Mind Body and Trauma

[Beany Boo]

These came to me of late and have been helpful sometimes. They popped into my head reading your post;

1. There’s nothing that says you have to be perfectly calm, ever.

And,

2. Take your time, a lot, if not every single time, and respond SUPER gently (repeatedly, if not relentlessly) to agitation (your’s and others’). The result can have powerful effects.

They don’t really have a ring to them I know and may not mean much out of context but they’re working for me

[rivergirl]

Hi Mental Fairy,

I'm sorry I was unable to post earlier in week but I'm so relieved/happy that you made it through your procedure okay. I've been following your posts and am glad to see you getting back to some of your normal activities.

It's understandable that you would be feeling a lot of anxiety and nervous energy. I think I understand what Beany means when he says you don't have to be calm. Sometimes expecting yourself to feel a certain way adds more distress. Whatever you feel is okay.

I'm glad you have your husband's support. I'm sorry that we can't all gather for a cup of tea. You do have our virtual support and I hope that is somewhat comforting.

rg

[Mental Fairy]

Hey mental marvels of beauty.

Well this weekend us slid by quietly. I managed to not commit to anything and focused on finishing a book, cooking up a storm for the week ahead and feeding the ducks twice a day with a vegetable mix and seeds in morning and peas oats and duck feed in the evening. I made a little pool for them out of a washing basket and a drinking space beside the food out of Joes lunchbox. Will upgrade once Joe notices.

I really appreciate your support and kind works Beany, rivergirl, Oak, SD and MMoe!

This week has drawn to close and I feel like I’ve rested. Been anxious all week and trying to not think about upcoming results. I feel confident however.
Locked in a marathon for the week before Xmas. Got the planning sorted.

Tonight on our TV we have a program called Sunday. It’s a current affairs type show. Tonight it is on Dioxin. Or better known as 245T. It’s the chemical that has killed a lot of people with cancer in our region due to contamination in our soil. Also the cause of our family passing and myself and Keely being born deformed in our organs. Would be cool if I could somehow get it cast over to you all to see. Once it airs I’m sure we can find a way. Would be nice to hear your thoughts if your saw it. There is a museum in Vietnam dedicated to it also. The product was made her and sent to Vietnam during the war.

Rivergirl that car ride you took would of helped you, even if you don’t think so right now. Would love to hear some more about you in time when your ready. No shame hun, please no shame. We all carry it but here we can just leave it at the door.

My uncle came over this avo for his 3pm Sunday catch up, we never spoke of this situation of ancestry DNA. I can’t really talk to him about it as the thought of it being true makes me feel sick to the core.

Better get moving as Matt will be home from work soon and the show is about to start.

Thinking of you all. Beany your work sounds stressful currently, sending you calming vibes my friend.

Oak, recipes coming your way. I have a couple of favourites to type up.

Manuel Moe, thinking of your journey currently as I know it’s a hard one. Keep knocking on our digital doors my friend. Same for you rivergirl.

SD, was standing on the deck this evening and from a distance saw the two ducks coming from over the paddocks. They did four loops of the house making as much noise as possible and came into land! I smiled the biggest smile and Joe said he hadn’t seen me smile that that in ages. I thank you for that, why, because you have helped me see the beauty in the animals I have been blind too. Just your keen interest sparked me to think about the animals around me more. Even the birds that shit on my washing!

Mental hugs beautiful people.

P.s….is daily groceries and petrol as high over where everyone else is as it is here?

[oak]

Mental Fairy, so much to love in your post.

Three thoughts:

1. If you do a marathon in 2022, I'll do a 5K over Thanksgiving.

2. I'm reading the not-bad book "The Facemaker", and NZ native Harold Gillies appears to be quite the hero.

I read his Wikipedia page, and it appears he even worked on (what we call today) gender confirmation surgery, even in those benighted days. A forward thinking NZ medical professional, saving lives. Which leads me to...

Tonight on our TV we have a program called Sunday. It’s a current affairs type show. Tonight it is on Dioxin.

3. I wasn't able to find the episode you mentioned, but I did find a powerful episode on... colon cancer in New Zealand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ6yCg7ucHI

I have many thoughts, most serious, with a few lighthearted ones at the end.

1. Everyone looks very wholesome and vigorous.

2. If you can, please see if you can see Dr. Frickell! He appears to be a very accomplished proctological oncologist.

3. "Oh nooo!" I said to myself as the American ship slowly fell over.

4. Those boats are as much airplanes!

5. "Recognize the symptoms. Tell someone."

Word. QFT. So powerful.

6. There seems to be alot of recovery in New Zealand.

Uncomfortable observation: having read a few weeks ago (thanks to your recommendation, Mental Fairy) about the tragic rate of suicide in the alpine/rural areas of NZ, it appears to be a bifurcated nation: abuse and harm and secrets stuffed down in the highlands, and health, sport, vigor, communication, and science on the coasts.

A few more lighthearted observations:

1. While I know next to nothing about NZ, which is my loss, I do like the sense of humor, starting with the title of the segment. In America, founded by Puritans, we would have called it something anodyne like "One Man's Journey". The title perfectly sums up the segment, and is honest and perfectly clear.

Again, with the honesty: so many truths stuffed down in the highlands, leading to suicide, and a refreshing honesty on the coast. Honesty that leads to life, my friend.

2. There is no "r" in anesthesia.

3. The host oh my goodness sigh. She can use all the extraneous "r"s she wants, if we can get married yesterday. Please tell me that you know her personally and she wants to marry a balding, middle aged American man. Please please please.

