My child attempted suicide twice

[~noface~]

Hi—this is my first post.

My child (age 11) attempted suicide twice this year and has been to inpatient 3x. Things get better, then seem worse again. She has self harmed her arm so many times—there are open wounds on top of scars (sorry to be graphic).

She also became addicted to vapes—the store in town was giving kids access to them. She can’t get them now and is in withdrawal. My guess is she was consuming 2 packs per day worth of nicotine…last night she cried her self to sleep begging me to get her one. She has attacked me, threatened to stab me, and threatened to kill herself if I don’t get her more vape. The storms pass, we are both still here. I know she is suffering so much. I can’t make it stop and I can’t fix it…Vape companies are evil…

Glimmer of hope—she wants to tryout for cheerleading. We have been practicing everyday in the backyard ( I have zero experience). She has been to clinics at the gym this week learning flips and jumps. I watched her fall and get up again over and over. I KNOW she is tough and is a fighter. Tryouts are next week!

Everyday may be a total mess and scary as shit—and other people might say what they say…but I honestly could not be more proud of her right now…

[oak]

Noface, hi!

Thank you for sharing.

The situation you describe is difficult for several reasons. I am glad you and your daughter are hanging in there. Self-harm and nicotine habituation are difficult matters.

I am very gratified that she is preparing for cheerleading tryouts! I am sure your efforts to help and practice with the stunts, routines, and stretches are very appreciated by her.

I hope she makes it!

If she doesn’t, perhaps preparing for next year’s tryouts can give her something to look forward to, something to live for. Planning backwards may help, to give perspective as to what milestones to hit when.

Lastly, and this is just me being me, but I encourage both of you to try a barre class sometime. They are challenging but doable classes based on ballet and yoga. Many locations offer a free first class, and is an excellent way to clear one’s mind for 50 minutes.

At any rate, I’m glad you’re using your words. Post as much as you like. Keep us posted!

[~noface~]

Thank you Oak! All great advice. I appreciate it—I hope she makes it too. I have been worried how she might react to not making it—good call out to look ahead and keep building skills.

[snoringdog]

She has been to clinics at the gym this week learning flips and jumps. I watched her fall and get up again over and over. I KNOW she is tough and is a fighter. Tryouts are next week!

Great!


Thoughts -

Physical exercise and movement release natural endorphins that make us feel good.

Small, achievable goals build a sense of accomplishment.

No comparing with others. There's a thing called "My Personal Best", and that's what counts.

You are her biggest cheerleader!

[~noface~]

Today has been hard. I thought the day started out good, but then my daughter started acting a bit weird, then projectile vomits, and admits she took some kind of thc gummy she bought online, she also bought vapes. It’s crazy and awful that kids can just buy this stuff online—no ID needed. How do you keep them safe? She used my credit card apparently, so I could have been more watchful of charges…20/20 hindsight. She is okay now, but missed cheer because she was too sick… I’m just disheartened, sad, angry, and scared she will only get worse. I feel embarrassed these things keep happening—she’s eleven! Plus we were supposed to start a new in home therapy service today for kids with addiction issues—but then they cancelled saying they can’t help her, they have to prioritize kids with opiate addictions…so frustrating and disappointing. Not giving up, but definitely feeling defeated.

[oak]

Hi Noface. Thank you for sharing.

These are difficult situations, sorrowful events. They defy easy explanations. Why do things like this happen?

I have no idea.

Having survived an on-going midlife crisis recently, and a devoted fan of Viktor Frankl, may I make a suggestion of a perhaps novel way to consider why we choose to keep trying in life?

Like my signature says, a person with a “why” can endure any “how”. If your daughter, and just as importantly you, have a reason to live, then you’ll make it.

And cheer tryouts are an excellent reason to live (I say this with all solemnity and sobriety; barre is my reason to live).

Hang in there. You’re doing very well using your words here. We’re only as sick as our secrets.

[~noface~]

Thank you oak, your words went straight to my heart. Viktor Frankl…great suggestion. The human spirit is strong. I have to remember none of this is my daughters fault, she did not choose to be like this…I still just want to shake her sometimes—she is beautiful, smart, creative, has everything going for her…and yet she seems hellbent on self destruction…its maddening. Is it realistic to think an eleven year old with her issues is going to get better and life will just be smooth sailing? I know it doesn’t work that way—addiction, depression, trauma, there is no easy fix. I would take it all away if I could, I would do anything. But this is her journey— I can’t fix her. I can only love her.

[Mental Fairy]

Please tell your daughter how you see her, she’s smart, beautiful and loved. It needs to broken down and rebuilt my friend. Never easy.

[~noface~]

That I can do thank you Mental Fairy!

[oak]

Noface, how is everything going?

How are the nicotine withdrawals going for her?

How are the final preparations for the tryouts going?

Just as importantly, how are you doing?