Mind Body and Trauma

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Really weird and beyond childish. A group of adults were trying to shame you over this?

What the hell....?

Was there a "ringleader"?
And what other topics do these wonderful people talk about?

But you will be OK. No need to burn up any more mental energy on this incident.
(I've been trying to remind myself of this lately when things happen, since I'm so prone to useless rumination myself).

SD

[snoringdog]

P.S.

A charitable interpretation, just for balance -

Maybe in your awkward and sensitive state, you amplified what they intended to be "friendly ribbing", and they're all too socially inept and didn't pick up on your discomfort and stop?

Anyway, don't let the bastards get you down.

[manuel_moe_g]

People have to be more socially aware with their ribbing/mocking, and if you are still on it after 3 minutes, realize that you are not improving the silence, and just stop the ribbing/mocking.

take care, Mental Fairy! you are the best, you deserve the best!

[Mental Fairy]

Hey beautiful people.

Head has been in a bit of a tizz since Friday when my ducks came to find me and I was shamed by the neighbours for being mother ducky.

I can say I am over the hump of anger, well so I thought….

Today my friends I had my half marathon time trial and I had a plan. I don’t know about anyone else but I do a mental imagery of my days almost every single day. I have a plan even before I get up. Some would call this regimental or OCD. I like to have a plan.

My run started off great, first half went great. I know this might sound weird but I knew the second half was going to play with my head a bit so I put my mind to work. I had picked 12 people I wanted to dedicate 1km each too. You all played a role in my recovery and moving through my mind field of thoughts. So each of you I have gotten to know I spent some hard time on my legs thinking about each of you have played out on getting me thus far. It actually become emotional.
As I was trotting along on a trail section I passed a casual jogger, I felt anger for some reason. I become immediately agitated and tense.

Further along I pulled back a bit to help with the lactic acid buildup. I saw this women again and I had to completely change my route. I couldn’t face her, I didn’t want to do the casual greeting and carry on. I then had to ask myself why this happened, for some reason I kept thinking of all the people that picked on me over my life for being different, for loving to read, loving to climb, loving to run. Not being the traditional girly girl growing up, all the teasing and hurtful words kicked into my brain. Then I noticed the colour of what this person was wearing, pink. I don’t care for this colour as I was forced to wear it by my mother as I had to look and be like the rest of the girls.

My observation over the years of seeking help is colours that are soothing to me, when I was doing hypnosis for sleep problems and learning about the brain I found the colours that calmed me were green, all shades apart from bright.

I was in the bush on a trail where I feel so at peace, I felt relaxed, happy, gleeful almost. Then to see a women in bright pink rocking an attitude when I passed her i had to really try not to have a horrible anger outburst. It rose in my chest so bad I left the trail to get away. I did a re route.
With pressure to get run complete I had to take the time to mentally talk myself out of giving up. The self criticism was high. It took 4km for me to allow myself to feel, acknowledge it then tell myself it’s ok, then something Manuel Moe has talked about come up in my mind. I felt like I was that young girl again, not good enough, not fast enough, no enough. I acknowledged she stepped into my shoes for a bit there and I had to tell her it was ok, that anger came from my past. That’s why I run. That’s why I can show I can do hard things, I can complete what I started and I bloody well won’t wear pink!!!!!
I felt like I was the 6 year old girl at school not wanting to run as I didn’t like it then, I was the Tom boy, the big kid whom didn’t want to be touched, clapped at to finish a running race, run and feel shame and run and feel watched.

The brain is so amazing, you all played a role in my finishing of this run today. I got a wind of strength thinking about us all with our struggles, our quirks, our habits and our hurts.
This weekend I felt hurt as I was made fun of for caring for two injured ducks whom I care about. Sure they are wild and they do their own thing but ain’t we all.

Thank you all for helping each other.

[Mental Fairy]

P.s

Not sure who can get it on Netflix but there is a series called Human Playground. If you can get it the first episode and the first person they document got to me in such a way I’ve watched it so many times. There is a comment the women makes that made me feel understood. She mentioned when she runs it drains out the voice of, I’m not good enough.

Today however all the running in the world couldn’t drain out that voice as the torment of being picked on Friday by a 50+ women whom thinks of me as a friend really effected me more than i thought.

[Mental Fairy]

This is Dee

[Mental Fairy]

This is Uckie

Together they make Dee Uckie!

[manuel_moe_g]

Too cool!

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing.

I’m glad each of us was a km for you.

And, difficult as it was, well done for identifying the color-trigger.

Sunlight is the best disinfectant.

Lastly, your duck friends are beautiful fowl indeed.

[Beany Boo]

It hurts a person profoundly, to absorb someone else’s shame, when it is foisted on that person aggressively. An act that the aggressor is probably unaware of having committed.

Having a primal connection to ducks is something to be incredibly and unconditionally proud of.