Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Well, stuffed chicken breasts in the oven, cheesy rice on stove and cheesecake in fridge. Holding the wake for Rogue at my home to see how well I go with allowing people in. I know it’s a cat but I feel the same about my Mazie that they did about there Rouge.
Barriers to be broken today and I’m quickly panicking every now and then! Breath!
Plus it’s thunder and lightning!!!

[oak]

Thank you for sharing, MentalFairy.

What a week you’ve had!

Edit to add: I increasingly believe rice has healing qualities.

[Mental Fairy]

Mental Gia update!

Joes resigned from his job, he was treated badly and used for his skills in so many ways. Some nights leaving at midnight and back 18 hours later covered In stock feed, oil, and lord knows what else truck drivers roll in.
Lucky for Joe he has a smorgasbord of people wanting his skills so he starts new job later in the month. He will take a week off in between for some much needed rest. His boss immediately started negotiations and pleas for him to stay. He’s not interested, for over a year now he has working mental hours and asked for an assistant but nothing happens. He’s only one person running an entire port for the trucking industry of stock feed. He’s done.

I broke through a geek barrier yesterday, allow me to explain.

Something I have always enjoyed is Lego. I love construction of things with it, and the stress relief it gives. No one has known this apart from the boys. On Friday night when we had the wake for Rouge it came out that my neighbours friends were having a Lego building day on Saturday afternoon, it’s been terrible weather here so very much an inside day. My face lit up with joy at the thought. I had briefly meet these Lego people before at a BBQ a couple of years ago.
Anyway, Lesley my neighbour brought a Lego guitar and never got round to building it. So that’s were I come in.
Saturday I became so nervous as I agreed the night before to go to the home of one of these people. This is not me at all. I thought of SD as I recall him saying to just do it when Joe wanted a walk.
So I went.
I was making attempts of nervous talk with Lesley in the car on the way there. Tried to not think of going to a persons home at 42 years of age to build Lego!

We got to the home and went downstairs to this amazing den. There was a glass coffee table all lit up with Star Wars Lego under it. Walls of records and amazing Lego construction. The two other Lego builders were there getting into their builds, one being the back to the future car and the other a formula one car. I was shy and put my head down and started building. We had conversations along the way of our work, one an award winning architect and the other a computer programmer for a bank. The wife of one made a great lunch. I don’t normally eat around strangers so reframed from it. Lesley stayed with me and took pics of my build. Four hours went by in a flash. The guitar was completed but I still have amp to build.

The entire time of building I was so at peace yet aware we were all grown professionals building Lego in a den that teenagers would dream of. I got home and was so proud of this. I actually went out and did this. Even Lesley was shocked.

Lesley did text me this morning and asked to go out for coffee. I felt like I had done enough for one week so turned it down. Instead Joe and I went and brought Mazie a new bed. She is outgrown hers. Mancoons get so big.

So that’s my news. I have been concerned about Beany and wondering about oaks sleeping. Manuel moes progress also. Wanted to say thank you to SD, that time you told me to just go out I felt a little angry at myself. Now I feel somewhat proud.
Hope rivergirl is all good.

Thinking of you all.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, I am so pleased you enjoyed the Lego!

It is an invention of genius. I hope your Lego guitar goes well, and that you continue to pursue this passion.

I’d very much enjoy hearing more about your history with Lego. And what is next.

And thank you for your post: after a brief work trip (which did me good!), I am ramping up my CPAP efforts and keeping after our dear Mediterranean diet. This week’s goal: a second try at mirepoix. (In addition to mitigating sleep apnea, my hated GERD is down to practically nothing since I increased my unprocessed food in the last three months. Progress!)

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Gia,

Thanks for the update. Encouraging stuff!

Just so happens that a clue to a crossword I did last week was "Toy that inspired half-a-dozen theme parks, and their names". Hmm, stumped. But it was "Lego" and "Legoland".
(Wikipedia has a detailed page - "Lego" comes from a Danish phrase that means "play well".)

Never got the bug myself, but so many people enjoy it.
(But I *have* stepped on a few of the blocks while barefoot. Not recommended... )

I'm glad that you went. A focused communal activity where no one needs to stand out, be in control, or prove anything. And help and encouragement is only a query away...

Small steps.

Wishing you well!

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Thanks friends.
It was so nice to sit with light minded people around a Star Wars table and create things with the Lego.
I related to one other person there whom is a endurance biker so we shared stories about our adventures. He found me strange for running in darkness. I was not brave enough to explain why.

