Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Arrived at a new stage on the ‘I am almost never right’ trail.

I suspect it’s my mind’s first exposure to a new level of curiosity.

In a life where I grew used to, early, drawing conclusions, quickly, for safety and survival, I seem to have of late accepted a new premise, ‘there is always more to the story.’

I guess I am tasked with controlling a change in the midst of open uncertainty.

In this case, it’s managing the balance between the delight of not being right with my premature conclusions. And, at the other extreme, sensing when curiosity approaches exhausting confusion.

Gaining awareness of the nuances required to maintain that balance. When I want more and, when I have had enough.

So I think I might be improving my curiosity fitness.

[rivergirl]

Hi Mr. Boo,

The little I know about current thinking about parenting and attachment theory includes the idea that it's the dependency and security that parents allow their children as infants that forms the basis of later independence and more healthy attachment style. If parents try to force independence too early it can be harmful. Just my understanding.

I'm curious what has fostered your curiosity and growing ability to tolerate or appreciate not being right? And how do you sense when you've had enough?

rg

[Beany Boo]

what has fostered your curiosity and growing ability to tolerate or appreciate not being right? And how do you sense when you've had enough?

Wow, good questions…

I’ve survived a series of relationship encounters of late with a number of different people. Some were distancings and some were comings-closer but all were moving around a capacity I’m now aware, I didn’t previously possess.

I know I’ve had enough when,

I feel like I’m verging on having to make a decision about the rest of my future because of some ambiguous sign that just occurred.

And now, I’ve had enough

[Beany Boo]

I’m absolutely seething today.

It’s not uncomfortable, which it usually is.

It’s not at anything predictable.

I’m noticing it flares up and then settles. I’m expressing it without concern. I’m trying to limit potential damage. Normally it would just move underneath the surface.

The desperate need to make it invisible is not there. Nor is the overwhelming fear that I’m radioactive to the people around me.

[oak]

Beany Boo! Thank you for sharing.

They say anger is a secondary emotion. I’m not sure what that means, but I hope you hang on today.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks Oak

[Beany Boo]

Seething again today. Like yesterday it wasn’t out of control.

In fact it’s probably ever so slightly less scary today.

I think I’m seething at my own confidence. There’s something about feeling confident that is forbidden. And in the absence of other people seething at my brazen self-care, I am having to seethe at myself; just to feel safe.

Otherwise the self-confidence becomes intolerable.

[manuel_moe_g]

Between medications and where I am with my therapy and my age and kinda feeling defeated and humbled, I can’t access <big emotions>

If you told me to “seethe” I wouldn’t know where to begin

If any of you can access big emotions, don’t take that ability for granted

Good luck on your adventure, Beany

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

The seething broke today. There was no reason for it. I was seething and now I’m not.

Even in the midst of it I still felt like my capacity for kindness is improving. Now that the seething has broken I have a middling desire to show kindness to anyone who comes near.