Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Thank you mm & sd

[Beany Boo]

I am thinking this morning about changing tact profoundly.

I am going to attempt to stop being friends to my coworkers. I’ll do it silently and without ill-will.

Because of my ‘issues’ it feels like 85% of my daily effort is devoted to (IRL) ‘friending’. I can’t make any meaningful decisions about my life while that effort is expend-ing. It’s like treading water. Worst of all it almost never feels reciprocated.

I don’t see a dramatic change on the surface of things; except, hopefully, for me.

It feels a bit like dying; or let’s say a grave loss. But equally, necessary, to save myself.

It’s a mystery but the prospect of this actually makes me feel significantly less lonely.

[snoringdog]

Hello Beany,

I am going to attempt to stop being friends to my coworkers. I’ll do it silently and without ill-will.

That's interesting. From your description it sounds like you're being drained by the attempts.

Worst of all it almost never feels reciprocated.

That's sad, but you're right to give up looking for something that's not going to happen.

Best to spend your energy elsewhere...

SD

[Beany Boo]

Thanks sd

Yes, it is interesting. I am drained by the attempts to make friends with them. But I actually feel less lonely and invisible when I stop trying.

It’s not malicious. I realize my words don’t give much context. It’s something that feels right.

[manuel_moe_g]

I am watching a lot of “neuro-divergent” tiktok

They talk a lot about “unmasking”, where one stops putting up a false version of the self to try to fit in with the “neuro-typical” majority of people

That is what your post reminded me of, Beany

Wishing you all the very best

[Mental Fairy]

beany thank you for your insight. While working in a clinic for over ten years, towards the last two years i had to detach from my coworkers as i found their needs draining. I stopped myself responding to them when a coffee cup was put down with a little more force followed by a sigh. I stopped asking what was wrong with them as the weight of their issues stacked on top of mine. I found it easier to walk in and walk out for a while but then i became their focus of attention, they noticed me drifting away, they noticed i didn't ask if they were ok. I stopped attending staff dinners and celebrations. I then quit!!!

I then had to remove them from my contacts and emails as they felt as toxic just having their names on my phone. Looking back now i see how toxic it was, how hard it was on all of us. The practice is now closed down and empty.

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MF

[Beany Boo]

I’m not quite sure what is happening. I ended the day in a panic attack. I seemed to have overcome it for now with square breathing and vegus nerve exercises.

I sort of predicted something like this would happen from yesterday. I think it was the right instinct though; to unmask, as MM put it. It’s something about acting less people-pleasing towards my colleagues, daring to be myself more. It’s great when it works; I feel more independent, less lonely. But today it swung back the other way.

The panic occurred because of an incident with my manager. But whilst it was a slightly difficult situation for me, I think I nonetheless, involuntarily, overreacted.

The paranoia has been on overdrive lately and anything could set it off. It’s not easy to walk the overreaction back but I think I can. I think I got excited about unmasking yesterday and perhaps overstayed, producing a‘backwash’ of anxiety today. I’ll need to take baby steps

[snoringdog]

You can do this, Beany!