I Hate Reality

[snoringdog]

Is that overly dramatic?
Maybe so, but sometimes it's where I live.

So many things in the man-made and the natural world that I wish were different.

No One to pray to.... No One to blame.

Damn.

[Beany Boo]

I like it

Tell it straight.

[snoringdog]

To scream, or to cry... Which is it today?

But then again, if I had *real* troubles...

Get a grip, man.

[manuel_moe_g]

They are <all> real problems.

I know for a fact you deserve better.

Keep chugging along, the world is a better place with you rocking in it, SnoringDog!

[oak]

They are <all> real problems.

Word, Manuel Moe.

SnoringDog, thank you for sharing.

[snoringdog]

Negative brain dump, sorry...

Thinking about so many things all the time, every day, hurts.
Maybe more than having to actually live through and deal with something.
At least then I'd have something to distract me and to focus on....
(Don't worry, you'll get your chance, you stupid fuck)

Pretty unstable lately. Feeling like I can't keep up, and sometimes don't want to...

Philosophers ask - "What is Reality?"
I know what it is - it's all the shit! The thoughts and realizations about life and the world that hit me when I first awaken, and that I wish weren't true. God damn it.

What do you say to a person who is losing hope? (What would I say?)
Why did I feel so good last week, but now, like shit?

What makes life worth living?
What keeps people going?
How do I balance out the sadness and negativity?
How do I keep a stiff upper lip so as not to drag others down?

------------------------------
Our friend Mental Fairy said

My main running trail runs parallel to my family grave plot! I literally run past my family and depending on my mood I smile, I say a little something under my breath or I pull the finger!

That's really well-balanced. Like an ongoing conversation you could have if they were still around. Working through things.

My reaction to seeing a cemetery is a barometer that varies with my mood. I'd rather not end up in one since I'm claustrophobic and dislike crowds.
Better to be cremated and dispersed. Nowhere to look for me, and I'm closer to the winds and the elements. Sigh...

(Hmm.... I wonder.....What will I think of this post next week?)

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD

Yes, what will you think next week when you read this post?

Often I go back and read over my own words and think to myself, I have an imposter writing on this forum. Did I really type this? Or omg I was low.

This very morning I was running along the Te Henui trail past the cemetery and admittedly did contemplate going past my family plot and taking a photo for you all. But instead I pulled the finger, told myself I was useless as a 6foot something monster of a man with lean athletic legs ran past me like some gazelle primed and ready to catch his next runner. Maybe they feel bad too when he runs past them, or maybe he can’t catch them. Muppet.

Instead of digging deep to carry I took a different trail and went into the thick of the forest area. I walked and ran and walked and ran the last 3km back to the entrance.

On this river trail, to the right you have Awanui cemetery which is where my gene pool reside. On the left is Te Heuni cemetery. This cemetery is absolutely beautiful, there are hundreds upon hundreds of old graves but all maintained by volunteers whom have turned them into art. I kid you not this cemetery is in the yearly garden festival that was just on last month. People travel miles to see it. I do have some ancestors in this one also. One being Aunty Cath. She was a victim of attempted murder. My great uncle hit her over the head with a hammer and thought he killed her, so he decided to not face punishment but to bang himself down Ngamutu beach. Twat!
I did this morning go looking for her grave and see she is buried with him!!!! Who does that? Bury the victim with the perpetrator! We do.

God help me if I’m buried with my brother. I too will come back and bite some persons ear off!

https://www.tripadvisor.co.nz/Attraction_Review-g255112-d12240091-Reviews-Te_Henui_Cemetery-New_Plymouth_Taranaki_Region_North_Island.html

[oak]

Bury the victim with the perpetrator! We do.

Word.

Well said.

And, forgive me for saying the following (with caveats that attempted murder is deeply wrong, and that I deeply hope Cath recovered and enjoyed a happy long life):

I can’t help but wonder if your dumbass great uncle, who failed right up to the end, got to an afterlife judgment and was told that it was only attempted murder. I’d love to see the look on his face when he realized what a f*clip he was.

Edit to add:

That cemetery may be the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen much of America.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak,

Aunty Cath did pass later on in life. I don’t know much about her but I did have the hammer for years. No idea where it is now, moved to many times.

That cemetery is beautiful to walk through. It feels like people in there from the 1800’s have never been forgotten, then you go to new unkept ones around town and they are fresh and forgotten already.

Speaking of reality, I just signed up to a mindfulness and Wim Hof workshop on March 8th. Paid for and all. Can’t back out. Moment of insanity this morning to sign up and take the plunge. I may regret this but I need to do something to get out of this thunk. Feel so lacking right now.

Reality of the cold I hope snaps me out of this!

[oak]

HiSpeaking of reality, I just signed up to a mindfulness and Wim Hof workshop on March 8th. Paid for and all.

Wonderful!

I participated in a 1.5 hour session on his breathing method in 2021, and found it very useful.

When all else fails, with anxiety, I use his breathing method.

One day, if I realize I am in the process of dying, I’ll use his method.

It is that powerful.