretty good mood, which is great!

I really am so glad i found you all here, even on down days i feel a quilt of comfort over my brain that reminds me you all have the same feelings. I look at people around me and wonder if they do, do they just hide it better than me, do they have help or in recovery, or have they found the amazing magic treatment where they live in bliss and happiness. Bastards if they have!

I often wonder the same. Why do people seem so happy and motivated? How can they sustain interest in things, or commit to a "life's work"? Can't they see how ugly things are in the world? What keeps them going?

And I do get uncomfortable when people start talking, as they usually do, about their children or their school affiliations and such.... I just smile and nod. (Conversing about just about anything else is usually engaging and enjoyable though).

In a previous post, you asked if any of us had PTSD, I think...
Not sure that I have, or did, but I *did* have religious-guilt and not-good-enough ground into me for a few years when I was in the Christian group. (The old saved-by-works or saved-by-grace theological argument).

I spent years off-and-on rehashing things, imagining confrontations to right things, and I do score higher on some of the later questions in the PCL-5 questionnaire.

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/assessment/documents/PCL5_Standard_form.PDF

It's a little presumptuous I guess, but episode 604 with Michael Brose resonated with me. He's a gentle soul who became a policeman probably because "it seemed like a good idea at the time".
He saw ugly things, experienced stresses, developed a negative world view, and fell to drinking to cope. His comments around 1:17 ~ 1:22 grabbed and resonated with me.

I've seen a few things... have read about and imagined many many more and have trouble keeping balance and distance sometimes...

So, there tis...

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD

Yes, that episode was also one that got to me. I recall listening to that one twice. I worked with an ex police officer and i have to say it has changed him in such negative ways.

Allow me to update!!! I got an email this morning from ancestry link.

Oak if you lived anywhere near me i would of jogged to your house this morning banged on your door holding gluten free cookies and asked you to put the kettle on asap. Omg i wish i could have you all around a table with good food.Anywho....

Got an email and it stated as follows; Hi Gia

I have had a contact email via ancestry from a Davia Burroughs who is alleging via DNA that he is related to us. ( this is from my uncle in Uk)

He is alleging that in 1970 his grandmother had a child with your grandfather (Grampy)That child was his mum.

Grampy would be his biological grandfather he said he never knew about.
Before i answer any further questions do you think there is any truth in this?

WTF! Really. Am currently imagining myself eating cookies at Oaks table here!

So question stands, who is this man? where is he located? My Grampy spent 6 months of every year in the UK. Other six months here i NZ. Yes, he was a flirt, he was a ladies man! He was so cute! But to have an affair, i'm not judging but i feel this could be possible. My mum knew many of the family secrets and took those with her. I did have a very close relationship with my Grampy and feel sick at the thought but things happen. I was too young to know, i am also not one to judge on mental health. In 1970 Grampy was in the UK, he also was in a state of worry and problems as my mum was pregnant with my oldest brother and ran away to UK to give him up for adoption. My uncle arranged for her to come back and have him here and keep him, bugger it.

So Oak, family ancestry truma my friend. This is the real deal. A story in the making. Joe has text me just now to say my Uncle is very upset with this as this means there is a brother out there for him if this is true. We all summitted DNA years ago as my father was an incredible sperm factory and there is little mini me's everywhere in the county no doubt.
I think we need to upgrade the cookies for popcorn now!

Last night i took my son to a dermatologist, he has dermatitis. It's like putting out a bush fire on his arms at the moment.
I told him he got it from touching members of the opposite sex, in hope he will not get a partner anytime soon. (bad mum)
While Joe and i had him in the car and he couldn't go anywhere but fall out of a moving vehicle we had a chat about protection and upcoming summer season. If the sun is out then hormones are about!

I said if he meets a girl and she says she has cover in the form of contraception or a Mirena IUCD then still use protection regardless. He asked what a Mirena was so i informed him in detail as we fit these at work everyday. When i said that they are a device that is inserted into the cervix and releases slow release progesterone he immediately said.....'a device that connects to bluetooth?' I don't think i have laughed so much in my life. The mind of a teenager is interesting. You use the word device and immediately they think digital.
My response was if you are with a girl in an intimate setting and you hear the words bluetooth pairing or pairing unsuccessful or even beeping please get up and leave asap.

Alas that is my day thus far!!! Back to my work and do some paperwork. Bring on Saturday.

Thank everyone!

