Mind Body and Trauma

[rivergirl]

I'm so sorry you're facing this new awful development, MF.

Do you feel any family pressure to help in ways that feel dangerous? I hope not.

I'm thinking of you & please keep us posted.

rg

[Mental Fairy]

Update

He won’t be out now for two more years. He has not even acknowledged the murder. Apparently our laws state he has to relive the crime. Show some feelings, do some courses and he’s out.
Infuriating.

My heads been a bit in a tizz and found I couldn’t sleep well at all for three nights in a row. Last night I finally slept. With a stroll of two apparently.
Boys heading away next weekend thankfully as we all need space. Starting to feel very closed in currently and I think that’s more me needing space to ground myself again.

I honestly think of you all every morning when I wake and wish you all a good day wherever you are.

[manuel_moe_g]

What a monster! Two more years not sufficient; if he doesn’t even acknowledge that he took a life, he shouldn’t be up for parole so soon again.

Please take care, Mental Fairy, I am sure this took a toll.

[oak]

Agreed with our good friend Manuel Moe.

We stand by you, Mental Fairy!

(We also “Stan” you, as the young people say.)

[oak]

Also, this is one of the all time great MIHH forum threads.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Mental Fairy.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Been really busy for the last few days but wanted to respond when I saw this. (Maybe my weird compulsion, but I feel obligated not to let things hang, and am grateful when all our friends here respond. Guess I'm a bit of a megalomaniac? - "If I don't do it, who will?" Sheesh).
---------------------------------
Anyway -

Some things are just too ugly to think about, but it sounds like a few people on the parole board need to be reminded of what actually happened, and in detail.

A few questions, if I may?

How can a life sentence be reduced like this? Do they consider it a "crime of passion" or otherwise categorize it as something lesser than what it is?

Did this release timing come as a surprise to you all, or was it expected?

I assume there are periodic parole hearings where community members and those affected can plead their case in the matter, aren't there? (The poor children, OMG)

He won’t be out now for two more years. He has not even acknowledged the murder.
Apparently our laws state he has to relive the crime. Show some feelings, do some courses and he’s out.

Hmm, some sanity, good. This would be the absolute barest minimum.

Infuriating.

Righteous anger can be channeled and put to good use.

My head's been a bit in a tizz and found I couldn’t sleep well at all for three nights in a row.

Paul uses the term "future tripping", and it's so hard not to do. We have a limited number of spoons, need to use them sparingly.

With a stroll or two, apparently.

Just had a vision of a sleepwalker on a shortish bungee cord, attached to the bedpost. Might that be a workable idea? Makes me nervous thinking about you wandering around in the dark!

Take care.

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Good Morning SD

Pull up a chair and pour yourself a cuppa and allow me to explain!

Answers to your questions are rolling through my head at lightning speed as i too have had many of my own to dish out to the parole board over the last few days.

This murder was premeditated. He knew he was going home to "unleash the devil". The prolonged attack was violent, sickening and has left us with many unanswered questions thus far. Ross took off to the bush line out the back of where this took place in the south island. He hid in the bush for nine days and returned to the scene and was found by the police hiding in the roof area.

The lawyers were put in place and Ross decided on his own accord to plead guilty immediately to prevent these young children from having to testify in court. With him pleading guilty this means in our system he automatically gets a shorter sentence on good will. It annoyed the lawyer somewhat as he wanted to get him off the charge. (yes, i can see your head will be shaking)

Life in New Zealand, doesn't mean life. Yes, he took a life, he changed the lives of many and he brought shame on the family that was living. Especially grandpa.

Are we shocked? We are, the time has gone so fast. He was moved from maximum security in the south island prison to a prison about two hours from where we live in Taranaki. In the south island prison he was working and gained skills as a joiner, and coffee maker. Earning money for this.
Covid hit and he was moved to minimum security up here and has not had the ability to work in this prison as they can't mix the prisoners up. However they have all had covid. There is a huge portion of gang affiliations in this prison currently.

From what we have been told in the meeting thus far is he will be out in two years, he has been a good prisoner for the most part. They cannot go into to much detail. However, having a father whom was in and out most of my life and also know many gang members i have good knowledge of life on the inside more so now than ever.

