Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Manuel Moe

I find compliments difficult to accept but thank you. Just got up off our examination table. I feel so tired i could easily go back to bed. I can't wait to hit the pillow. Its 1:20pm, rain is falling and humid temps are up. I feel an early night coming on. Last night i had shocking sleepwalking episodes and conversations with someone who wasn't there. I remember everything in the dream. I was on my way to Egypt. I recall the bus ride and the locations i stayed in with Matt. I recall the dust on the road, markets we stopped at. Looking through a set of binoculars to see the pyramids. I felt i couldn't get there and was so frustrated. I recall lots of puddles on the road and feeling a need to flee. A good part of my morning has been trying to ignore the feelings the dream left me with.

Back to my afternoon of patients......

[manuel_moe_g]

Not a compliment, just a simple statement of fact…

[snoringdog]

Helo Mental Fairy -

Matt is still talking about it! Joe has somewhat become very distant. He has not seen me react like that ever.

Is it wrong to suggest that you maybe apologize to him and let him know that you surprised even yourself? Maybe including your son in the conversation as well?

To start the year with a clear mind and not take work home with me. To learn to leave my emotions at the door.

This is so important. I don’t know how medical personnel do this, I don’t think I could.

When Matt went home at lunchtime yesterday the kid was playing in the yard with the ball, he saw Matts car and immediately got his ball and went inside.

Do you know this child at all? Unless he’s a real delinquent, he’s not really an adversary, just an oblivious kid, right? I’ve spoken with my “noisy” neighbor before, and there’s a lot to admire about him. But if I’m not thinking about him as a person but just a bother, that’s when the tension rises. (I must take responsibility for that, and try not to just be reactionary)

There is a list of things that set me off, the biggest one is Joes cell phone ring. If it starts i have a vision in my mind of smashing the phone with a hammer. If he doesn't get to it in time i take action and leave the area so i don't have to hear it. The noise of the vibration when it is on silent also.

Yes, it’s interesting. It’s taken me awhile to find a ring that’s not “threatening” or anxiety inducing for me. Might there be a reason for your reaction? Has there been something in the past – jarring news etc that came by phone? Any associations?

I have never really invested time into thinking about this condition as i never saw it as an issue but when i look back on situations like Joes phone or dogs barking, the clicking of a gate and the rage i feel when i get in a car and the radio is on it has really been a catalyst to arguments, emotional shut downs and drives wedges in between friendships.

As I learned from my episode, sometimes a simple request (if you can), or asking someone else to intervene is all it takes. (It’s hard when we’re emotionally wound up and under stress).

I have some tinnitus and hyperacusis which seen to factor into my intermittent misophonia.
Sometimes my startle response is high, and things like air-brakes on trucks or busses are actually painful and make me jump or wince.

I try to keep earplugs handy. They take the edge off things and really help me, without a loss of audible connection with the world.

Wishing you the best!

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD

I did have a chat with Joe about it. He said he was noticing I was struggling from the moment I got home. He was too scared to ask about work as some cases are difficult to process.

The boy next door is a rather rude young teen. He dresses in clothing four sizes to big, swears like a sailor around both his parents and his much younger brother. This kid is forever finding his ball ends up in our yard as the area where the hoop is around 5 metres square and no backboard. The ball has hit Joes Ute on more than one occasion. He’s too lazy to get the ball so we end up chucking it back. I’m not doing that anymore! It’s taking everything in me not to drive a nail into it!

My associate at work is off to Singapore today so the next three weeks it’s just me at work. Rather pleased about that as I can focus on how I will learn to manage my emotions this year with cases at work.

In the small timeframe of three days back this week we have seen some complex things already and I feel I have dealt with them well.
One patient took off out the door after receiving some sad news and she called me later to apologise. I sympathised with her and allowed her to vent her frustration of never being able to have children. Located a good therapist for her and left it at that.

I did find however as soon as I got home on Friday I crashed into bed after 15min of getting home and slept till 3am. It’s incredible how mental exhaustion is as taxing as physical.

[oak]

Hi Mental Fairy!

I want to send a quick hello and word of encouragement.

We are standing by you!

Also, I encourage you to explore this misophonia. I think there is some area for growth/healing for you there.

Keep us posted!

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak

Thank you.

This morning has been odd. I was pleased to see a post by our friend Manuel Moe.