Edit to add:

The way her hair shimmies, at twelve seconds in, when she says "the trouble is...":

https://gfycat.com/giantaridgypsymoth-craig-pelton-reaction-gif-community

[rivergirl]

Mental Fairy/Gia,

I'm glad you got some rest as well as preparing for the week ahead. I love your descriptions (of your ducks, your cooking, etc.) I feel like I'm right there with you at times.

I'm so sorry about the legacy of dioxin in your region and in your personal family history. I would be interested in watching the program if becomes available online or if you can share it. I have a relative who was exposed to Agent Orange while in the Air Force in Vietnam, and he's had related health issues.

I'm with you in spirit, waiting for your results and hoping for the best news. You continue to be in my thoughts often.

rg

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

The image of the ducks circling, and quacking made me laugh! A grand entrance! And they're advertising to their friends what a wonderful B&B they've found!

Watching birds (and by extension, other critters) has helped me greatly at times.
They're everywhere, and since watching requires stillness, patience and focus, i.e. mindfulness, it's a great antidote to the downward negative thought spirals that I'm prone to.

And with a small pair of binoculars, you're ready for anywhere in the world!
I encourage you to start a list!

Wishing you well.

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Morning Family

Awoken to rain but no wind. I managed to sneak in a tempo run this morning. Feel like i have my training wheels on! I did wake to Mazie licking my ears to wake me up for her morning treat before breakfast. She knows i keep them in the bedside drawer and often watch her eyes as i reach for it and pretend to get something else. She looks at me with such love and a deep purr that would release the air out of a fresh mix on concrete. She sits there vibrating with a purr it can be heard from outside the bedroom door! This morning she got two as i needed a quick run and she tends to cry when i leave the house to early.

No patients today, so paperwork to be done.

Oak, the book your speak of is an interesting one. World war one brought on such disfiguring injury that returning serviceman were kind of admired for great service if they lost a limb, however a facial disfigurement brought on such shame and ridicule. Reading the book was deeping interesting for me from a medical point of view, however i would like to know more about the patients as they went back to normal living. What was the outcomes over the lifespan, how were they treated?

Vietnam is a topic here of rawness, our troops were brought home at night time only, there was no welcoming party for them, they also never got any form of recognition for their service. It was very frowned upon. Sadly so many of them became a statistic to alcohol abuse, crime and mental health issues that span from small things to murder. Many committed suicide here. Our Maori battalion on just got awards last year for their effort.

I recall reading many books on this era and found it sad how many of the service mens family didn't know when they were coming home, suddenly a van would deliver them to the front door and nothing was ever spoken about. Such shame was brought on these men. There was no acknowledgement of this role they played. I do find the blindness to war is endless. Look at what is happening know over in the Ukraine. This is a repeat of madness on a scale yet to be known truly in time.

The Sunday programme you put a link too Oak is the same show from last night, that one you put up was aired last Sunday so you will be about to find the Dioxin one over the coming days. The gentleman whom does the interview is an old friend of our family.

As for your comments about NZ suicide rate it is deeply troubling to me how young some of the people are. A lot more teenages now also. I saw a young lad walk past our place yesterday and noted his posture. It screamed volumes, you could feel the heaviness in his walk. I wanted to hug home and ask if he was ok. However, i would be the nut job then!!! I just went back to talking to my ducks!

Rivergirl, may i ask what health issues this man had that you knew of that was in vietnam.

SD, i took the time this morning to make a dry area for the ducks out of the rain, refilled the laundry basic with water and topped up the food!

When Matt turned 18, one of the things i got him was a shower radio. Last night i put it on to 80's music and sung my heart out in the shower. shit it felt good! I've only listened to one song in many many months and it was the one Oak sent me the day i was waiting to go into therapy. I have saved that on my list. Joe got the giggles and said he had never seen me sing in the shower since 2007 when we moved to the south island city of Dunedin to study. I sung what's up pussycat three times over when it snowed for the first time that winter.

Best get back to my work and quickly post my receipe for you Oak.

Please do the 5km Oak.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Off topic from your last post (God - so much to think about and say about Viet Nam and that era)

Just keeping this on the same thread... Picked back up on the sleeping and dreaming books, and I'm wondering if you're sleeping better lately.... May I ask?

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Funny your should ask about sleep, for three nights post surgery I slept well. Didn’t take a stroll, no climbing into the neighbours house or talking to the bushes. However last night was odd. It was like a plane crash. All the cells on board my body went into a zzzzzz mode all at the same time as soon as the clock struck 6pm. I didn’t even get dinner into my tummy. I felt it coming on and quickly got into the shower, tried turning on our shower radio to wake up but failed. As my eyelids drew the curtains I quickly fell into bed and went out like a light. Woke at 3am, covered in sweat after a horrid nightmare and found Mazie Moo on my pillow chewing my hair to wake me up. I don’t recall any conversation with family, left dinner I had made on kitchen bench. It was weird.
I literally felt it coming on like a cellular wave of oncoming snores grunts and groans. It was like sleep tapped me on the head and said, piss off to bed I’m coming for you girly!
I was completely unable to stop it. The night terrors are still repaying in my head today.
Its so weird.

Sandman had me in his grip.

Your on my wavelength SD.

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, Mental Fairy

i wish i could take on some of the pain of my friends Oak & Mental Fairy

i am stuck on the opposite side of the internet wire

you both are in my thoughts

The night terrors are still repaying in my head today.

I wish I had some insight here, i don't

again, wish I could take on some of your pain