It’s Monday here and I’m already wishing it was Sunday!

[oak]

Mental Fairy, how has your week been?

[Mental Fairy]

Hi my dear friend.
It’s been a hectic week. I have a few days off now. Been doing long shifts as major staff shortages here. We as a country are really struggling in the medical field. I think we are world wide really ain’t we?

Mental health wise I was a little shaken by some troubles with sleep paralysis again. I wanted to reach out but I feel like it’s a bourdon.

I have to giggle currently as Joe has gone to get an air fryer. I told him you have been having a good time with yours. There is a special on till 9pm tonight at Briscoes so he is off to get one! It’s 7pm currently! I think he still had his pj shorts on!
I’m thinking sleep or the problems I have with it are catching up on me.

On a bright note, the ducks are following my car now when I go to work!!!!!

I’ll upload some photos this weekend for you all!

I feel flat Oak. Really flat.

How is everyone? This is one of the many moments I wish we lived next door!

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

A few responses inline, if I may?

He found me strange for running in darkness. I was not brave enough to explain why.

I wanted to ask about this. From what I remember, it's one of your "times alone" that we all need. You have a busy life, and work in a high-intensity "high-touch" profession every day that can be quite stressful. Need some down time, right?

We as a country are really struggling in the medical field. I think we are world wide really ain’t we?

Yes, Covid over the last two and a half years has taken a toll. Awhile back I posted a couple of links to Reddit where medical personnel can vent, ask questions, and generally commune. Lots of stress and burnout...

by some troubles with sleep paralysis again. I wanted to reach out but I feel like it’s a burden.

If you mean posting here, please disabuse yourself of that notion. I for one, enjoy your posts. (And I know "I'm not alone". )

I wish there was an easy fix for the sleep-walking and sleep-paralysis. (I remember experiencing sleep paralysis only one time, and it was quite unpleasant). Establishing routines and following "sleep hygiene" rules seem to be the primary solution for now..

the ducks are following my car now when I go to work!!!!!]

I absolutely love this!!

I feel flat Oak. Really flat.

A typical sign of depression. I'm very familiar with it. Fortunately it's not a problem for me at the moment, but it's evil companion Anxiety has been stalking me. Lots of "gotta do, gotta do" activities piling up at work and home. I guess it's an autumn thing. Need to focus on a day at a time...

Wishing you well, and remember to do the things you've found that help.
Reach out for your supports- human, critter, whatever.

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD
Can I just say you are very thoughtful and very similar to my therapist in what you notice.
I find it very soothing if not comforting.

The running in the dark thing is a PTSD response apparently.
I struggle running in daylight. My moments of terror happened in daylight and I felt no protection from it.
My brain feels so much safer In the dark. I don’t like being seen I guess? As soon as night comes I feel so much peace. Then sleep kicks in!! Mostly the sleep is restful. I have a great sleep routine prior to bed. But at times the sleep problems take hold. I just woke 30min ago and had a good night sleep. It’s only maybe two maybe three nights a week I get paralysis. Sleep walking maybe once or twice. Can go weeks without it also. Just little triggers set it off.

Sitting in bed having my coffee before my run soon and I can hear my ducks outside the window. When I noticed they were following my car I almost cried. It was so sweet. I work only 4km from home but have hospital rounds and lab work to do on way. Hospital is 1.5km from my home and sometimes I can see them flying over at different parts of the day. When the sun comes up I’ll take some photos.

Joe and Matt are heading north at end of the month for some show so I’m looking forward to the three days of reading!!! It will be like a marathon of the eyes!!!

I feel yes the mood had been off and some shame comes with that. I guess it’s only natural. I know this might sound silly but I found a dead bird in the shed on Monday and I felt overwhelmed with grief. I was a sparrow whom maybe got trapped. I gave it a burial and carried on. However I did notice my emotions shift. It’s so confronting to see end of life regardless of the creature. This is my brain I know!

I also should update you all that I got a call from the Auckland District Health unit as they are wanting to study my health. Due to the fact I’m susceptible to further cancer there is a team formulating a plain to care for myself and Matt as he also had the same gene fault. I am deeply privileged to have this open door. I do find ignorance is bliss when my head is in the sand. When you have a bunch of people watching what your body is doing for science to help others then I feel obligated to comply with all exams!

There is now an air fryer on my kitchen bench I have no idea what to do with! Joe got me a new non stick frypan for my daily eggs and a lavender pillow to keep the boggy man at bay!

Well must get the shoes on and start running.

Mental love to all.