Mind Body and Trauma

[oak]

Thank you for sharing, Mental Fairy.

I imagine that you are one of the first professionals someone talks to after getting a life-changing diagnosis.

You do very important work.

May I ask a question?

At 46, I can see natural decline and death happening eventually.

While I hope to live many more decades, what lessons can we learn from those so recently diagnosed?

Said another way, when life falls apart (as mine has several times, including this month), what do the resliliant people do?

What are their habits? Choices?

[Mental Fairy]

That is a very good question.

I have noticed it comes down to the very person it is effecting and yet very different for the sounding people supporting them.

example: Patient A; known diabetic, didn't take that seriously and did not follow a healthy diet (nor did her sister) or lifestyle. Attended appointment with us due to noted changes in her body when she saw her GP. Brought her sister with her too appointment as i had already noted a past history of non compliance with lifestyle + blood reports and i saw there was some serious problems coming. I asked for her to bring a support person as we do all the scanning on site and results are on the day. A patient can walk in this door and minutes later their world is turned upside down.

Patient A had a persona on combative. Not friendly as such. I could see hurt in her eyes, tough life, many bad habits or past trauma. Very defensive and didn't think she should be there as she was sure the issue had resolved itself. I had instructed her on the phone we must still check as there was problems and the bloods don't lie.

That women picked not to deal with her diabetic condition for four years, she also ignored symptoms of pain, and discomfort. For many days she would ring me begging us to save her somehow, to reverse this condition, to cut out everything and leave her with the basic organs to survive. She was living with regret. She passed away Jan 15th. To late. I knew she sat up after that appointment and started eating healthy. She even started to walk around the block. Then the walks got shorter, breath became hard to catch. Life became impossible. There was no time left. She blamed everyone else, her husband for the stress, her kids for the stress, her job, her food, herself. Bitter from the moment she walked in, then begging for life till the end. She forgot to live her life in that time frame of diagnoses to death. She took it out on the world around her. She used all the energy she needed to live well on the emotional anger and frustrations that caused her to pick up the bad food, the bad liquids and the bad habits.


Patient B: Beautiful nature, calm demeanor, outgoing, fun, plays golf, goes on walks, bike rides and eats well, bubbly, healthy, aged 70.Got diagnosed with very rare cancer of the uterus. Took the news hard. Many questions to why me? How could a healthy person get sick? DNA or other?
Had surgery and gets checks every six months for recurrence. Continue to live and love life. Positive outlook even knowing it will be cut short as this type of cancer doesn't leave without dropping off a calling card. Did not blame anyone, did not blame herself. Accepted it. Got on with golf, got on with life and made every day count.

Oak, it comes down the the person and their personality. You never see a hearse towing a trailer. Many patients notice money really doesn't matter. That there is a separate self from the body. Many if not all patients say their mind feels one way but the body shows evidence of failure or a different age. This vessel they are living in is either working well, working great, or failing in some way. Sometimes fixable, sometimes monitored and sometimes left to fail further. They might be age 30 and feel 60, they might be 90 and feel 40. Some young girls go through menopause in their teens, their 20s and 30s. So they age fast, and process in life slower due to hormones. Bones break, fracture and other parts start to fall to bits.

The body is a wonderful thing, we just have to listen to it. We have to be in awe of its capabilities'. And we have to learn to accept and love it. Fight for it and pull it back up when its on its knees. Much like you have just experienced. Your the coach of this body, you need to listen to it and you need to adapt mentally and physically.

Every single day since i have worked here i stand in front of the mirror after the morning shower and take a hard look at myself and enforce to my mental self that i am worthy. Yes i might not look like i used too, but that's ok....that's ok.....that's ok. I remind myself of all the things i have done, the hills i have climbed, ran around, slid down. The new things i learn, see and admire. The abuse, the heartache and the love for others. I run my hands over the scars on my face from my ice axe, the zipper scar up my back, the happy face scar on my chest and the parts of me i battle with. i recite I am ok. I will be ok. Yes, life ends, life begins. It is what you do in between the first breath you took to the last breath you will breath that matters. Now get on with it! Then i walk out the bathroom and tackle the day ahead like all our patients do.

You are worth it.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for the lovely and detailed thoughtful post.

I appreciate your insight, advice, and encouragement.

[oak]

Yes, life ends, life begins. It is what you do in between the first breath you took to the last breath you will breath that matters.

Mental Fairy, may I, with clear attribution to you and your excellent post, create my own thread about applying your advice (above), since my breakdown?

[Mental Fairy]

Absolutely

[Mental Fairy]

Morning Lovely team

We were awoken at some early hour to the sound of rain. We have not had rain since Cyclone Hale so it has been a treat to hear it. It was like music to our ears. Even the cat got up to go outside and stand in it.

I am back at the desk this morning to prep for the coming week of going back to full time. Somewhat excited and somewhat concerned. I have spent a great deal of time working on myself in the past few weeks. More so on mental forgiveness. Menal kindness and addressing this sleep thing! So far i have learnt it is ok to be a little older as i approach the 42 mark in march. I feel grateful for the years. Joe turned 43 today. Matt and i surprised him with a new outdoor cooker as he is a keen BBQ person.

I wake every morning before my run now and take the time to sit outside and admire the stars. I am aware many parts of the world don't have this view and appreciate the wonder of the sky above us. When i was living in the UK i didn't see the stars for weeks when i was in London. That was the very reason i moved north. There is something somewhat beautiful and mysterious about the areas above.

The half days have given me some freedom to do more cooking, more work on myself and the room to exhale without to much worry of patients hearing me sigh outloud!

I was meant to do interval training run this morning, after tapping in and listening to the body- i instead had a shower and put my running kit in my bag. I feel brave enough today to attempt a daytime run. It is a mystery to my why i feel i have the strength some weeks more than others. Hormones being the obvious answer! However, i don't believe that is the complete answer. Some weeks i am more critical of myself, the negative self talk takes over and the vast amount of emotions that follow.

I wish we had a gauge somewhere on our bodies that shows like a petrol gauge. It would have mental health levels and what we need to top up on. What we need to drain off and what type of fuel we need to get the tank full again to continue in a healthy manner.

Just my thought of the day.

[Mental Fairy]

Saddle back island to the right.
Dicky Barrett Island to the left

Just out on a jog

[Mental Fairy]

Paratutu Rock with power station chimney

[Mental Fairy]

Hot day

[oak]

Mental Fairy, I'm glad you've had a chance to work on yourself.

I know it is working, because of how generous you are with us, here. You know what they say: you can't give away something you don't have. And you have lots of experience/strength/hope.

You keep it up.

Also, well done for buying BBQ grill/smoker. A lovely gift!

Lastly, what a lovely photo.

NZ is a beautiful country.

I wish we had a gauge somewhere on our bodies that shows like a petrol gauge. It would have mental health levels and what we need to top up on. What we need to drain off and what type of fuel we need to get the tank full again to continue in a healthy manner.

Just my thought of the day.

Word.