Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Thank you sd

[Beany Boo]

Worked again today - underreacting

Horrible morning. It really doesn’t feel like it’s going to do anything and feels like a dull roar. But by mid-afternoon I’m breaking through the clouds.

I know if I start at it first thing in the morning I get higher above the clouds in the afternoon.

It’s not constant efforting but there is regular steering back on course.

Today it felt like I was struggling with a brain that’s used to going to a dark place. I underreacted to the urge and kept falling short. Fun right? Well, any fractional reduction in that experience is a party for me!

I also didn’t panic and felt like I skipped an attack that was due. Two in one week, or two not or whatever. Skipping panic attacks makes me feel like I can skip future ones. That’s the best possibility for me.

I’m mindful that I could hit a speed bump. But, I’m here, trying.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow, heading off a panic attack, very impressive

[snoringdog]

felt like I was struggling with a brain that’s used to going to a dark place.

This has my perpetual struggle, and it gets tiring.
Bias toward the negative, making depressing associations, projecting to poor outcomes....
Also bottling it up so as not to be a downer.

Strength to you!

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM and sd

[Beany Boo]

It’s first thing. There’s a glimmer of hope. I have one objective: slide past the panic attack without engaging.

I tried to feel all the emotions this morning; dark, deep, shallow, light, selfish, childish, monstrous, hopeful, contradictory, sensical all at once. I figure it was letting the shiny rational feeling be the only one allowed that was setting me up for panic later; that feeling on its own was intolerable. All the feelings coalesced easily.

I’ll go through today always letting at least two {usually contradictory) feelings co-exist. It’s working so far. Then I’ll underreact to them and see where I land midafternoon.

Oh and I am going to combat a different cognitive distortion each day, to train my brain. Today is ‘over generalization’.

Of course if it all falls in a heap that’s fine too

[Beany Boo]

It worked out again today.

The mixture of feelings definitely added something.

I underreacted successfully; especially midafternoon.

Some events today that would normally undo me, sort of held form without bubbling over.

It’s a daunting exercise at times. Moments of uncertainty threaten to become unbearable.

Even new moments of relative success or comfort can feel daunting in their unfamiliarity.

How to tread softly in a difficult situation.

I’ll keep going and try not to overdo it.

[oak]

I underreacted successfully; especially midafternoon.

Well done, Beany Boo. Particularly considering it was afternoon, a prime time for HALT.

Keep us posted.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks Oak

[Beany Boo]

Woke up this morning feeling messy but not grim. That was conspicuous because it’s usually grim and I’m not even aware of it.

It was messy and I found myself not tying off the curlicues before moving on; I just pushed on without concern. It actually felt kind of great; liberating, unperfect.

I’m aware I’m probably going to crash this bus I’ve been on the past week, whether I’m careful or reckless. The compass is spinning.

I followed my routine this morning. In hindsight, I was much less affected by the people I encountered. It’s usually a full time job shutting out the energy they’re emanating. Not today. I have reserves and it’s still morning.

One thought became clear just now. I need to work out how to take care of something/someone while taking care of myself.