I took the time over the last two weeks to talk to people whom have been in there for many reasons, i asked questions, dove deeper into how life is in there and what the processes are of currency and comradeship. It was hard to hear some of the things going on.

For Ross he will have a parole hearing yes, in front of the judge here in Taranaki. We will be present. There is only the one hearing, no more than that.
Ross thus far has spent most of his time in solace and very much a solo soul. I fear he will be too institutionalized. He has always been better alone, not with people and from what i have been told he worked well on farms away from people.

On release he is not allowed within 5km radius of the so called remaining victims.
This is also a very difficult topic to understand. Back in the late 80's early 90s a victim meant the person whom was attacked and surrounding family and witnesses.
Now, it is very different. It means the only living victims are the two children. No other people. Not even the neighbours that found the children walking around lost on the farm the next day. Yes, they saw the bits of the body but they don't become a victim apparently.

There will be contact with the two now grown children and they will be informed, they won't be told where he is, just that he is coming out at such and such time.

Grandpa is planning on having him live with him for the first year of release i think. Grandpa is his father.

This is where the mental health thing steps up. He must complete courses over the next couple of years, resit his drivers licence and have some therapy. Once that is done and ticked, he has the judge sign off and he is out of there with some money from the government, weekly pay from them also for up to two years, bank account set up, and food allowance. He may have ankle bracelet on but the judge we decide that.
He will have to check in with parole weekly and have therapy. He will be monitored with his mental state and if he reoffends in any way he goes back in.
Alcohol has always been a problem, so not sure how this will pan out. He has not taken part in any moonshine making in prison from what i understand.

I am shocked at the speed of time, it has come around so fast, it feels like only last week he went in. When we got the news it was hard to process. The mention of his name in the media would come up from time to time and we are aware the media will be sniffing around soon enough.

This leads me to think about things deeper, as i do.....
In all this time why would he not of processed what he did? The reliving of this in talk therapy is going to be difficult for him, i get that. I do feel a mix of emotions. Yes, we have thoughts in our mind of what we would like to do or say to someone that has hurt us, cut us off or hit us but murder......that's different. The description of his attack was so hard to read. It was all over the news. His mug shot on the internet makes me sick as he was smiling. It is all on the internet if you want to look it up.

On the 4th of November i have been asked to attend a video meeting with him by the parole board as Joe wont be able to. Grandpa needs the support. I have booked a meeting with my therapist as i am concerned, i am worried, if not for me but others. This is put a massive strain on our marriage as Joe doesn't understand. He also wants to support grandpa, grandpa is Joe's world, he brought Joe up after his father cut his Toe off to claim money from accident policy through the government scheme to pay for his drinks and smokes.

I feel i have to be there to support Joe and grandpa. I am scared of the meeting, i am scared of the release. Who knows what he will be like.

So SD, i am left with more questions and answers. Only time will tell if he behaves, only time will tell the outcome. I just don't wish to be part of it.

Sigh!

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Wow, thank you for taking the time to explain. There's so much here,
Just had a 14 hour day, so need to turn in, but I'll try to respond tomorrow or on the weekend.

I hope you can get some good sleep tonight. You deserve it.

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Lost currently. I tried going to neighbours after work as was invited. I don’t drink and I wasn’t really hungry. I went really as support for my husband as it’s his last day on the job and they wanted to wish him well on his next job.

I felt awkward for some reason, didn’t feel like being there. I was picked on a lot for having my two ducks visit twice a day. Low and behold half and hour later I hear them. Sure enough they must of known my voice and they had followed me across the road to the neighbours. I took them home to feed and dashed back to say goodbye to all as I was not feeling ok, I honestly couldn’t take much more of the picking. Sure enough they all gave me hell for having these two pets that follow me. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.

It felt like being back at school and I’m bloody 41!

Came home had a shower and now laying here wishing I never went.

Sometimes animals whom don’t talk English are nicer to be around on days like this.

[oak]

These people are nuts.

You have my full permission to politely excuse yourself, or just walk away, going forward.

A friendly “hello” as you go about your day is all you owe them. You have a destiny to persue, and can’t be their dumping ground for their unprocessed trauma.

Sometimes people need to be cut out of our lives. Talk with your husband, come to a consensus about low contact/no contact, and enjoy your duck friends all you like.