Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

I feel a subdued agony right now. But experience suggests it’s not necessarily going to hinder or taint ‘good’ action. It’s just strong feelings. I suspect I know how to channel them even though no one taught me.

My only job is to caretake the day. And show love for something without fear, however briefly.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Beany

I am sorry you are in agony

Good luck, I admire your ability to “use” negative emotions for positive ends

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

Feeling loneliness today. Feeling new things about it;

I spend a lot of time and energy:

1. Pretending that feeling isn’t real
2. Navigating other peoples’ (unconscious) comments about it

I have come to the point of thinking it’s not:

1. My fault
2. My doing
3. My responsibility to fix

I have finished trying to:

1. Think my way out of it
2. Find words to resolve it

Today I let it be. Letting it be means listening. Listening is much easier than pretending. I get a sense that at the very least I am not going to make it any worse.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow, that is amazing, Beany

Have had challenges with feelings of loneliness myself, recently

I just powered through the loneliness, I am scared of the loneliness

I will have to figure out what “listening” means to me

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM

[Beany Boo]

I’ve started to do a thing.

Just as my mind turns to ruminate about the future, I sense it. Then, before I can drop into the rumination I interrupt it, on a reflex. I have an impulse which is only in play for a second. I emote to myself, a feeling which is basically, ‘I trust you’. The subtext is, ‘I trust you to manage in the future at least as well as I’m managing (in the) now.’ I feel the feeling slightly resound. I forget to ruminate. Doing that 20 times a day is having effects, not the least of which is I’m starting to mean it.

(Not an expert, not a cure)

[Mental Fairy]

Gosh I love that

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF

[rivergirl]

Hi Beany,

Thank you for sharing the post about loneliness. I relate to much of what you wrote.

I frequently experience a sense of responsibility and even shame that I have been so lonely in my life, and particularly lonely in recent years. At times I feel like my loneliness means that I deserve to be alone.

Yesterday I felt intense loneliness in the morning and tried to talk myself out of it. It didn't work and eventually I just observed the ebb & flow of my loneliness through the day, and found that it eased up toward evening.

I hope you find some relief in listening to your loneliness rather than struggling with it so much, Beany.

rivergirl