The plot thickens

[oak]

Oak if you lived anywhere near me i would of jogged to your house this morning banged on your door holding gluten free cookies and asked you to put the kettle on asap. Omg i wish i could have you all around a table with good food.

That would be delightful, Mental Fairy. Heaven, which I claim not to believe in, would be better if we can all catch up after this life.

Before i answer any further questions do you think there is any truth in this?

Frankly, yes, it is possible*.

But does that mean you owe them anything, including a response?

That is a firm, unequivocal "no".

I mean if you want to contact them, then yeah, go for it!

But remember: "If you have a doubt, you have no doubt". And it sounds like you have a doubt or two. (Probably for good reason, my friend.)

In fact, I'd go further: you don't owe them any explanation for your "No" (if you go that route).

And a "No" in September doesn't mean a "No" forever. You have some pretty serious stuff to handle here in 2022; is a surprise family something you can also take on? If yes, yay! If not, you have plenty on your plate already.

* Btw, when I wrote "it is possible above", that doesn't mean the situation is proven. You can weigh the evidence as you see fit.

My mum knew many of the family secrets and took those with her.

"Family secrets" and "passing down unprocessed generational trauma": name a more iconic duo, as the kids say.

... my father was an incredible sperm factory and there is little mini me's everywhere in the county no doubt.

Maybe some of them are in America. In which case maybe you can get American citizenship.

Actually, y'all should consider America anyway: both of your professions are in demand. Truck drivers are in great demand, and if you have a college, or especially graduate, degree then many doors would be open to you. And, just using my area as an example, we have some of the finest oncologists in the world right in our backyard. Something to consider!

In conclusion, Mental Fairy, whatever you choose regarding this "family surprise/secret", I definitely encourage you to give it some time before responding.

And if your uncle is already mad, then anything you do will only make someone mad, so why bother? Sadly, we both have families of origin where you and I are always wrong. Not a worthwhile game to play, my friend.

[Mental Fairy]

And that my friends is why we should live next door to each other! Oak, we are on the same page. My uncle is going to take control and I have an open ear if it is true. Must be hard for the person also if it is true. Shoe on other foot, I would want to be heard if it was true. Or at least acknowledging them.

Is everyone going into autumn? Getting warmer here by the day. Snow melting and ducks are hungry. Starting to make them a salad mix.

Back soon my friends. Thank you Oak.
Big hola to Duck1 also. Thinking of you.

[Mental Fairy]

Saturday is here. 11:38am currently. Woke at 3:30am with a feeling of unease. Immediately wanted to get moving, put on my running kit after a body scan to make sure bowel feeling ok. Set my timer for only 45min easy jog. No hills. Was slow and gentle. On the run I noted something, the mind.
When I feel no control over a situation, such as life stuff I immediately clean things. My brain said to clean the kitchen top to bottom. Move things around and sort the cupboard with all the Tupperware containers that I can never find a lid for. Clean the pantry, wash out the fridge and remove all containers of sauces never to be used again. They seem to hide at the back like some naughty secret.
As soon as I got home downed coffee and began the surge of cleaning to gain control.
Everything is now done and kitchen is spotless. Cupboards cleaned out and ingredients all ready for week ahead. Meal plans made.
I baked a quiche with roasted pumpkin, spinach, garlic, smoked salmon and cheesy eggy sauce. Made stuffed chicken breasts for dinner wrapped in bacon.
Finally allowed myself to stop and rest with my cooking books, cat and cat tv playing in background to keep Mazie entertained and away from my legs she forever rubs up against like some pole dancer.
Joe keeps asking me to go out and just chill, the thought of going out is to hard to deal with. I think I am seeing a pattern forming!
With a book I’m reading at my side I think I will stop. Breath and try rest a little.

Hope you all are doing ok. Almost lunch and I’m ready for bed!

Mental hugs

[oak]

Made stuffed chicken breasts for dinner wrapped in bacon.

Yum! It sounds good. I hope you all enjoyed it. It is well-deserved. I'm very pleased to hear your appetite is strong, post-surgery.

Keep us posted!

[snoringdog]

Joe keeps asking me to go out and just chill,

Go on... go for a nice walk together.
You are lucky to have him.

[Mental Fairy]

Joe spent the avo with my uncle to settle his nerves and to keep him sober as possible. I almost finished a book and have seen black clouds rolling in! Bloody rain!