Mind Body and Trauma

[rivergirl]

Hi Mental Fairy,

I'm just so sorry about the situation with your patients, your physical and mental health, and the effect of all the stress you're under.

I don't know that much about health systems in various countries, but I do know that getting treatment can also be rough in the U.S., even after health care reform. My sister had ovarian cancer while unemployed. She used a county indigent health care program but it took 5 months from her first dr. appt. through getting diagnosed and surgery. She was in remission but it came back 2 years later. She's the one who had a complete mental breakdown or developed dementia and is now in a poor quality assisted living facility. I don't know if the stress of going through cancer without insurance and/or chemo contributed to her mental decline.

Your patients are so lucky to have you on their team, but I'm worried about you. I'm not quite sure what a hamper is (a basket?) I'm picturing a large picnic hamper/basket. I wish that I was closer and could bring you a hamper full of some of your favorite things (a stylish hamper, of course). Feel free to lean on my shoulder any time, for what that's worth.

I don't know if this is too personal to ask, but I'm wondering if you feel trapped in your job for financial or other reasons? Or do you just feel so dedicated to your patients that you can't imagine doing a less stressful job (a different type of nursing perhaps?) I think that would be a great loss to your patients but just wondered if you ever think it's too much.

Please take care of yourself. There are so many people who need/love you, and you also deserve health and happiness just for you.

rivergirl

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing.

I second what our good friend River Girl says.

Also, though it didn’t work out, I’m glad your husband tried the new job.

Frankly, returning to a previous employer is sometimes a really good idea. I’ve done it at my current employer, as have most of my buddies.

I hope you are doing well, Mental Fairy!

[Beany Boo]

I can tell you, feeling like it’s unsafe to stand still or let go of anything could be a symptom of PTSD.

It might also be a struggle to feel the feelings you want to feel without bringing down the stress level first.

Also, rest is probably gonna hurt. Just like running is hard when you haven’t done it regularly.

If you’re chuffing along at 95% stress and you spike 10%, you leave your window of tolerance. If you’re chuffing at 85% and spike 10% you’re still in… coping-town.

I’m not sure if this helps you. This is just stuff I picked up when I was in a position to hear it.

Personally, amidst what you’re saying, I am hearing you screaming, ‘I have had enough!’ and also, looking for someone to validate that sentiment. I see that you have had enough MF. Take a break, take a lot of breaks. Even if other adults never read the way you’re following your instincts, it’s okay to exercise a little trust.

Sorry if this is too icky.

[Mental Fairy]

Feeling like it is unsafe to stand still got to me a little Beany. That sentence i had to read several times over as it made complete sense to me.

Thank you all for your support. I can't thank you enough.

Feeling unsafe to stand still.....so very true. What would happen is i fear i will start crying and never stop. I fear i will spontaneously combust into a million pieces with maybe half a leg left over on the floor under my desk.

Rivergirl i was so glad to hear from you. I can not imagined being in a different role. I would work my job for free and not want to get paid. There is something about it that brings such a feeling of accomplishment. Patients don't always need a script, a consult or even an examination. Sometimes they just want to be heard and that is all it takes to make them feel better. Even if it is just for a day.
Going from working in dental, Maxillofacial to general medicine has expanded my knowledge and passion for helping others in need. I will be retiring from my role in the next couple of years and do wonder what i will do next. I will always be in medicine just maybe not so hands on.

PTSD is something i am learning more and more about myself. We see things and are put in situations your brain has too process and reset in a way to adapt to the feelings that situation presents. I have found more and more over the past few weeks that i am struggling to recall names of patients as we have so many. I was in the hair dressers last Saturday and behind me was a patient whom was trying to get my attention. Eventually i looked over and acknowledged her and she got incredibly excited to be talking to me outside of the work setting. My hairdresser was amused by the conversation and her excitement to see me. I didn't understand it, and as i walked out the door i completely ignored the situation and put up a wall as i just wanted to be left alone. I didn't mean to be rude at all but i couldn't face it. I was unable to remember her name, her medical situation and when i last saw her. To this day i have no idea who she was. I did not want my work life spilling over into my private life but it is hard in this town, i think this is why i can't face going out in public.

My dear friend whom lost his mother over the weekend is having the cremation today. No service as that is what she wanted. I feel like i should be there but i don't think i could cope with yet another cremation. Having just had the anniversary of my dads passing on the same day she passed it has become to much. I am on the end of the phone if they need me.

I have ordered the food for Christmas day, nothing fancy just a nice lunch to have with my boys. The older i get the less i look forward to it.

I felt grateful the boys cooked dinner last night as i biked to work and took my time getting home.

Alas my friends i better get my brain into gear and sort my day out with the next round of patients. We will be taking three weeks off from early Jan to February to reset the body a bit. I think i am just aging and becoming a grabby old women!!!!

Mental love to all of you.

[Beany Boo]

Feeling unsafe to stand still.....so very true. What would happen is i fear i will start crying and never stop. I fear i will spontaneously combust into a million pieces with maybe half a leg left over on the floor under my desk.

This is real. It probably refers to an experience that has already occurred. If there comes a chance to cry ‘without ever stopping’ it would be handy to be in the presence of someone who shows they can hold the space in a way where it’s clear the ‘flying apart’ can be managed.

Anyway, say, ‘I’ve had enough’ if this is too much for now.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Beany
It make’s complete sense and sadly I think each tear released would be for reasons I’ve never actually given the time to acknowledge. Even in the car driving back to clinic just now I was listening to mental health happy hour and the discussion was in regards to how a women felt as a child when her parents separated. She said it was the happiest moment for her but had trouble with her new step mother later on down the track. It made me think how much I hated my step mother. She took my fathers attention from myself and my siblings. She was a witch in my eyes and still to this day boil with anger about her. It’s remarkable how the mind recalls things and makes you think from a different angle as you age.

[oak]

Mental Fairy!

1. I hope you very much enjoy your time off. You have earned it, my friend.

2. Much like the old song says, I may lean on you in the coming weeks: while I’m sticking with kettlebell, I may (may!) try running in the new year.

I haven’t run since I was a teen, but if you encourage me I’ll post about at least trying to jog.

(I say all this because I want to at least try the local Gaelic football experience, and running certainly appears to be part of the whole deal.)

[oak]

Mental Fairy!

1. I hope you very much enjoy your time off. You have earned it, my friend.

2. Much like the old song says, I may lean on you in the coming weeks: while I’m sticking with kettlebell, I may (may!) try running in the new year.

I haven’t run since I was a teen, but if you encourage me I’ll post about at least trying to jog.

(I say all this because I want to at least try the local Gaelic football experience, after viewing a charming documentary, and running certainly appears to be an important part of the sport.)

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak.

Load up the Nike app on phone and try the guided runs on it. Honestly it’s a fantastic app that helped Joe.

Think about what time of day you’re wanting to try jog. Not sure what your lamp posts are like where you are but I recommend walk between the first two, walk faster for the next and build yourself up to light jog for the next, then reset. Walk, faster walk and jog. Tempo is good to kick start the muscles.

Make sure you eat some protein after.

[oak]

Will do, Mental Fairy. Thank you for the advice.

I hope you are doing well.