Mind Body and Trauma

[snoringdog]

So sad.

Tough on the family.
Tough on the recovery team.

Enjoy the day.

You never know.

[Mental Fairy]

Anxious feelings and thoughts grip me at random times. I’m still doggy paddling my way to the surface to try see the shore.

Sleep comes easy, the sleep is interrupted with dream after dream. I wake tired, two more weeks and we have two weeks off. My two weeks off mean on call however!
Health wise I’m ok, bowel is stable. The anxiety just grips me at random. Less depressed state but in its place Is anxiety. They seem to hold hands and circle me. I’ve got three patients on my 24/7 list currently. Meaning they can call or message me anytime as they are in the early stages of possible miscarriage. Currently on progesterone treatment to try help them survive this first trimester.

It’s just after 4am, I better get my jogging kit on and make my way out to the darkness and allow it to wrap itself around me and bring some calmness to this racing mind.

I am greatly relieved I can read books again, the mind has slowed enough for me to be able to concentrate on reading books cover to cover. Enjoying that greatly.

Hugs to all

[oak]

Thank you for sharing, Mental Fairy.

I hope your run went well.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you Oak, yes I managed 10km. Then yoga with the cat at my side. Feed the ducks the neighbours cat seems to think she lives with me now so she needed some breakfast also.
It is what I can only describe as a warm autumn day here, clear sky and birds all lining their nests.
I’m at work wondering how I can get through this day without having an internal meltdown. I had dreams last night that reminded me I not once had a birthday party, cake or anything of that nature growing up. I was wondering around looking for my mother but she was no where to be seen. Weird dreams and interesting emotions on waking up.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow, this post of yours, Mental Fairy, encapsulates the good and the bad

Please take care, wishing you the very best in cats and ducks, wishing you the very best in life

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

Just checking in, been a weird week. National holiday on Tuesday made the week feel very strange. Intense cases at work and call out to emergency last night at some late hour.

I have booked an appointment with the GP in May, i figure if i book it and if the anxiety is still an issue i may as well address it. I almost feel like i am walking a tight rope of emotions and it wont take much to topple me over to either the depressed feeling or the anxious feeling. I find myself just sitting and looking at nothing and not even able to think straight at times. My list of jobs to do is long as far at work goes. My desire to get into the garden at home and prep it for the coming winter is forever on my mind.

Really am feeling a need to go be in nature, away from the population and distractions. Feel like i need grounding a little. Depending on what the weather system brings tomorrow i will slot in a bike ride and a run over the weekend.

I have lost interest in watching anything, i pick up my book and immediately i feel guilty of sitting there! I think this weekend i will focus on me and me only. Do what the body tells me to do. With each seasonal change i always move the furniture around in the rooms at home to have seats positioned differently to catch the evening sun before it goes down over the horizon. Will add that to my list!!!

Better get back to the files and patients.

HUGS

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Forgive me in advance if I'm being stupid or presumptuous, but a few comments;

Anxious feelings and thoughts grip me at random times.

Yes. This usually happens to me first thing in the morning upon waking. It often propels me up and out where things seem easier to balance.

I’ve got three patients on my 24/7 list currently. Meaning they can call or message me anytime as they are in the early stages of possible miscarriage.

You are their lifeline! Lean into it if you can.

I had dreams last night that reminded me I not once had a birthday party, cake or anything of that nature growing up.

That is so sad.
Silly I know, but here's to you!

I find myself just sitting and looking at nothing and not even able to think straight at times. My list of jobs to do is long as far at work goes.

Sounds like a bit of burnout, or overload. I get this way when things pile up at work too.
Sometimes it's good to walk away for 5 minutes or so to clear the head.

Also, what has helped me, is to set a timer and allocate X minutes to a chore. That way it feels like there's a limit on it.

I have lost interest in watching anything, i pick up my book and immediately i feel guilty of sitting there!

That's a familiar anxious feeling. Always thinking I should be "doing something else".
For me, it's been "How can I do "x" when the world is on fire?!" (But doing "y" is no better, so... )

I think this weekend i will focus on me and me only. Do what the body tells me to do.

You do that!

Really am feeling a need to go be in nature, away from the population and distractions.

Do that too!

And work with dirt, and plants. Relaxing, and oddly, can give you a sense of connection and satisfaction. (Just fixed my well-used but getting-rusted-out-over-the-winter compost barrel.)

Wishing you the best.

SD

[oak]

Thanks for sharing, Mental Fairy!

I’m glad you’re hanging in there.

(I’d give your post the proper response it deserves, but my gums are aching right after a twice-annual cleaning.)

Happy birthday!

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you SD
You made me feel less alone on this journey.

Today has gone fast. Been a day of chores of stripping beds, cleaning sheets, groceries and treat finding. Mazie has a favourite treat that is in a squeeze like tube. She absolutely loves them, sadly now hard to find so found alternative and she’s somewhat happy but still pushes the jar I used to keep her favourites in onto the door all the time. She jumps on the bed and goes over to it and pushes it on the floor seeing it’s empty! I put her news ones into the jar and she still pushes it onto the floor.

There is a person on you tube called Birder King. I pop that on the tv and Mazie sits in front of the tv watching it until sleep happens. I oddly find watching the birds relaxing so now I’ve resorted to watching native birds from somewhere clearly very beautiful to relax. The birds on it are so different to the ones we have here that I try looking them up as they are mind blowing in colours.

Today I’ve moved all the bedroom furniture around, vacuumed under all the furniture as well as the lounge.

I want to get out on the bike but it can wait till tomorrow as Matt’s been called into work as someone didn’t show up. 12 hour days on the port after working his other full time job he’s seemingly enjoying, his mass in his thigh is growing but still benign at this stage. Still awaiting DNA genetic testing on his side.

SD your post really calmed me a little knowing you have the similar feelings. The burnout is very real and I’m extremely grateful for some time off coming in a couple of weeks to reset the brain. We take time of every few weeks to try process our cases, some very troubling.

Apparently we are in for more rough weather as there is a so called river in the sky event coming our way tonight. Bring it on!

If any of you want to read a darn good New Zealand book please look up Loop Tracks by Sue Orr. Honestly it’s very kiwi and thought provoking


There honestly isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think of you all battling away on different parts of the planet. It’s very comforting knowing we are not on our own.

I better go and make a start on dinner and get my hands in the dirt for a bit.

[manuel_moe_g]

I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt

Please take care, Mental Fairy, sending you the best of good vibes all the way across the earth