Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Hi MF

No, no naps just fatigued during the day.

[Beany Boo]

I accidentally left my phone at work. I went a whole evening without it. It was relative bliss. Because it was out of my control I somehow managed to skip worrying about it.

My sleep was interrupted but I suspect due to a ridiculously busy day; hence the forgotten phone.

My brain is thanking me this morning.

[Beany Boo]

My sleep and excitement regimen couldn’t have been more timely. I’ve been given too much responsibility at work while my job is under threat. Possibly I also need to move residence in a market they may not allow me to. On top of that I have a house inspection coming and have to clean on a weekend when I desperately need rest. So arbitrary job and home loss under unprecedented pressure comes around again.

I don’t necessarily feel hopeless. I don’t feel responsible or like anyone else is to blame. All I can do is double down on my new regimen.

Not problems for you all to solve please. Just listening is more than enough.

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, Beany. So glad to read that you have a plan and have an attitude of mental preparation.

[Mental Fairy]

Beany, trust in your plan and forge ahead. Much like Manuel Moe is.
Thinking of you

[Beany Boo]

Thank you both

[Beany Boo]

Spelling out my fear helped. Because it’s all future, I can’t tell how real it is. It could just be my old blueprint rising up when my stress is higher than I am used to like it is now.

Good things are happening too. Maybe that’s what is stressing me. I’m so accustomed to things going badly. Psychologically, after this life, filtering in good outcomes turns out to feel kind of painful.

If it weren’t me, I’d feel sad for this person

[manuel_moe_g]

I know what you mean. I always have the feeling that swift harsh punishment is coming when I feel good about something in my life. Better not to risk it, says my mind.

Very difficult to celebrate my own successes, practically impossible

Take care, Beany. You are the resident Zen Master here, you deserve the very best things, we feel it strongly

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM

[Beany Boo]

I think the fear is I have a chance to do some good. But I fear I won’t be able to put it into practice. The next adverse event will roll around. I’ll be halfway through unfurling the good. Then whoosh, I’ll be back at the next beginning; again.

That said, and the number of times that has happened, there is another fear. I’ll find a way to fully unfurl the good and see others’ faces benefit. When it happens, who is this guy going to be after that?