Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

I don’t really understand it but I’m feeling like I’m being myself more than I ever have before.

I don’t know what happened; I’m just forgetting to lie, mask or pander. The words I would want to say are coming more readily. If they don’t come I don’t feel compelled to provide filler.

The less I force myself the more readily my self comes. I have almost entirely ceased to nag myself.

Maybe next week will be better.

[manuel_moe_g]

Congratulations on nearly stopping nagging yourself

I wish I could be there with you; my brain is full of judgement

Take care, Beany

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

I realized mid-morning that today wasn’t going to be perfect; which is just to say, it was going to fail to comply to my compulsive routine.

There’s an idea in Zen that you meditate in order to gradually uncover your ‘true protagonist.’ With respect, whatever.

But just as I felt the fear rise to overwhelm me, a little voice spoke up. ‘Ease off a little.’

It had a tone and quiet certainty that set it apart.

So… I eased off just a little. It worked. About 45 minutes later I was starting to feel my sense of self flood back in.

It was a slightly unfamiliar day from then on but not uncomfortably so.

[rivergirl]

Thank you for helping Beany, quiet little voice. And for easing up, nagging voice. It's okay to take a rest and leave Beany alone.

And MM, I hope you can find some relief from your judgmental voice as well. You deserve a break.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks rg

[Beany Boo]

A colleague spoke to me in a way that stung me into rage.

I swallowed it to protect him but also I tried to respond kindly and constructively, as clumsily as I could.

It kind of worked to give me new information but also, it worked to keep me grounded in an awkward, pained reality.

In the end, the thing that brought me back to the baseline was, ‘ease of a little…’ which I am still doing.

[Mental Fairy]

Well done beany. Be proactive rather than reactive.

[oak]

Agreed with our good friend Mental Fairy.

Well done, Beany Boo.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF & Oak