Had an odd night after dropping into bed like a felled tree after work yesterday. Joe text me saying he went to work about 3am as apparently I was flipping around the bed in some display of what looked like an exorcism!! I admit I must be a bloody hard person to be with! Poor man.

Beautiful Mazie climbed into bed this morning with me and I stayed in it too long, my jog that was planned started later than normal so I drove to a bush trail I know well. I just started jogging and a minute later I saw people so I turned and got back into the car and came home to sit on the deck with the cat and have my coffee. I feel like I’ve had no sleep and I’m allowing myself to understand a jog is not ideal right now. Do some yoga I feel then maybe a bike ride in the rain.

When SD sent that post about Paul Simon I went and listened to his music. Over the last couple of years I’ve have noticed how music affects the brain. Emotionally it can be hard to listen to particularly songs. One that gets me into a real state is “I’ll do it my way” Frank Sinatra. That was my Grampys song. I do love Leonard Cohen also. We used to listen to his music a lot on theatre.

The investigation into my reaction to noise is something that never occurred to me. But it makes sense. Even getting into my car I immediately make sure the radio is off. If I’m travelling in someone else’s car I get annoyed if it’s on! Yet I walk around almost all day on weekend with EarPods in listening to podcasts.

I have to say I have learnt so much from you all. I feel like when I pop my phone in my pocket you all come along for a ride each day. This forum has helped me way more than I thought anything ever could.

One of the podcasts I’m listening to is called “I catch killers”. Australian crime base as I was aware of my fathers involvement over there years ago. Listening to the interviews with retired detectives and also ex bikers and criminals made me take stock of the work detectives play in their roles. The dedication they give. I admire them dearly.
I recall my father in the last couple of years of his life was on a walk through our local park. He saw two people engaging in sexual activity in the middle of the day in public. My father immediately went over an told them to stop as children were in the area. A fight broke out and my father took of the the men down, a couple of facial hits were given and once dad was satisfied he went home which was a ten minute walk away, called the police and told them were to find the semi conscious body of a male with his other male partner. The police came to see dad and no chargers were laid. The cops were always informed by my father after every event he took part in, even when he did far worse things he always rung them! A couple of days before he passes he rung in to the local station to inform them he was checking out and they were amused at his dedication to keep them up to date with his actions! Yet he could never be honest with the family about all the women and children he had.

Better get my butt into gear and accomplish something today.

Thank you for your support.

Mental hugs

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing.

Your father sounds like he was a real character. IIRC, he was both a biker and a coroner?

If I may, can I suggest some podcasts you might want to try?

(Note: with one exception they’re all American, mostly a bit NPR-ish, eg left leaning.)

My top recommendations:

This American Life. Both a radio show and something of The OG podcast. 2005 to 2015 is the best, for twee stories.

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/recommended

Heavyweight. A Canadian podcast about having difficult conversations, which is also hilarious. (This might be only available on Spotify, but is well worth a listen.)

Maintenance Phase, and If Books Could Kill. Michael Hobbes goodness.

C*caine and Rhinestones. While unfortunately titled, it is an amazing podcast about 20th country music. Season 2 is good.

S-Town: a spin-off of This American Life, this limited series is so deeply Southern Gothic. Very highly recommended.

Serial: The GOAT OG true crime podcast (also a spin-off of this American Life). Season 1 is iconic. No true crime library is complete without Season 1.

Conclusion

Please try the first two episodes of both S-town and Serial (season 1), and let me know what you think. I predict you’ll get hooked on at least one of these two podcasts.

Btw, I wish I could hear S-town for the first time again. Especially the truly shocking twist at the end of episode 2.

I hope at least one or two of my suggestions brings you a little joy, and expands your horizons!


Edit to add:

If you only listen to one This American Life segment, I suggest this one: My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/486/valentines-day/act-four-7

It is so sad and sweet.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you for recommending me these podcasts. So interesting and totally up my alley.

Yea dad was a shit! He spend the better part of his life working at coroners office but had a wild side. He was so intelligent but yet dumb. He was extremely professional at work yet in days off he would be on his bike. He was involved in bike gang before he left school to care his sick mother. She passed when he was in his late teens. He got his degree and worked his way up the ranks. He was in his profession for a lot of years but cancer got him. He then turned back to the gang for comfort. Will did up a photo for you

[Mental Fairy]

Dad is on the left

[Mental Fairy]

Dad and me