Mind Body and Trauma

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF,

I am glad it resonates with you.

[oak]

Well done on the half marathon, Mental Fairy.

I’d be interested to hear about plans, however preliminary, to get those remaining seven minutes next time. That said, any completing of a half marathon is a wonderful accomplishment. Well done!

Also, I not only don’t find it odd, but do the same thing: (1) visualize and (2) break into constituent parts.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi family
Had to do recovery run today and it was way to hard. Yea, only 5km. But when your legs are like concrete it was a self hatred run.
Currently sitting at my really nice neighbours home car sitting. Their cat is so adorable. Cuddly and loving. I kind of don’t want to go home. Watching America master chef with cat on lap purring like a Italian car! It’s overcast and blissful.
Today has been a National holiday and it’s felt very long. I don’t normally struggle with weekends but this has been testing. I’m nervous for some reason. It’s my last week before I’m on leave for 3 weeks. I am struggling a lot since my other not so nice neighbours made fun of me. It’s knocked me hard for some reason. I felt like I was targeted and not accepted or loveable.

I’ll leave it at that.

[oak]

Edit:

I typed something juvenile about your foolish neighbors.

Rather than discuss those fools, let me simply say that I support you.

Also, it seems like there is untold unprocessed generational trauma sloshing back and forth of your nation. In the broadest sense. Like with the young men in rural areas; yikes.

Come to America.

[Mental Fairy]

It’s super frustrating Oak, I wouldn’t put someone down or go out of my way to make comments to embarrass someone. Not even someone I’ve known for 10+ years. The lady whom did this emails me regularly from across the road or when we are at work with nice comments and suggestions, then I fall for it and go over and it starts up again.

I might need to paint a picture here. We live in a semi rural area. It’s gradually being built out with homes In available land. Thankfully the land in front of us is on a 80year lease from the council for the horses so we can use it for disabled people and mental health patients to gain confidence and connection.

If I was to stand at my front door, to the right we have a beautiful couple whom we absolutely adore. All their kids have grown up and left home. We are very alone. I was at theirs most of this afternoon cat sitting. My version of cat sitting requires the lazy boy chair, tv remote and a cat! We cuddled for four hours. It was bliss. To be honest it was the highlight of my day.

To the left we have a young couple with two kids. Not really close but we talk over the garden as she is begging me to go do hers!

Then the neighbour whom has been harsh on me is directly across the road. I don’t know if it’s me whom can’t cope with the personality or if she is intentionally doing it. Her partner is lovely and very much on my side, he knows what she is like.
The rest of the neighbours we also know but not close.

Since therapy started for me I’ve been feeling so much more alone, individual and inquisitive about my own actions. It’s only in the last maybe two weeks I can listen to music again, however only for a short time. I get deeply emotional with music.
Husband is now packed and ready for life on the road again, he sets off 2am tomorrow. Yes, it is hard. I used to feel enormous rejection when he was on the road, it’s not as bad now but it is still there. There is some tension and yes tension is a waste of time and effort but I felt the same feelings growing up. But it’s not the past, however as Manuel Moe is also finding, there is an inner child, teenager inside of us that still hurts, bleeds and cries.

The air fryer has been a great tool Oak, when I open the drawer on it I always say ‘thank you Oak’. It’s become a little habit!

Mazie has a little knot in her fur by her tail and back leg, I can’t get the shaver or pet scissors anywhere near her without her running away. Brushing her so much currently as summer coat coming along.

I don’t know team, I think just super sensitive me is over thinking, over reacting ?

Was on my yoga Matt yesterday for over and hour doing meditation and yoga, Joe thought I had fallen asleep. I think we are all lonely in our own ways, we could be in a room full of people and still feel that way. Well, I do at least.

Mental hugs beautiful people.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing.

I am glad you are demonstrating courage in facing your difficulties. I am glad you are open to trying music.

This sounds corny, but I love to play music while cooking: I think the love and vibes improves it. Play some Black Pumas, Alabama Shakes, or Teskey Brothers next time you're in the kitchen.

And speaking of cooking, I'm delighted the air fryer has been such a pleasing experience for you and your family. Again, you are open to new ideas, new methods.

You're on your way, my friend.

[Mental Fairy]

I oak, the music you sent me the day I was searching for courage to go to therapy was a little turning point for me. I’ve played that song many many times now. Especially when I need some courage. I am envious of your progress, you may not see it as much, just by reading your old posts to now it’s been amazing.
Someone asked me this morning if I was ok, I had a shocking night and it must be evident to them even with just text messages. He asked if I was tired as I was very slow on reply or my reply was different to normal. I immediately messaged that I have night terrors and last night one a doozy. I also sleep walked again.

I loved my bedroom furniture around the other day to try confuse my brain if I was to sleep walk. Trick it! Didn’t work! I think if I was put in a rocket to the moon or on a pontoon in the ocean I would still get up and take a walk regardless of lack of oxygen and gravity, water and sharks. My mind is like a bowl of confused sauceless spaghetti Bolognese.

[Mental Fairy]

Today I showed my strength

Joe was to be starting at gym today. First time in a long time. Because he works 12 hour shifts he left home about 2:45am to attend the 24 hour gym by his work. Even before he walked in the building he saw another man arrive and there was two women there in the car park about to walk in. Joe, not knowing his way around very well and not knowing anyone smiled at the other man and said good morning. The man was also the same build as Joe. The two women in there 50s were within air shot. One said to the other how she hates people working out while she is there and especially if they are overweight. The other women said she can’t stand the sight of fat people. The man that was next to Joe turned and said to the women, is that right, I’ll save you the sight of me’ then lifted up his bag and went back to the car and left. Joe was so offended and upset he also left.

He informed me what happened and I lost it, the blood boiled. Joe canceled his membership this morning and I wrote a letter to the company.

The CCTV picked it all up and the ladies are being talked too and their membership suspended.

I felt so bad for Joe and this other man. Joe went back to gym at 9am to drop off his key and by luck as Joe was walking in the other man from the morning was walking out having done the same thing.

I’m still so angry about it.
Why must people be so cruel.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow

People like those two ladies really exist?

How can you grow up in the world and be so shallow?

Give my best to Joe

Take good care, Mental Fairy

[oak]

Mental Fairy, I am sorry he, and as someone who loves him, have gone through this. His response is very reasonable.

I have to ask, what with the (1) rural suicide epidemic (2) duck nosey-ness (3) this nonsense: is there something inherent in your culture that fosters and tolerates such evil words?

Why don't people mind their own business?