Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Episode 648

Great episode

This hit me:

‘Don’t pray for justice
Pray for mercy’

[Mental Fairy]

How is the symptoms Beany? You doing ok?

[Beany Boo]

Almost done

I had a vitamin C yesterday and that seemed to noticeably help.

[Mental Fairy]

Yay, I’m glad. Everyone is so different. It’s like a kinda surprise virus

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF

[Beany Boo]

Day 5

I can see the world outside. I just can’t quite remember what it’s like to be in it

I go to be anxious but there’s just not enough immediate stimuli to follow through. It’s not a pleasant alternative but I’m not looking forward to the outside world kicking back in.

Today I’m listening to the audiobook from yesterday and learning about ‘healing fantasies’ and the ‘role self’. Powerful, uncomfortable stuff.

[Beany Boo]

Day 6

I went out today with a mask on

I was craving a real coffee

As the noise of the world curlicues back in, I feel an urgency to reach for a touchstone before I’m overtaken.

Dread and creepiness are my constant companions I realize though I make a complete effort to ignore their presence.

I think that might be a mistake; ignoring the shadow self.

I don’t know their value just yet but that’s what I touch on as it disappears, overwhelmed again by daily distraction.

[Beany Boo]

I made it! I’m through the Covid isolation.

I nearly had a panic attack this afternoon though, possibly at the prospect of returning to work.

But this is new: I somehow became aware that I was starting to hyperventilate before it started to escalate out of control. I just thought, ‘no need to overreact here’ and that was acceptable to my brain. I was able to let the breathing cycle in an elevated way without overreacting to it. At some point it has returned to normal.

I like thinking that a panic attack in my future is not guaranteed

My experience tells me I may have trouble sleeping tonight. But then I’ve never actually pulled out of a panic attack like that before so, who knows?

I’m not seeing anything overly dramatic in my imagination.

I looked at the Karpman Drama Triangle recently. I might review just as a matter of self-care.

If I don’t sleep I won’t be too upset. But if I do I’ll be genuinely pleased.

[Beany Boo]

First day back at work was objectively horrible. But I instinctively underreacted to the horribility. I used the technique I stumbled on yesterday, of letting the distress play out while deliberately not adding any further fuel to it. The distress eventually died down and I found I had reserves of soothing for myself at the end of day.

I’m going to practice underreaction (to surging stress) for as many days as I can. The way I see it, when you’re in a heightened state, being calm in that context is still quite active. Somehow that’s important. Underreacting is still very active.

Anyway, who knows what happens next?

I’ve also started muttering, ‘We’ll work it out…’

It’s not a lot but it’s way over on the positive side of my daily self-talk. I don’t know what brought it on but I’ll continue. It might draw more positive phrases towards me, that I don’t immediately bat away.

I am not really seeing any big wins but these subtle shifts are hitting satisfying notes for me.

[snoringdog]

Glad you're feeling better, and great posts.

"Under-reacting" is difficult for me too, but it's the way to go.

And it's an active, positive response as you say.