Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

I bit the bullet and went over to support. So so sad. May Rouge be at peace in kitty land.

[manuel_moe_g]

I don’t know if I believe in god, but this is the place where I say “God bless you for doing that for little kitty Rouge”.

Yes, let’s all direct our thoughts to Beany, who is suffering right now.

I wish I could be more of a help to you, Mental Fairy, but I just don’t experience PTSD in the same way as you. Mine is slowly bubbling way below the surface, subtly commanding me to shut down and break down. I am not aware of it’s work, I just mourn that I have such an empty life.

Please know there are witnesses to your pain, Mental Fairy

Take care!

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'm glad you went. Your friend needed you.

About insects & etc. I'm familiar and often think the same way
For me, it's two-fold I guess.

There's a natural order to things, why not try to maintain it.

There's so much ugliness and destruction in the world, why add to it unnecessarily?

Here's an essay you may find interesting, called "On Smushing"

http://timkreider.com/on-smushing/
https://archive.nytimes.com/opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/11/15/on-smushing-bugs/?_r=0

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you kindly

It was so hard, but held it together to support Lesley and Kenny through the end of Rouges life. She looked so at peace and so relaxed. She had kidney failure and my so glad I found the ability to walk across the street to them. I had to think and ask myself how I would feel in their situation and how that feeling and regret would feed the emotions afterwards in a negative way.
I’m can say I went, it was hard but I did it.

I don’t think I could of done it without being able to express the feelings on here. Sounds a bit woo woo I know.

[Mental Fairy]

Something interesting just happened.

I'm at work and this patient comes in, the face is familiar but the name wasn't to begin with. I soon click after she has gone into the scan room she was my old highschool bully.
The girl whom i feared, the girl i couldn't get away from. I am not sure she knows who i am.

I am privy to information and there is a trail of mental health problems with her over the years. I wish i knew back then what i know now. I would be been more understanding as to why she was so mean. She was struggling, she was suffering. She is still in the scan room and i feel a softness in me. If i was not privy to the information i would of considered her as still be mean, the girl that drove me down a dark inner path. The girl i hated to be around.

I wish i knew.

She was troubled back then and her way of control was being a bully. Still can't forgive the actions but can look past them a little more.

That was my observation of the day!

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing.

Yes, that is a profound meditation.

What do we owe our younger selves?

If your dysfunctional family was anything like mine, “forgiveness” was always a weapon used at me. (Like a posted a few days ago, being told to “be the bigger person” always meant me taking abuse.)

“Forgiveness”, which I hate to this day, absolves (or, “absolves”) our abusers of what they clearly did.

I would never presume to speak to your situation, but if I may, I’d like to take this opportunity to speak for myself:

All they had to say was nothing.

All they had to do was nothing.

Lots of people are abused, but not every abused person abuses other.

If they had so many problems, why did they choose to lash out and create more problems for others?

Please forgive my rant, our good friend Mental Fairy.

You raise some excellent questions.

Edit to add:

Here is what I do know: there is a hard line between them and now. Whatever hierarchies or habits we had are done. There is no more abuse. There is a firm line, and I’m drawing it.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you Oak.

Just seen the news on Florida hurricane. I am hoping none of your are effected?
My thoughts are with them all. Such a big hurricane.

[Mental Fairy]

Oak yes forgiveness was used as a weapon in my upbringing. What was frustrating was silence was also a weapon. I don’t deal with silence well when it came to family.

I deeply feel for my neighbour in her grief. I know we have had our differences but grief is universal. Tomorrow we are having a little neighbour get together and doing a support dinner for them. I’ve been asked to make my famous cheese rice dish and chicken! The rice alone is amazing and will help aid all grief!
At times like these we pull together regardless of how we feel.

I felt selfish come home to my Mazie.

We have the live feed going on Tv watching this storm in Florida. The changes in weather have been remarkable.

Hugs to all wherever you are.

P.s my old school bully left the clinic super fast when she came out from scan. I was lost for words. I could see in her eyes she was struggling. All I wanted to do was hug her. Silly ah!

[snoringdog]

P.s my old school bully left the clinic super-fast when she came out from scan. I was lost for words. I could see in her eyes she was struggling. All I wanted to do was hug her. Silly ah!

Sounds good on your part, you're able to let things go.

I'll bet she's embarrassed and ashamed, hence the rush...

[oak]

Agreed, as always, with our good friend SnoringDog.

You have shown real humanity, Mental Fairy. You demonstrate pathos.

Thank you for sharing.