I got out last night. I had a happy mental experience, and thought of you all.

[oak]

Friends, I was reminded of my humanity last night.

I went to an after-work mixer for professionals. Everyone was dressed up, there was amazing music, and it was refreshing.

In addition to being a respite from my difficult life, it encouraged me to change the orientation of my life from “survival”* to… something more.

I can’t define that “something more” yet, but it is a wonderful journey of discovery.

I thought of each of you, my dear friends: it was like you were there with me. And in a sense, you were.

I am already planning for next month’s event, taking a direct and honest (and at the same time kind and forgiving) look at how my habits impact how I present myself.

I know I’m being short on specifics, but I was reminded of my humanity and that there is a bigger world out there.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak

I got all emotional reading that post. I had the similar feeling when I went to the ice bath training last month. The breathing techniques we did for an hour before the dip was powerful and I honestly thought of you all individually breathing with me. It was a moment I will never forget. What I wouldn’t give to have you all come along to n event like that together. As a collective we have very similar emotions and take many different paths to try combat the negative emotions.

So pleased that happened for you.

[oak]

Thank you, Mental Fairy!

I am pleased that we are both doing better.

We both went through mental/emotional/spiritual hell this young year, and seem to be given gifts:

You, with the amazing breathing/ice experience, and me with the intersection of culture and aspiration (simply put, I saw some beautiful women and exquisitely dressed brothers at the art museum).

We both got a glance, after weeks of hell, of what life can be like.

I think this is illustrated well by "Have Cake and Tea with Your Demons":

https://www.facebook.com/yumiverse/posts/excerpt-from-have-cake-and-tea-with-your-demons-from-your-illustrated-guide-to-b/1946691545393982/

(Though I can't find the image, the demon later gives a gem.)

A reason to live

Though I have just as many problems as I did before, I have a reason to live. I have a reason to be and do better today, right now.

Said another way: I didn't shirk my midlife crisis. Every trip through hell has a gift on the other side.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wishing your burden will be relieved, Oak

It is a lot to carry

[oak]

Thank you, Manuel Moe.

Friends! I am ten days out from this powerful experience, and I have a preliminary plan:

1. Before first Friday in May: I have bought new shoes, and shoe polish* for my current shoes. I've also replenished my soap and deodorant.

*It is Kiwi brand;I am not sure if it is manufactured in NZ, but I did want to give a shoutout to our favorite Kiwi, Mental Fairy.

2. Mid-term plan: I hope to incrementally improve my presentation through 2023.

I don't have any clear plans I can explain now. These are difficult issues to face.

3. Long term, I recognize that I want to have a more fulfilling life. This is also hard to explain.

I just know that there is a richer life out there, one that is not always focused on just survival.

For now, I focus on shoes and smelling if not good, then at least not bad

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you Oak. So pleased your making progress

[oak]

Thank you Oak. So pleased your making progress

Thanks, Mental Fairy!

Yes, this past week I have (1) made progress- see below and (2) begun to live more congruently with my post-midlife crisis/newly-discovered values.

I am betting on myself.

Progress for May's event

"If you can't be handsome, be tidy" -Reddit wisdom

Realizing that I can't compete, in certain areas, with some brothers (fancy clothes, physique), I've decided to make more of what I have:

If I can't have expensive clothes, I can wear clean, respectable basics (sport coat, tie, shoes).
I can smell good, or at least not bad.
This coming week I'm going to the dentist and dermatologist: I can have clean, presentable skin and teeth.

Living congruently

As a direct result of fully facing my midlife crisis, I have a new lease on life.

Years ago I would have considered it vapid to base one's life on a type of fitness.

Now, having survived, I see barre as a fine method to begin life anew.

Besides the physical benefits, in order to give barre my best, I have to: be able to afford it (hold a job), have transportation, dress appropriately, have decent hygiene, be on time, plan ahead.

All good things.

This week I've been happy because, after my midlife crisis burned down my old unsatisfactory life, I have a chance to begin anew.

Once I realized I had no answers in my life, I could begin to ask new questions.

Oftentimes asking the right questions is more important than finding the right answers.

[oak]

"If you can't be handsome, be tidy" -Reddit wisdom

Friends, a happy update.

While I can't compete with the brothers with expensive clothes, I made sure my clothes were clean and neat, I had been to the dentist, and wore a simple sportcoat, tie, and pocketsquare (a classic, unobtrusive look).

My look was a bit like this brother:

https://tinyurl.com/bdz8etdb

I accomplished my goals from the previous month, having gone again last night (edit: this is a monthly after-work mixer):

1. My new shoes (see link below) not only fit, they were comfortable!

https://tinyurl.com/4zvmy8xj

2. My coworkers and the staff at the gym were kind enough to compliment my look.

3. I began regular barre classes, one of my goals from last month, and I incrementally look and feel more comfortable in my skin.

I have a loooong way to go: I didn't have the courage to talk to any of the very pretty women there, and I left after I got hungry and anxious an hour in.

Still, having survived my midlife crisis, a narrow and limited victory is still a victory, one I am grateful for.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak

Super glad you went out again. That’s a huge achievement and something to be proud of. An A+ to the outfit chosen also. Very good taste.
I admire your ability to do all this, personally I’m already nervous about my upcoming ice bath and meditation training in a couple of weeks.

Your confidence comes through in your words, once upon a time there was a deep struggle within yourself but now your discomfort is lifting and you’re becoming a more powerful in your words.

There is a midwinter ball coming up for the private hospital we work at. Deep down I would love to attend such an event in a beautiful dress, hair up and smile across my face. Then this other percentage of me is saying absolutely not, no way. Plus Joe would never ever go. I did ask and got an immediate no. Sigh!

[manuel_moe_g]

Nice shoes, Oak!