Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

Friday is here, mind is a little more rested after being in the hills. It has been nice to have no urgency to dash to office, however i am there now!

Therapy felt like more of an update and catch up than therapy i was once having. A little tear passed over my cheeks but i also voiced my concern about not having emotional responses for some time after an event. Example being today, i have come into the office and checked on two patients both of which have now passed away in the last 48 hours since i was in clinic. Yes it is expected and also not surprising. I have two more whom have lost babies, one at 20 weeks yesterday and another earlier than 15 weeks. I think because we work as a specialist clinic we see the worst and more difficult situations compared to a general GP, i seem to not process events for days. When i talk to staff of a general GP they can't comprehend our job. I then look at them with envy as they get to see far less than us and go home at 5pm minus the terrible outcomes of the day.

Yesterday i was coming down off the mountain, behind me was a lady about 50 steps behind me. I stopped to help a family who were struggling. The women behind me passed by. I soon caught up with her and without introducing myself i carried on by. She stopped me further along to have a chat, something i was not happy about as this was on my watch, my time and i need peace!! Long story short she has not been on the hill for a long time, she is in her 60's. Turned out she knew my old climbing partners elderly mother. We got talking a little bit and she asked me what i do, i avoided the question. As we rounded the bend i saw my car, i turned and said to her i enjoyed the chat (lie) and carried onto the car. I got into the car and she waved back at me again. Inside i felt anger that i just wanted to be alone and people keep popping up like whack a mole. I try so hard to give so much every day and the one day i want to be alone in the bush doing my own thing i still end up knowing someone through six degrees of separation! I felt so unkind and hated myself for being this way. I have also not responded to texts from a couple of people as i don't have the energy to explain why i want to be on my own.

Last night Joe text me asking if he could call me, i called him and he sounded different. I asked him if all was ok but he said for about 10minutes that day he lost his eyesight in his right eye. He saw lots of coloured lines and then tunnel vision. My first thought was a stroke, he had no head pain and no other symptoms. I called the eye specialist and they are going to have a chat with him today as there is strong family history of macular degeneration. He regained his sight after a few minutes and carried on biking home. No idea what that was all about but got me a little worried.

Woken this morning and allowed myself a sleep in. legs are stiff, a little stronger and capable of going back up again!

This weekend is fast approaching and i think a good clean out of the kitchen is needed. Will get rid of all the recipe books i never use. Surplus items and so on. Feel i need a winter clean out. Good for the soul.

Well team better get a move on, paperwork to do and might head out again on a trail somewhere to stretch the legs before the rain comes in.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing, and I hope you have a lovely weekend.

I’d be glad to suggest some local (to me) neurologists: they are the finest doctors in the world, and I understand they offer distance/Zoom consultations. PM anytime.

Also, those gorgeous photos gave me cognitive dissonance: I’ve always believed that America is the most beautiful country in the world, but those photos have me struggling with doubt!

I decided, just now, that if heaven exists I want to spend several hundred years on NZ’s mountains. Like you, just by myself.

[Mental Fairy]

I feel unbelievably lucky to have this little hill on my back door step.

[snoringdog]

I feel unbelievably lucky to have this little hill on my back door step.

Indeed you are! (A little jealous )

During lockdown, so many people had nowhere to go..

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

I’m home, I’m in bed, flair of Crohn’s yesterday that rendered me stuck in supermarket toilet till the worst was over. Joe ran a red light to get me home. Honestly feel like I’ve been hit by a mini in my abdomen. Trucks are an exaggeration!

Just got home from checking clinic and crashed into bed. Have not been this bad in a while.

Why do medical conditions have to be so horrible, why can’t we have a medical condition where we poop gold or diamonds, sneeze glitter or cry our favourite beverages. Would be great if our toenails grew different colours or we could clip them and sell them. Crohn’s makes me feel old, my brain doesn’t have to be.

[Mental Fairy]

Day two into flair. Unable to process food. Just did trip to hospital for blood work and bowel check. Wait and see. Crohn’s has popped in to remind me that it has the wheel.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing.

I hope you are feeling better already. Keep us posted.

[Mental Fairy]

Thanks Oak
Day three, still in the middle of a flair. All this just beyond two bites of something I don’t normally eat. Should of known!

[oak]

Mental Fairy, in addition to encouragement (I hope you feel better today!), may I ask if there are any new treatments coming down for this condition? Is there is much research in NZ or America that looks promising?

[manuel_moe_g]

My mother and my daughter have something like crohn's disease (not on the very severe, very debilitating end of spectrum, but still troublesome)