Panic attack Thursday. Steps to mitigate this 2023.

[oak]

gosh i loved that post Oak

I want to know all about the swing dance too please once you go. All the details, don't miss a thing.

Mental Fairy! Good news bad news.

Bad news: the weather isn't cooperating, so I can't go to the swing dance... this month. I have great plans for March.

Good news: I am feeling much better, and the manager of my fitness facility said, unprompted, that 1.5 years of kettlebell have transformed me.

So while I'm disappointed that I can't make it to the swing dance this month, I am making good choices to start a new, better life after January's breakdown.

Edit to add:

Since today is a good day to stay inside, I am making a beautiful mirepoix.

Also, and this is a bit woo-woo: the food always tastes better with a little love as an ingredient. I like to play music while cooking: not only love songs, but hopeful songs, like the one I used today:

https://youtu.be/3OFy2qWgFaY

-Johnny Cash “I’m just an old chunk of coal (but I’ll be a diamond someday)”

Edit to add 2: The mirepoix was divine.

[rivergirl]

I'm sorry you're missing the dance, Oak.

However, so glad to hear that things are looking up on the whole. It sounds like a perfect day to stay in and cook, and I thoroughly approve of your song choices. Don't underestimate yourself, none of us are perfect, but you're already a diamond.

[oak]

Aww, thank you River Girl!

Friends, today (Sunday) I had my third of five free sessions with the short term counseling provided by my employee assistance program. Tomorrow is my fourth.

She sent me links for worksheet pdfs, and I’m filling out anxiety and goal setting ones.

I’ll post more about using these pdfs to create a better future (a better summer 2023, specifically) Monday night.

In the meantime, I see this horrible experience as any story arc: something bad happened, we pulled together, and now we can plan to do better next time: taking actions to both reduce my anxiety, and tools to have reduce to mitigate said anxiety when it does show up.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Today I had my 4th of 5 free sessions with my short term counselor. We discussed:

1. How trauma has intersected with “secondary gain”, especially with my messy apartment. What am I keeping away with the clutter? What traumas from childhood am I re-enacting? What is the payoff from these unsatisfying dramas that I compulsively play again and again?

2. Creating anxiety exposure hierarchies to break difficult tasks into manageable chunks.

I found, though the great Libby app, an unexpected resource: a “manga”, or Japanese graphic novel (comic) by Marie Kondo about the “magic” of decluttering”.

While Japanese culture has been outside my wheelhouse (and that is on me), I liked the framing story of a messy young woman who cleaned her apartment and created space for a romantic interest.

I especially liked how, in this manga, instead of a overwhelming list of to-dos, the pressure was off because it is just a story. I found myself imitating our heroine. I have a bunch of stuff to trash and give away. I feel lighter already.

Maybe that is the lesson if this whole panic attack mishegas:

I’m not a bad person; I just let disorganized thoughts, habits, and behaviors get away from me. Every descent is an exit, and sometimes you need a breakdown to have a breakthrough.

[oak]

Hi friends.

As I piece my life back together, with a freshness and zest, I am thinking about my first three priorities, which I am confident of;

-Nutrition.
-Kettlebell.
-Being more diligent and productive at my job.

Sleep apnea is also on my mind, as is a more general sense of “physical fitness”. In addition, I have “fun” and “feminine energy” rattling around my brain, but for now I am super comfortable and happy with the main three above.

[Mental Fairy]

I’m thinking of you Oak. I admire your dedication and your ability to move forward. You’re a truly wonderful soul my friend.

[manuel_moe_g]

do you use a vision board, Oak, or some equivalent? my opinion, if you are crystal clear on what you want, and all the surrounding things that are consistent with what you want, you can manifest a lot, just an idea

[oak]

I’m thinking of you Oak. I admire your dedication and your ability to move forward. You’re a truly wonderful soul my friend.

Thank you, Mental Fairy! Great to hear from you.

do you use a vision board, Oak, or some equivalent? my opinion, if you are crystal clear on what you want, and all the surrounding things that are consistent with what you want, you can manifest a lot, just an idea

Yes, Manuel Moe, I have done so, to great effect: in 2007 I made a vision board in Debtor's Anonymous, and I was moved to tears 8 years later when I realized everything had become manifest.

And yes, the word you used, "manifest" is very powerful.

Winding down this experience

Friends, at this point the acute crisis is over, and if I am willing, I can learn lessons.

I am wrestling with how much of this experience is my fault/responsibility. While certainly not 100%, I can go a long way to preventing, mitigating, and shortening these harrowing situations in the future.

[oak]

Friends!

I say three things with confidence:

1. While there will be (and already are) new challenges/sorrow/anxieties right around the corner, I think I fully exited this panic attack/nervous breakdown/katabasis.

2. My short-term, employer-provided counseling was a great success.

3. This breakdown/katabasis laid bare important things I had ignored/stuffed down. Hence the panic attack.

I'm not expressing myself clearly, but here goes:

I don't walk away from this experience with any hubris. Surviving a nervous breakdown is about as good of an outcome as I can hope for.

And I have survived. I just wonder if I can learn the lessons of what the breakdown tried to teach me. I think I have learned.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

I've been watching several sessions on "Overcome Your Over-Thinking" to good effect.
Never heard of the Mood Meter chart, but it's an interesting way to identify how I'm feeling and to gauge the energy level versus the pleasantness/ unpleasantness. And the labelling of these feelings takes a bit of the edge off and adds distance. (I think this was developed for use in schools....).

https://www.marcbrackett.com/the-colors-of-our-emotions/
https://www.ps120q.org/mood-meter/

Also discussed is the idea that an initial emotion or feeling will last for about 90 seconds or so of itself, which is physiological Anything further is the Buddhist idea of the self-inflicted "Second Dart".

https://www.futurehealth.org/articles/The-First-and-Second-Dart-by-Rick-Hanson-PH-D-100610-242.html.

I'm curious, now that you've come through this panic attack / breakdown, what you might have done to alleviate the severity, had you known it going in?

SD