It’s been a couple of days, I hope you all are well.Well I am just holding it together.
I took the liberty of reordering your post a bit, with inline replies -
Does Matt know the stress he's caused you going MIA?Matt attended an appointment with grandpa and myself a couple of weeks ago with heart doctors. There was talk there was nothing more they could do for him as his heart is on the blink. He is a great grandpa after all and in his 90's. The two of them have this incredible bond.
Because this position for him is full time he will not be able to attend appointments with grandpa. So myself and Joe will be. He feels left out as he was doing all the appointments with him. Sadly this is a time where Matt has to face feelings.
Matt went to his grandpas and they had a chat the day he went MIA. He seemed to do the rounds visiting people, hence why we thought the worst.
I think grandpa should really have a serious talk here with Matt if he hasn’t done so already.
He can do a lot to help Matt deal with the loss he will feel when he passes.
I hope this happens. The job is something Matt really wants, isn't it?I have spoken to Matt’s boss and supervisor and explained things more to them. There was a meeting and discussion between Matt and his boss.
We had an hours length chat this morning and i explained this young lad is pre grieving. He has seen an enormous amount of loss and he is preparing himself for more. By the end of the call both myself and this man were in tears. He had no idea as Matt is so private. He was shocked beyond words. He also is a good friend of Joes and Joe has said nothing to him at all.
There was discussion of reinstating Matt and setting in place some help and avenue for him if things get hard. We are yet to get the confirmation on if they will as yet. There has to be talk with higher up people as this company is international. Cross fingers.
His friend thought he had no future and no further opportunities. But here Matt does. (See below).
A- It’s horrible to have to think about things like that. Have you had open discussions with him after his friend died? What happened and why, how his friends thoughts might have been distorted, how to handle it mentally & emotionally, what he might have said to him if he’d had the chance…?I drove home last night and pushed the shed button thingy in my car to open as i came down the driveway. I had to prep myself for the worst. I know this sounds horrid but Matt has been in this dark place before and this was talked about. After his friend passed away we watched him just dissolve into a shell of a young lad. I still feel he may flip again yet. He has therapist in place.
If he’s ever thought about it himself? You can tell him you’ll always be there for him, and ask him to please make a promise to you that he’ll seek you out if he ever finds himself in a such dark place.
Tell him what you see. Ask him how he's feeling, and how you can help.Matt is still keen to continue but i see a large amount of pain in his eyes. He has closed down a lot over the last few days.
I can imagine. Young men are kind of stupid and don't think things through. Executive functions not fully mature till 25 or so. Ask me, I've been there.Joe is not talking at all, he has shut off. He won't even look at Matt. I know this is hard but Joe got him this rare placement and sadly he feels great shame and embarrassment. I feel like we have an Atlantic ocean of emotions at home currently.
I was a moody and incommunicative teenager, and at one point when I was eighteen, my father and I had some sort of argument. I mouthed off to him, and he punched me so hard it knocked me down. (He was never a physical or abusive person before this incident though). As soon as he did that, I picked myself up and apologized. I knew what I'd said was uncalled for, and that I deserved it.
Understandable. Best to try to communicate that and agree to continue later when the stress level goes down. (It's easier to talk while you're out walking together too, instead of when sitting).I have learnt one thing over the last two days about myself. I can't hold a conversation when stressed and i have had zero appetite and saliva! Stress is horrible.
Again, I hope you all are well. This is tough stuff.
SD
